"Nanny as Parent" phenomenon

[Anonymous]

Check out the "I love my charge" thread, where the parents almost never see their child, literally. Sometimes 15 minutes a day, some days, not at all. On Saturday and Sunday, there's the weekend shift nanny. The parents pay the bills, but make no time to see who their child is. Almost too outrageous to believe. Except that I to, have seen similar cases.

[Anonymous]

Some people just shouldn't have children. I've seen many families that have 24 hour care for their children and have never made a bottle or changed a diaper. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

I actually think that mentality was more prevalent in the past than it is now.

I think parents are more involved now, even if they do have a nanny.

[Anonymous]

How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that mentality was more prevalent in the past than it is now.

I think parents are more involved now, even if they do have a nanny.

I agree.

It used to be standard for parents to spend virtually no time playing with their kids. Standard. Not the realm of the rich and disinterested, but common across all socioeconomic lines. Today, parents know how important it is for their kids to build relationships with them through play time, and even busy working parents make an effort to get that bonding time in before bed or on weekends.

While some don't, like the ones mentioned upthread, I don't believe this is typical anymore, nor nearly as common as it was even 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Since I've been in the world for so many years, I'd have to say, that most nannies are sadly disappointed with how little most parents know their children. Hence, so very much resentment.

It's hard to ignore what you know is plain wrong.

[Anonymous]

*nanny world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since I've been in the world for so many years, I'd have to say, that most nannies are sadly disappointed with how little most parents know their children. Hence, so very much resentment.

It's hard to ignore what you know is plain wrong.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since I've been in the world for so many years, I'd have to say, that most nannies are sadly disappointed with how little most parents know their children. Hence, so very much resentment.

It's hard to ignore what you know is plain wrong.

+1

Maybe I've just had good experiences.

My employers love their children, and spent any free time they have with them. They just chose me rather than an overcrowded daycare center.

[Anonymous]

Most parents do indeed, love their children.

But love is an ACTION word, not just a feeling you have while you're sitting in your downtown office shuffling stacks of papers. The fact that your absentee parenting provides your child with a grandiose lifestyle, does not make up for it.

The more you're away from your child, the less you know "your" child.

The more tired and stressed you are when you DO see your child, the LESS capable you are to be the parent that your child desperately needs, and deserves.

Why do you think more and more rich kids are growing up RAGING, full of anger and resentment?

"But we gave our child everything." Sure, everything money could buy. Everything, except stable and consistant care during the first three to five years of life. Why do you think they're called "the foundation years"?

Usually, (not always) when the early years go poorly (yes, rich kids often have very sad childhoods), you can have a lifetime of trying to "fix" it. Lifelong therapy and "medication". And hope that does the trick, and there won't be any REALLY serious consequences.

You can give this, any kind of pretty label you want. But whatever you call it, it magically, is NEVER correlated to early childhood care/parenting, or lack of.

This is not about a "blame game".
It's about putting some thought into our values and priorities, and asking,

Is this really the best we can do?

[Anonymous]

My MB and DB both work incredibly long week day hours and they are away most weekends. I am a live-in and basically raise my charge. I don't feel resentment toward MB and DB just more sadness. I experience such love, happiness, and fulfillment watching my charge grow and change every day. I've been his nanny since the day he was born and have gotten to experience all of his milestones, be there when he's sad, laugh at his silliness, etc...I just love him as if he were my own and it just makes me sad that they wouldn't be the ones experiencing this for themselves. He brings so much joy into my life, and I think it should be the same for the people who brought him into this world but unfortunately they don't get to experience that because of their schedules.

[Anonymous]

Might it be their priorities that make their child an orphan?
Whatever it is, their child is lucky to have you. I hope you are well paid.

[Anonymous]

Since I've been in the world for so many years, I'd have to say, that most nannies are sadly disappointed with how little most parents know their children. Hence, so very much resentment.

It's hard to ignore what you know is plain wrong.

I find it disappointing that nannies with all that resentment are in the business of caring for children. Really, nannies, your judgmental attitudes are really unflattering to you and your profession.

[Anonymous]

Someone should take care of the kids, don't you think? How would you like to do it for a change?

[Anonymous]

Maybe the kids would turn out better, maybe not.