"Nanny as Parent" phenomenon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see most nannies start out with lofty intentions to support the parents. However, when you hear from career senior-level nannies who have worked with dozens of varied families, they have a more accurate view of the majority of parents who have nannies. It's simply a rare occurance to find a mb who makes the children a real priority. But the nanny can still hope that her next mb will be better than the current one.

Ah, the nanny world. The place of stunning hypocrisy where it's perfectly acceptable to collect a paycheck that puts food on your table and roof over your head with one hand, and badmouth the family that makes it possible with the other. For years and years and years. Oh I am so sad for my nanny family, I judge them so harshly..yet I continue to collect the money they pay me.

If this makes you so sad, why not pick a family that doesn't? Might it be the lure of higher salaries that come with 60-hr working weeks and high-flying families? Why don't you take a 30-hr job with a low stress level and downsize your life instead? Maybe then you'll be happy. You won't be able to shop at Whole Foods anymore, but hey, at least you'll approve of your employer.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mb works 15 hours a week yet has 2 nannies. It's about 60 hours a week between the both of is. Her and her husband are off weekends and still have FT care. I hardly ever see her holding the babies unless she has to. She just gives orders all day long.

How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I also had a notarized form, authorization for anything medically necessary to be initiated while I contacted the parents. The parents didn't have time while at home and they traveled for work, and one child was in and out of the hospital (asthma). The parents couldn't afford for their child to go without medical care while waiting for authorization.

I believe you but I still think your situation is an outlier in the nanny/charge landscape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I also had a notarized form, authorization for anything medically necessary to be initiated while I contacted the parents. The parents didn't have time while at home and they traveled for work, and one child was in and out of the hospital (asthma). The parents couldn't afford for their child to go without medical care while waiting for authorization.

I believe you but I still think your situation is an outlier in the nanny/charge landscape.

NP. How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mb works 15 hours a week yet has 2 nannies. It's about 60 hours a week between the both of is. Her and her husband are off weekends and still have FT care. I hardly ever see her holding the babies unless she has to. She just gives orders all day long.

How sad.

It makes me think these "parents" were neglected children.

[Anonymous]

Many nannies are now (apparently) expected to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with their charges.

Who's really doing the actual work of parenting here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many nannies are now (apparently) expected to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with their charges.

Who's really doing the actual work of parenting here?

Nannies should at least eat lunch with their charges.

[Anonymous]

Women who live their children make the sacrifice and stsy home and take care of theur children--no exceptions. Single women who have children are selfish and having a child is their personal ego trips. This generation of childten will be the most acrewed up ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women who live their children make the sacrifice and stsy home and take care of theur children--no exceptions. Single women who have children are selfish and having a child is their personal ego trips. This generation of childten will be the most acrewed up ever.

Yes, but at least they'll be better spellers than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who live their children make the sacrifice and stsy home and take care of theur children--no exceptions. Single women who have children are selfish and having a child is their personal ego trips. This generation of childten will be the most acrewed up ever.

Yes, but at least they'll be better spellers than you.

Get a life, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who live their children make the sacrifice and stsy home and take care of theur children--no exceptions. Single women who have children are selfish and having a child is their personal ego trips. This generation of childten will be the most acrewed up ever.

Yes, but at least they'll be better spellers than you.

Get a life, troll.

In a sense the above poster is true. While I do not think its a malicious intent at all, I know from years working as a nanny that you cannot have it all. There is no way to divide yourself into two people. So when you choose to have a career and children one usually falls through the cracks. Unfortunately it is usually the kids, because as an employee you are held accountable for a job poorly done, or chastised when you skip important steps.

The moments that you miss in your children's lives are so many that in no way can you make up for them in the few evening and weekend hours that you get. Can you still have a successful relationship with your child(en)? Yes of course, but there is a sense of not really knowing how to tend to everyday moments that is a sad fact for working parents.

It's an outsourcing of one job in order to preform another. A sad fact of life and a decision that women have to make. For me I am just glad there is a choice! But I am not deluding myself into thinking that I can have it all either, and neither should you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who live their children make the sacrifice and stsy home and take care of theur children--no exceptions. Single women who have children are selfish and having a child is their personal ego trips. This generation of childten will be the most acrewed up ever.

Yes, but at least they'll be better spellers than you.

Get a life, troll.

In a sense the above poster is true. While I do not think its a malicious intent at all, I know from years working as a nanny that you cannot have it all. There is no way to divide yourself into two people. So when you choose to have a career and children one usually falls through the cracks. Unfortunately it is usually the kids, because as an employee you are held accountable for a job poorly done, or chastised when you skip important steps.

The moments that you miss in your children's lives are so many that in no way can you make up for them in the few evening and weekend hours that you get. Can you still have a successful relationship with your child(en)? Yes of course, but there is a sense of not really knowing how to tend to everyday moments that is a sad fact for working parents.

It's an outsourcing of one job in order to preform another. A sad fact of life and a decision that women have to make. For me I am just glad there is a choice! But I am not deluding myself into thinking that I can have it all either, and neither should you.

Well said, PP. But I'll be a bit more blunt here. It's ALWAYS the children and the home that get neglected by dual career parents. The neglect of the children is the part that worries me.

These parents desperately need partners to help them.

Perhaps stop damning the nanny, and thank her for enabling both parents to pursue their office career aspirations. And give her the respect she deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who live their children make the sacrifice and stsy home and take care of theur children--no exceptions. Single women who have children are selfish and having a child is their personal ego trips. This generation of childten will be the most acrewed up ever.

Yes, but at least they'll be better spellers than you.

Get a life, troll.

In a sense the above poster is true. While I do not think its a malicious intent at all, I know from years working as a nanny that you cannot have it all. There is no way to divide yourself into two people. So when you choose to have a career and children one usually falls through the cracks. Unfortunately it is usually the kids, because as an employee you are held accountable for a job poorly done, or chastised when you skip important steps.

The moments that you miss in your children's lives are so many that in no way can you make up for them in the few evening and weekend hours that you get. Can you still have a successful relationship with your child(en)? Yes of course, but there is a sense of not really knowing how to tend to everyday moments that is a sad fact for working parents.

It's an outsourcing of one job in order to preform another. A sad fact of life and a decision that women have to make. For me I am just glad there is a choice! But I am not deluding myself into thinking that I can have it all either, and neither should you.

Absolutely false. Yet another nanny trying to make herself out to be WAY more significant than she is.
I grew up with "dual working parents" or whatever lame title the other PP gave it, and I can tell you I never felt neglected for a second. I also can not remember the name or face of ONE of my babysitters. I DO remember my dad coaching basketball, my mom taking me to piano lessons, and eating dinner with my family most nights, even if it was a casserole that my mom prepped the night before.

Working parents DO NOT equal neglectful parents. This is an incredibly elitist notion and insulting to the 90% of families where both parents choose/have to work.

[Anonymous]

1. Never knew a parent who wasn't working, either for a paycheck or not for a paycheck.

2. PP says she grew up with dual office career parents, yet she has no memory who actually provided the majority of her early care. How very sad.

3. SOME absent parents ARE neglectful, depending on who is filling their shoes on the home front, and if it's adequate to meet the needs of the children.

Btw, PP, some may think what's elitist is your nastiness towards the help.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP and I never mentioned neglect. Firstly I would like to say that it seems your parents made a real effort to make sure that they spent time with you, which is awesome. However if your honest for a few seconds, if you can't remember the face or name of your babysitters it's probably because you didn't have them on a full time basis. Your working parents were the ones that actually made an effort. This thread however is for the majority of D.C parents. Who choose a career, work 50/60hr weeks, and get home to kids already eaten and in their P.J's.

Secondly your use of the term 'babysitter" was used to offend, as you well know....and leads me to believe that maybe you are not as involved as your parents were?

Thirdly using your own personal experience, and making it a fact of others is a fallacy.

So here are a few links on the detriment of working long hours outside of the home.

http://www.walearning.com/articles/children-are-affected-when-parents-work-long-hours/ (here is one just about fathers)

Here is one about full time vs part time https://www.jrf.org.uk/report/effect-parents-employment-outcomes-children#jl_summary_0

And so as a "nanny" who is an observer of many families, and therefor a greater sample size.(oh and also actual facts^^) My argument is that choosing to peruse a career that keeps you out of the home for many hours is detrimental to your child. Especially for those children who are left in the early years 0-3. It can be mitigated by a warm and loving nanny/grandparent/caregiver. But you should be so luck to have have them "babysitting" for you.