Carpool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates were kids of both families are playing together while being overlooked by their respective caregiver: okay.

Playdates were people drop off their kids to be looked after by the AP: Not Okay.

If I asked my LCC if the kids can have a playdate she would say “of course!” , if I asked her if it would be okay for me to let neighbors and friends drop off their kids and for my AP to watch them for free. She would say “absolutely not.”

“Playdates” is a normal thing kids have so of course if you ask an AP or a LCC whether or not playdates are allowed and they would be okay taking kids to playdates, they would say yes. When I organize playdates it’s 99% me meeting parents at a park where they look after their own kids and I look after mine and the kids play together, very rarely is playdate “drop off your kids at mine and come pick them up in a couple hours when you are done enjoying your kid-free time/running errands.” , if it was (and I understand it might be the case for tweens) I would feel it’s the responsibility of the host parents to be there to overlook it and if not, at the very least, for the other parents of the kids that are dropped off to offer and pay the Au Pair for what is actually and essentially babysitting.

How people can think “playdates” were the AP is left alone with other people kids for a couple hours isn’t babysitting and would be okay is nuts.

And I am sure parents who pretend they write it on their profiles aren’t actually saying “ oh and on Wednesdays and Fridays you will be looking after Johnny and Allison, the Neighbors for 3 hours, for free.” But probably write. “ the kids have playdates twice a week with the neighbors that we hope the perfect AP will help maintain and coordinate as our kids love playing together, they are only a 5 minutes walk away!.”

So yes of course, wording B probably wouldn’t get flagged while wording A totally would.

Carpooling 5 minutes from point A to B is different but for all the reasons previously mentioned also not acceptable.

Can’t believe the amount of people who are willingly trying to find loopholes to abuse the system and have their AP do free work for extra risks and very little reward.

A playdate isn't free childcare. This isn't like, "every day after school the kid comes to my house so the parent doesn't pay for aftercare." a playdate is an occasional thing, for a kid who has a regular care arrangement. no one is paying less for childcare by sending their kid on a playdate. usually they're reciprocated, meaning the au pair's host kid goes to the other house as often as the other kid comes to the au pair's house.... see?

Beg to differ. I know multiple child families that have strict schedules including play dates.

Preschool child:
Monday play date child carpools to the house for 45 minute play then off to activity, picked up by parent there.
Tuesday preschooler goes to activity, play date child b comes home after and is picked up 30 minutes later
Wednesday preschooler has two friends come home for 20 minute play, then off to activity, play date a picked up there, play date c comes home for 50 minutes before pick up
Thursday preschooler picked up by play date a going straight to activity, pick up from activity
Friday preschooler picked up by play date b to go straight to activity, picked up after activity

Add in 1-3 older kids and I understand why the family does it. Hire a nanny or driver, not an AP who has visa limitations.

And this kind of schedule is why kids are so screwed up and unhappy...

Where is the visa limitation that you are referring to? I don't see it:
https://j1visa.state.gov/programs/au-pair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates were kids of both families are playing together while being overlooked by their respective caregiver: okay.

Playdates were people drop off their kids to be looked after by the AP: Not Okay.

If I asked my LCC if the kids can have a playdate she would say “of course!” , if I asked her if it would be okay for me to let neighbors and friends drop off their kids and for my AP to watch them for free. She would say “absolutely not.”

“Playdates” is a normal thing kids have so of course if you ask an AP or a LCC whether or not playdates are allowed and they would be okay taking kids to playdates, they would say yes. When I organize playdates it’s 99% me meeting parents at a park where they look after their own kids and I look after mine and the kids play together, very rarely is playdate “drop off your kids at mine and come pick them up in a couple hours when you are done enjoying your kid-free time/running errands.” , if it was (and I understand it might be the case for tweens) I would feel it’s the responsibility of the host parents to be there to overlook it and if not, at the very least, for the other parents of the kids that are dropped off to offer and pay the Au Pair for what is actually and essentially babysitting.

How people can think “playdates” were the AP is left alone with other people kids for a couple hours isn’t babysitting and would be okay is nuts.

And I am sure parents who pretend they write it on their profiles aren’t actually saying “ oh and on Wednesdays and Fridays you will be looking after Johnny and Allison, the Neighbors for 3 hours, for free.” But probably write. “ the kids have playdates twice a week with the neighbors that we hope the perfect AP will help maintain and coordinate as our kids love playing together, they are only a 5 minutes walk away!.”

So yes of course, wording B probably wouldn’t get flagged while wording A totally would.

Carpooling 5 minutes from point A to B is different but for all the reasons previously mentioned also not acceptable.

Can’t believe the amount of people who are willingly trying to find loopholes to abuse the system and have their AP do free work for extra risks and very little reward.

A playdate isn't free childcare. This isn't like, "every day after school the kid comes to my house so the parent doesn't pay for aftercare." a playdate is an occasional thing, for a kid who has a regular care arrangement. no one is paying less for childcare by sending their kid on a playdate. usually they're reciprocated, meaning the au pair's host kid goes to the other house as often as the other kid comes to the au pair's house.... see?

Beg to differ. I know multiple child families that have strict schedules including play dates.

Preschool child:
Monday play date child carpools to the house for 45 minute play then off to activity, picked up by parent there.
Tuesday preschooler goes to activity, play date child b comes home after and is picked up 30 minutes later
Wednesday preschooler has two friends come home for 20 minute play, then off to activity, play date a picked up there, play date c comes home for 50 minutes before pick up
Thursday preschooler picked up by play date a going straight to activity, pick up from activity
Friday preschooler picked up by play date b to go straight to activity, picked up after activity

Add in 1-3 older kids and I understand why the family does it. Hire a nanny or driver, not an AP who has visa limitations.

Believe it or not, some of us are in the program because we *believe* in it--you know, cultural exchange, introducing people to our country, having a lasting bond. We're not doing this to save money, and we're certainly not looking for a nanny or a driver but something more meaningful...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates were kids of both families are playing together while being overlooked by their respective caregiver: okay.

Playdates were people drop off their kids to be looked after by the AP: Not Okay.

If I asked my LCC if the kids can have a playdate she would say “of course!” , if I asked her if it would be okay for me to let neighbors and friends drop off their kids and for my AP to watch them for free. She would say “absolutely not.”

“Playdates” is a normal thing kids have so of course if you ask an AP or a LCC whether or not playdates are allowed and they would be okay taking kids to playdates, they would say yes. When I organize playdates it’s 99% me meeting parents at a park where they look after their own kids and I look after mine and the kids play together, very rarely is playdate “drop off your kids at mine and come pick them up in a couple hours when you are done enjoying your kid-free time/running errands.” , if it was (and I understand it might be the case for tweens) I would feel it’s the responsibility of the host parents to be there to overlook it and if not, at the very least, for the other parents of the kids that are dropped off to offer and pay the Au Pair for what is actually and essentially babysitting.

How people can think “playdates” were the AP is left alone with other people kids for a couple hours isn’t babysitting and would be okay is nuts.

And I am sure parents who pretend they write it on their profiles aren’t actually saying “ oh and on Wednesdays and Fridays you will be looking after Johnny and Allison, the Neighbors for 3 hours, for free.” But probably write. “ the kids have playdates twice a week with the neighbors that we hope the perfect AP will help maintain and coordinate as our kids love playing together, they are only a 5 minutes walk away!.”

So yes of course, wording B probably wouldn’t get flagged while wording A totally would.

Carpooling 5 minutes from point A to B is different but for all the reasons previously mentioned also not acceptable.

Can’t believe the amount of people who are willingly trying to find loopholes to abuse the system and have their AP do free work for extra risks and very little reward.

A playdate isn't free childcare. This isn't like, "every day after school the kid comes to my house so the parent doesn't pay for aftercare." a playdate is an occasional thing, for a kid who has a regular care arrangement. no one is paying less for childcare by sending their kid on a playdate. usually they're reciprocated, meaning the au pair's host kid goes to the other house as often as the other kid comes to the au pair's house.... see?

Beg to differ. I know multiple child families that have strict schedules including play dates.

Preschool child:
Monday play date child carpools to the house for 45 minute play then off to activity, picked up by parent there.
Tuesday preschooler goes to activity, play date child b comes home after and is picked up 30 minutes later
Wednesday preschooler has two friends come home for 20 minute play, then off to activity, play date a picked up there, play date c comes home for 50 minutes before pick up
Thursday preschooler picked up by play date a going straight to activity, pick up from activity
Friday preschooler picked up by play date b to go straight to activity, picked up after activity

Add in 1-3 older kids and I understand why the family does it. Hire a nanny or driver, not an AP who has visa limitations.

And this kind of schedule is why kids are so screwed up and unhappy...

Where is the visa limitation that you are referring to? I don't see it:
https://j1visa.state.gov/programs/au-pair

The JI visa is approved for ONE, SPECIFIC FAMILY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates were kids of both families are playing together while being overlooked by their respective caregiver: okay.

Playdates were people drop off their kids to be looked after by the AP: Not Okay.

If I asked my LCC if the kids can have a playdate she would say “of course!” , if I asked her if it would be okay for me to let neighbors and friends drop off their kids and for my AP to watch them for free. She would say “absolutely not.”

“Playdates” is a normal thing kids have so of course if you ask an AP or a LCC whether or not playdates are allowed and they would be okay taking kids to playdates, they would say yes. When I organize playdates it’s 99% me meeting parents at a park where they look after their own kids and I look after mine and the kids play together, very rarely is playdate “drop off your kids at mine and come pick them up in a couple hours when you are done enjoying your kid-free time/running errands.” , if it was (and I understand it might be the case for tweens) I would feel it’s the responsibility of the host parents to be there to overlook it and if not, at the very least, for the other parents of the kids that are dropped off to offer and pay the Au Pair for what is actually and essentially babysitting.

How people can think “playdates” were the AP is left alone with other people kids for a couple hours isn’t babysitting and would be okay is nuts.

And I am sure parents who pretend they write it on their profiles aren’t actually saying “ oh and on Wednesdays and Fridays you will be looking after Johnny and Allison, the Neighbors for 3 hours, for free.” But probably write. “ the kids have playdates twice a week with the neighbors that we hope the perfect AP will help maintain and coordinate as our kids love playing together, they are only a 5 minutes walk away!.”

So yes of course, wording B probably wouldn’t get flagged while wording A totally would.

Carpooling 5 minutes from point A to B is different but for all the reasons previously mentioned also not acceptable.

Can’t believe the amount of people who are willingly trying to find loopholes to abuse the system and have their AP do free work for extra risks and very little reward.

A playdate isn't free childcare. This isn't like, "every day after school the kid comes to my house so the parent doesn't pay for aftercare." a playdate is an occasional thing, for a kid who has a regular care arrangement. no one is paying less for childcare by sending their kid on a playdate. usually they're reciprocated, meaning the au pair's host kid goes to the other house as often as the other kid comes to the au pair's house.... see?

Beg to differ. I know multiple child families that have strict schedules including play dates.

Preschool child:
Monday play date child carpools to the house for 45 minute play then off to activity, picked up by parent there.
Tuesday preschooler goes to activity, play date child b comes home after and is picked up 30 minutes later
Wednesday preschooler has two friends come home for 20 minute play, then off to activity, play date a picked up there, play date c comes home for 50 minutes before pick up
Thursday preschooler picked up by play date a going straight to activity, pick up from activity
Friday preschooler picked up by play date b to go straight to activity, picked up after activity

Add in 1-3 older kids and I understand why the family does it. Hire a nanny or driver, not an AP who has visa limitations.

I never had playdates at my own house, because my mother worked. These parents who want play dates, why don't they schedule them when they can be home so the AP is not in danger of being kicked out of the program. etc. For example, I always work from home on Fridays. So (in normal times), we host the play date. But I bring my computer and sit near where the kids are playing. My AP is there, but if the other kids have an issue, I'm there. I also make the snacks and make sure the other kid is eating, ask them if they need to use the bathroom, etc. If my kid has an issue, the AP takes care of her needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates were kids of both families are playing together while being overlooked by their respective caregiver: okay.

Playdates were people drop off their kids to be looked after by the AP: Not Okay.

If I asked my LCC if the kids can have a playdate she would say “of course!” , if I asked her if it would be okay for me to let neighbors and friends drop off their kids and for my AP to watch them for free. She would say “absolutely not.”

“Playdates” is a normal thing kids have so of course if you ask an AP or a LCC whether or not playdates are allowed and they would be okay taking kids to playdates, they would say yes. When I organize playdates it’s 99% me meeting parents at a park where they look after their own kids and I look after mine and the kids play together, very rarely is playdate “drop off your kids at mine and come pick them up in a couple hours when you are done enjoying your kid-free time/running errands.” , if it was (and I understand it might be the case for tweens) I would feel it’s the responsibility of the host parents to be there to overlook it and if not, at the very least, for the other parents of the kids that are dropped off to offer and pay the Au Pair for what is actually and essentially babysitting.

How people can think “playdates” were the AP is left alone with other people kids for a couple hours isn’t babysitting and would be okay is nuts.

And I am sure parents who pretend they write it on their profiles aren’t actually saying “ oh and on Wednesdays and Fridays you will be looking after Johnny and Allison, the Neighbors for 3 hours, for free.” But probably write. “ the kids have playdates twice a week with the neighbors that we hope the perfect AP will help maintain and coordinate as our kids love playing together, they are only a 5 minutes walk away!.”

So yes of course, wording B probably wouldn’t get flagged while wording A totally would.

Carpooling 5 minutes from point A to B is different but for all the reasons previously mentioned also not acceptable.

Can’t believe the amount of people who are willingly trying to find loopholes to abuse the system and have their AP do free work for extra risks and very little reward.

A playdate isn't free childcare. This isn't like, "every day after school the kid comes to my house so the parent doesn't pay for aftercare." a playdate is an occasional thing, for a kid who has a regular care arrangement. no one is paying less for childcare by sending their kid on a playdate. usually they're reciprocated, meaning the au pair's host kid goes to the other house as often as the other kid comes to the au pair's house.... see?

Beg to differ. I know multiple child families that have strict schedules including play dates.

Preschool child:
Monday play date child carpools to the house for 45 minute play then off to activity, picked up by parent there.
Tuesday preschooler goes to activity, play date child b comes home after and is picked up 30 minutes later
Wednesday preschooler has two friends come home for 20 minute play, then off to activity, play date a picked up there, play date c comes home for 50 minutes before pick up
Thursday preschooler picked up by play date a going straight to activity, pick up from activity
Friday preschooler picked up by play date b to go straight to activity, picked up after activity

Add in 1-3 older kids and I understand why the family does it. Hire a nanny or driver, not an AP who has visa limitations.

I never had playdates at my own house, because my mother worked. These parents who want play dates, why don't they schedule them when they can be home so the AP is not in danger of being kicked out of the program. etc. For example, I always work from home on Fridays. So (in normal times), we host the play date. But I bring my computer and sit near where the kids are playing. My AP is there, but if the other kids have an issue, I'm there. I also make the snacks and make sure the other kid is eating, ask them if they need to use the bathroom, etc. If my kid has an issue, the AP takes care of her needs.

This is a non-issue - no au pair has ever been kicked out of the program because the kids occasionally had friends to play. This is a made-up issue. Please let's move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates were kids of both families are playing together while being overlooked by their respective caregiver: okay.

Playdates were people drop off their kids to be looked after by the AP: Not Okay.

If I asked my LCC if the kids can have a playdate she would say “of course!” , if I asked her if it would be okay for me to let neighbors and friends drop off their kids and for my AP to watch them for free. She would say “absolutely not.”

“Playdates” is a normal thing kids have so of course if you ask an AP or a LCC whether or not playdates are allowed and they would be okay taking kids to playdates, they would say yes. When I organize playdates it’s 99% me meeting parents at a park where they look after their own kids and I look after mine and the kids play together, very rarely is playdate “drop off your kids at mine and come pick them up in a couple hours when you are done enjoying your kid-free time/running errands.” , if it was (and I understand it might be the case for tweens) I would feel it’s the responsibility of the host parents to be there to overlook it and if not, at the very least, for the other parents of the kids that are dropped off to offer and pay the Au Pair for what is actually and essentially babysitting.

How people can think “playdates” were the AP is left alone with other people kids for a couple hours isn’t babysitting and would be okay is nuts.

And I am sure parents who pretend they write it on their profiles aren’t actually saying “ oh and on Wednesdays and Fridays you will be looking after Johnny and Allison, the Neighbors for 3 hours, for free.” But probably write. “ the kids have playdates twice a week with the neighbors that we hope the perfect AP will help maintain and coordinate as our kids love playing together, they are only a 5 minutes walk away!.”

So yes of course, wording B probably wouldn’t get flagged while wording A totally would.

Carpooling 5 minutes from point A to B is different but for all the reasons previously mentioned also not acceptable.

Can’t believe the amount of people who are willingly trying to find loopholes to abuse the system and have their AP do free work for extra risks and very little reward.

A playdate isn't free childcare. This isn't like, "every day after school the kid comes to my house so the parent doesn't pay for aftercare." a playdate is an occasional thing, for a kid who has a regular care arrangement. no one is paying less for childcare by sending their kid on a playdate. usually they're reciprocated, meaning the au pair's host kid goes to the other house as often as the other kid comes to the au pair's house.... see?

Beg to differ. I know multiple child families that have strict schedules including play dates.

Preschool child:
Monday play date child carpools to the house for 45 minute play then off to activity, picked up by parent there.
Tuesday preschooler goes to activity, play date child b comes home after and is picked up 30 minutes later
Wednesday preschooler has two friends come home for 20 minute play, then off to activity, play date a picked up there, play date c comes home for 50 minutes before pick up
Thursday preschooler picked up by play date a going straight to activity, pick up from activity
Friday preschooler picked up by play date b to go straight to activity, picked up after activity

Add in 1-3 older kids and I understand why the family does it. Hire a nanny or driver, not an AP who has visa limitations.

I never had playdates at my own house, because my mother worked. These parents who want play dates, why don't they schedule them when they can be home so the AP is not in danger of being kicked out of the program. etc. For example, I always work from home on Fridays. So (in normal times), we host the play date. But I bring my computer and sit near where the kids are playing. My AP is there, but if the other kids have an issue, I'm there. I also make the snacks and make sure the other kid is eating, ask them if they need to use the bathroom, etc. If my kid has an issue, the AP takes care of her needs.

This is a non-issue - no au pair has ever been kicked out of the program because the kids occasionally had friends to play. This is a made-up issue. Please let's move on.

Oh, is there a surveillance system containing data on all Au Pairs ever??? Science is dead around here.

[Anonymous]

I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

[Anonymous]

Getting back to the topic of the thread:

Carpools aren’t allowed for APs. Period. If you need a caregiver to do carpool, hire a driver, nanny or sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

I think the same can be said for you as well.

[Anonymous]

I talked to my au pair this morning about this. she is glad we are not expecting her to drive other kids w/o their parents in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

I think everyone is agreed on the driving being a bad idea. I haven’t seen anyone defending that in a few pages, so not sure why you are fighting that fight. As for the play dates and possibility of criminal prosecution.... if this is honestly how anxious you are I feel for you and I hope things get better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Uh, if I thought my au pair was the type to behave criminally I might consider that a bigger problem than the question of whether or not to host a play date...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?