Being forgotten as the most important figure in a babies life. How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

By establishing and maintaining competent and stable caregiving, is how a child is afforded the sense of security, during the first three foundational years of life.

Stable caregivers don't spend weekends weeping in bed for their charges. That's the definition of instability.

From our perspective, I agree. However, I'd rather focus on the real needs of the young child. The adult can get whatever help her needs.

The little child can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

By establishing and maintaining competent and stable caregiving, is how a child is afforded the sense of security, during the first three foundational years of life.

Stable caregivers don't spend weekends weeping in bed for their charges. That's the definition of instability.

Not really and it shows that the caregiver has deep emotional bonds with a child. As a MB I would love that.

[Anonymous]

Really? You'd love a nanny obsessed with your child? That's very strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? You'd love a nanny obsessed with your child? That's very strange.

"Bonded" would be what most parents hope for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? You'd love a nanny obsessed with your child? That's very strange.

No need for your silliness here. "Deep emotional bonds" is what the mother said. If that threatens you to the point of your sarcastic question, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

By establishing and maintaining competent and stable caregiving, is how a child is afforded the sense of security, during the first three foundational years of life.

Stable caregivers don't spend weekends weeping in bed for their charges. That's the definition of instability.

Not really and it shows that the caregiver has deep emotional bonds with a child. As a MB I would love that.

As an MB, I would hate that. My nanny should have a life of her own beyond her job. The OP needs help, which I am glad to see she recognizes, and I hope the doctor she sees will help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

By establishing and maintaining competent and stable caregiving, is how a child is afforded the sense of security, during the first three foundational years of life.

Stable caregivers don't spend weekends weeping in bed for their charges. That's the definition of instability.

Not really and it shows that the caregiver has deep emotional bonds with a child. As a MB I would love that.

As an MB, I would hate that. My nanny should have a life of her own beyond her job. The OP needs help, which I am glad to see she recognizes, and I hope the doctor she sees will help her.

How would you hope that a "doctor" would help her?

[Anonymous]

Depending on the kind of doctor she sees, ideally a counselor, she can learn to make peace with the temporary nature of nanny jobs, find other things to get excited about in her off-duty time, and learn to see her charge as a lovable little person who already has parents. She can learn to look forward to the morning when she starts her job. And she can learn to look forward to the end of the day when she goes off to do other things she looks forward to. And if she's emotionally unsuited to the cyclical nature of nannying, perhaps she can learn to look for alternative occupations.

If she's chemically depressed, there's a doctor for that, too.

[Anonymous]

Most importantly, I would like the doctor to help her see the satisfaction of nannying in the positive difference she has made in the life of her charges - not whether or not they remember her, and they most likely won't. A job well done should bring satisfaction regardless of whether the beneficiary remembers it. A surgeon who performs heart surgery is satisfied when the patient's heart mends - whether the patient remembers him is irrelevant. A math teacher gains satisfaction from her pupils becoming math proficient - whether they remember her person is irrelevant. So I think the nanny should gain satisfaction from taking good care of her charges and making a positive difference in their lives. That's her version of the job well done, and whether the beneficiary remembers her personally or not, she has had impact on his/her life. That should be enough. Personal gratitude is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the kind of doctor she sees, ideally a counselor, she can learn to make peace with the temporary nature of nanny jobs, find other things to get excited about in her off-duty time, and learn to see her charge as a lovable little person who already has parents. She can learn to look forward to the morning when she starts her job. And she can learn to look forward to the end of the day when she goes off to do other things she looks forward to. And if she's emotionally unsuited to the cyclical nature of nannying, perhaps she can learn to look for alternative occupations.

If she's chemically depressed, there's a doctor for that, too.

Could you please address what you mean by the "cyclical nature of nannying", just to be sure everyone understands the term...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the kind of doctor she sees, ideally a counselor, she can learn to make peace with the temporary nature of nanny jobs, find other things to get excited about in her off-duty time, and learn to see her charge as a lovable little person who already has parents. She can learn to look forward to the morning when she starts her job. And she can learn to look forward to the end of the day when she goes off to do other things she looks forward to. And if she's emotionally unsuited to the cyclical nature of nannying, perhaps she can learn to look for alternative occupations.

If she's chemically depressed, there's a doctor for that, too.

Could you please address what you mean by the "cyclical nature of nannying", just to be sure everyone understands the term...

By all means. Nanny jobs start and end as children age out of nanny care. No nanny, with very rare exceptions, stay with one family forever. Even a five-year term is a very long time in the nanny industry. I should think that professional nannies understand full well that most of their jobs (I prefer to call them tours) would likely end within the span of under five years. It may not, but most likely it will.