"Nanny as Parent" phenomenon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

You're working hard to troll this thread for a fight, I'll give you that.

Parenting is a 24hr/day, 7 day/week, lifelong adventure. Nannying is a 40hr/week job for a few years.

Nannies are important caregivers, but, like teachers, they are not parents. Those are the facts.

Have a nice day!

She sure is.

I agree w/ you about the 24/7, lifelong role. When my kids are throwing up at 2 am it's Mommy they call for and Mommy who comes. When the nanny is sick or away on vacation they love the backup caregivers and adjust beautifully.

Not to mention that parents cover the costs of childrearing, including hiring/supervising/and paying a nanny. I hired a nanny who would care for my kids in the way(s) I specify - not however she saw fit. They eat, sleep, wear, do, what I say - because I'm the parent.

You could study the nanny vs sitter thread, and learn a few things.

The only thing I'm learning here is not to hire any nanny who is aware of DCUM. It's far too nasty and skewed a universe.

Same mentality why certain cultures are so threatened by educated women. Let's keep 'em stupid, it's better for us (men).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the nanny performs most of the tasks of parenting, the parents can limit their role to "enjoying" the child, as if they were the grandparents.

How cute is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Well, let's see. I spent years babysitting, decades being an aunt and godmother, years getting to know my husband and deciding to have children with him, ages getting to know myself and how I prefer to live my life, build my family, etc..., years watching friends build families and parent, and then months parenting my own kids before hiring a nanny. I've also spent a career learning how to hire and manage employees.

So I hired a nanny who would take care of my kids the way I wanted. I hired someone with whom I could build a relationship. I hired to my weaknesses, and to my preferences and management style. I hired for the loving, caring atmosphere I wanted maintained for my kids. I hired someone who would keep my babies on the sleeping and feeding schedule I established, who would cook food for them as I directed, etc..

I was hardly starting from zero knowledge when hiring a nanny. The nanny we hired stayed with us for years. I've just hired our second nanny and my level of knowledge with this hire was vast, and well informed by the first relationship, so there is certainly a learning curve. But there wasn't a person on the planet who could come into the job knowing anything about me, my husband, or our kids so there is a learning curve on that side also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Well, let's see. I spent years babysitting, decades being an aunt and godmother, years getting to know my husband and deciding to have children with him, ages getting to know myself and how I prefer to live my life, build my family, etc..., years watching friends build families and parent, and then months parenting my own kids before hiring a nanny. I've also spent a career learning how to hire and manage employees.

So I hired a nanny who would take care of my kids the way I wanted. I hired someone with whom I could build a relationship. I hired to my weaknesses, and to my preferences and management style. I hired for the loving, caring atmosphere I wanted maintained for my kids. I hired someone who would keep my babies on the sleeping and feeding schedule I established, who would cook food for them as I directed, etc..

I was hardly starting from zero knowledge when hiring a nanny. The nanny we hired stayed with us for years. I've just hired our second nanny and my level of knowledge with this hire was vast, and well informed by the first relationship, so there is certainly a learning curve. But there wasn't a person on the planet who could come into the job knowing anything about me, my husband, or our kids so there is a learning curve on that side also.

Kudos to you. Maybe you could help train the others. But you must realize, lots of parents don't care to make your investment. They hire a professional nanny and expect her to know how to do her job. And she's the most expensive kind of caregiver that few parents can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Every family has a vision of values and skills with which they'd like to raise their kids. Nannies can lend their expertise to some decisions but not others. The "others" group does not require experience; it just requires that the family decides how they'd like to raise their children.

I am happy to let the nanny weigh in on potty training, starting solid, developmental milestones, naptimes etc.

Other things we will decide on without her input, such as how conservatively we want to dress our children, how and if we will integrate religion into their lives, whether we want them to take French or Spanish or any language at all, whether they take swimming or soccer or any sport at all, whether they go to a single-sex or coed school etc. Those decisions do not require guidance from nannies. They belong to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Every family has a vision of values and skills with which they'd like to raise their kids. Nannies can lend their expertise to some decisions but not others. The "others" group does not require experience; it just requires that the family decides how they'd like to raise their children.

I am happy to let the nanny weigh in on potty training, starting solid, developmental milestones, naptimes etc.

Other things we will decide on without her input, such as how conservatively we want to dress our children, how and if we will integrate religion into their lives, whether we want them to take French or Spanish or any language at all, whether they take swimming or soccer or any sport at all, whether they go to a single-sex or coed school etc. Those decisions do not require guidance from nannies. They belong to the parents.

Believe it or not, some parents aren't afraid to say they sometimes honestly don't know what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Every family has a vision of values and skills with which they'd like to raise their kids. Nannies can lend their expertise to some decisions but not others. The "others" group does not require experience; it just requires that the family decides how they'd like to raise their children.

I am happy to let the nanny weigh in on potty training, starting solid, developmental milestones, naptimes etc.

Other things we will decide on without her input, such as how conservatively we want to dress our children, how and if we will integrate religion into their lives, whether we want them to take French or Spanish or any language at all, whether they take swimming or soccer or any sport at all, whether they go to a single-sex or coed school etc. Those decisions do not require guidance from nannies. They belong to the parents.

Believe it or not, some parents aren't afraid to say they sometimes honestly don't know what they want.

If they don't know what they want, they must not want it badly enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the nanny performs most of the tasks of parenting, the parents can limit their role to "enjoying" the child, as if they were the grandparents.

This! I hate this! It's also the reason that parents want the nanny doing the housework, so that all time with the child can be quality time. What do they do with quality time? Parents watch tv and kids play by themselves or watch something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Every family has a vision of values and skills with which they'd like to raise their kids. Nannies can lend their expertise to some decisions but not others. The "others" group does not require experience; it just requires that the family decides how they'd like to raise their children.

I am happy to let the nanny weigh in on potty training, starting solid, developmental milestones, naptimes etc.

Other things we will decide on without her input, such as how conservatively we want to dress our children, how and if we will integrate religion into their lives, whether we want them to take French or Spanish or any language at all, whether they take swimming or soccer or any sport at all, whether they go to a single-sex or coed school etc. Those decisions do not require guidance from nannies. They belong to the parents.

Hmmm. Ok, I'll bite. I'm the one who picks out kids' clothes, and I decide whether the clothing is appropriate, not the parents. I'm the one that signed the children up for classes, I picked the classes or had the children help pick them; parents weren't involved. I'm the one that decided it was time to cut the girl's hair so that she could have her tonsils out; the parents asked when I'd had it done... 2 months later. I have recommended preschools, elementary schools, private schools, and I've solicited the information packets for the parents; they told me to choose what I thought was best and they would make it so. Out of your whole list, the only thing that I didn't decide: religion. That was the grandparents, not the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Every family has a vision of values and skills with which they'd like to raise their kids. Nannies can lend their expertise to some decisions but not others. The "others" group does not require experience; it just requires that the family decides how they'd like to raise their children.

I am happy to let the nanny weigh in on potty training, starting solid, developmental milestones, naptimes etc.

Other things we will decide on without her input, such as how conservatively we want to dress our children, how and if we will integrate religion into their lives, whether we want them to take French or Spanish or any language at all, whether they take swimming or soccer or any sport at all, whether they go to a single-sex or coed school etc. Those decisions do not require guidance from nannies. They belong to the parents.

Hmmm. Ok, I'll bite. I'm the one who picks out kids' clothes, and I decide whether the clothing is appropriate, not the parents. I'm the one that signed the children up for classes, I picked the classes or had the children help pick them; parents weren't involved. I'm the one that decided it was time to cut the girl's hair so that she could have her tonsils out; the parents asked when I'd had it done... 2 months later. I have recommended preschools, elementary schools, private schools, and I've solicited the information packets for the parents; they told me to choose what I thought was best and they would make it so. Out of your whole list, the only thing that I didn't decide: religion. That was the grandparents, not the parents.

If this is your arrangement, I find parents like this an exception, not the rule. No parents in our circle would leave these decisions to non-family members. Your employers must be unusually hands-off.

Do you buy the kids' clothes? Or do you pick them out of what parents selected and bought?

[Anonymous]

What is the relationship between haircuts and tonsils?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies do not perform most of the tasks of parenting, so your insult is logically flawed.

How do you perform your parenting tasks if you're (supposed to) doing office work 40-50+ hours a week?

Oh, I know! You're shopping Hanna's online, at the office.

Smart parents understand that a
long-term devoted nanny is a parenting partner.

Smart parents know how they want to parent and they hire a nanny who will support the parent's approach, philosophy, guidelines, etc...

Smart parents are confident in their own parenting and status as parents and don't at all see the nanny as a parent. The nanny is a critical partner, absolutely. But the nanny is an employee whose job it is to care for the kid(s) as the parents see fit.

They know what they know, based on what? Girlfriend tales of woe at the office? Any actual experience? Because that's what really matters if you want to do something to the best of your ability.

After all, those who are most successful in your profession, weren't born knowing everything they know. They gradually gained their confidence with experience and knowledgeable guidance. I know parents who prefer to do the same.

Every family has a vision of values and skills with which they'd like to raise their kids. Nannies can lend their expertise to some decisions but not others. The "others" group does not require experience; it just requires that the family decides how they'd like to raise their children.

I am happy to let the nanny weigh in on potty training, starting solid, developmental milestones, naptimes etc.

Other things we will decide on without her input, such as how conservatively we want to dress our children, how and if we will integrate religion into their lives, whether we want them to take French or Spanish or any language at all, whether they take swimming or soccer or any sport at all, whether they go to a single-sex or coed school etc. Those decisions do not require guidance from nannies. They belong to the parents.

Hmmm. Ok, I'll bite. I'm the one who picks out kids' clothes, and I decide whether the clothing is appropriate, not the parents. I'm the one that signed the children up for classes, I picked the classes or had the children help pick them; parents weren't involved. I'm the one that decided it was time to cut the girl's hair so that she could have her tonsils out; the parents asked when I'd had it done... 2 months later. I have recommended preschools, elementary schools, private schools, and I've solicited the information packets for the parents; they told me to choose what I thought was best and they would make it so. Out of your whole list, the only thing that I didn't decide: religion. That was the grandparents, not the parents.

If this is your arrangement, I find parents like this an exception, not the rule. No parents in our circle would leave these decisions to non-family members. Your employers must be unusually hands-off.

Do you buy the kids' clothes? Or do you pick them out of what parents selected and bought?

You and your little circle of girlfriends are clueless about the wider nanny world, so please understand how little you know.