Carpool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

An AP maybe competent with a 3yo and 7yo. She may also take the 3yo to a different room if the 7yo has a play date. Most 7yo (most kids) aren’t known for perfect behavior and rational, mature thinking, so accidents happen when they do things they shouldn’t. Liability for the 2 hk is normal, but what happens if the visiting kid gets hurt? What does she do with visiting kid if she has to take one of hk to the hospital/doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

An AP maybe competent with a 3yo and 7yo. She may also take the 3yo to a different room if the 7yo has a play date. Most 7yo (most kids) aren’t known for perfect behavior and rational, mature thinking, so accidents happen when they do things they shouldn’t. Liability for the 2 hk is normal, but what happens if the visiting kid gets hurt? What does she do with visiting kid if she has to take one of hk to the hospital/doctor?

She calls the host parents and the kid's parents or if it's more urgent than that calls an ambulance same as without an au pair....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

Because you have taken the time to explain every important details to your AP, you have given her time to bond with your kids, she knows them and knows how to handle them.
Not all kids will listen to your Au Pair or respect your AP's authority, what if she takes her host kids (baby) plus the two older kids (HK and friend) and the friend kicks off because of something silly and just start running away etc... how does she manage running after the friend/negotiating with him while dealing with the other two and keeping them safe/ when she doesn't know how his parents would want her to handle the conversation or what he will tell his parents? What if she is giving snacks to all the kids and when she asks the kid ''you are not allergic to anything right?" and he says ''no'' but in fact he is and ends up having an allergic reaction, what if when driving the other kid is extremely misbehaving keeps screaming and taking off his seatbelts? What if the kid is just rude and obnoxious to both the kids and the AP ruining everyone's outing? Why should any AP have to be put in a situation where she could have to deal with any of that from a stranger's kid?

It's different putting up and dealing with poor behavior from the host kids you picked for yourself, completely different to have to put up with it from a kid you are looking after for free.

I would hate to have other people's kids sprung onto me (regardless of risks) so I can't consider seeing it as a valid option.

Again, nothing stops anyone from having a playdate at the park where both families meet there and look after their respective kids or for playdates to happen when the AP isn't on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

An AP maybe competent with a 3yo and 7yo. She may also take the 3yo to a different room if the 7yo has a play date. Most 7yo (most kids) aren’t known for perfect behavior and rational, mature thinking, so accidents happen when they do things they shouldn’t. Liability for the 2 hk is normal, but what happens if the visiting kid gets hurt? What does she do with visiting kid if she has to take one of hk to the hospital/doctor?

She calls the host parents and the kid's parents or if it's more urgent than that calls an ambulance same as without an au pair....

Or the parents could follow the rules and staff their own play dates instead of putting an AP in that position

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

An AP maybe competent with a 3yo and 7yo. She may also take the 3yo to a different room if the 7yo has a play date. Most 7yo (most kids) aren’t known for perfect behavior and rational, mature thinking, so accidents happen when they do things they shouldn’t. Liability for the 2 hk is normal, but what happens if the visiting kid gets hurt? What does she do with visiting kid if she has to take one of hk to the hospital/doctor?

She calls the host parents and the kid's parents or if it's more urgent than that calls an ambulance same as without an au pair....

Or the parents could follow the rules and staff their own play dates instead of putting an AP in that position

Yes we get that you have a problem with "staff" being involved with childcare. Great for you that you are SAHMing, but why don't you stop trying to pick fights o the au pair board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

Because you have taken the time to explain every important details to your AP, you have given her time to bond with your kids, she knows them and knows how to handle them.
Not all kids will listen to your Au Pair or respect your AP's authority, what if she takes her host kids (baby) plus the two older kids (HK and friend) and the friend kicks off because of something silly and just start running away etc... how does she manage running after the friend/negotiating with him while dealing with the other two and keeping them safe/ when she doesn't know how his parents would want her to handle the conversation or what he will tell his parents? What if she is giving snacks to all the kids and when she asks the kid ''you are not allergic to anything right?" and he says ''no'' but in fact he is and ends up having an allergic reaction, what if when driving the other kid is extremely misbehaving keeps screaming and taking off his seatbelts? What if the kid is just rude and obnoxious to both the kids and the AP ruining everyone's outing? Why should any AP have to be put in a situation where she could have to deal with any of that from a stranger's kid?

It's different putting up and dealing with poor behavior from the host kids you picked for yourself, completely different to have to put up with it from a kid you are looking after for free.

I would hate to have other people's kids sprung onto me (regardless of risks) so I can't consider seeing it as a valid option.

Again, nothing stops anyone from having a playdate at the park where both families meet there and look after their respective kids or for playdates to happen when the AP isn't on.

??? I don't have a baby. I have older kids. None of my au pairs, past or present, has had a problem with play dates--to the contrary, THEY set most of them up! I have strong relationships with my au pairs, and believe me, they are comfortable saying when they're uncomfortable with something. When they have a concern, I listen and I respond. This is really not that complicated, but it's crucial. Rules are important, but truth is, you can follow all the rules and still be a terrible host family. Communication, sensitivity, and respect matter too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

Because you have taken the time to explain every important details to your AP, you have given her time to bond with your kids, she knows them and knows how to handle them.
Not all kids will listen to your Au Pair or respect your AP's authority, what if she takes her host kids (baby) plus the two older kids (HK and friend) and the friend kicks off because of something silly and just start running away etc... how does she manage running after the friend/negotiating with him while dealing with the other two and keeping them safe/ when she doesn't know how his parents would want her to handle the conversation or what he will tell his parents? What if she is giving snacks to all the kids and when she asks the kid ''you are not allergic to anything right?" and he says ''no'' but in fact he is and ends up having an allergic reaction, what if when driving the other kid is extremely misbehaving keeps screaming and taking off his seatbelts? What if the kid is just rude and obnoxious to both the kids and the AP ruining everyone's outing? Why should any AP have to be put in a situation where she could have to deal with any of that from a stranger's kid?

It's different putting up and dealing with poor behavior from the host kids you picked for yourself, completely different to have to put up with it from a kid you are looking after for free.

I would hate to have other people's kids sprung onto me (regardless of risks) so I can't consider seeing it as a valid option.

Again, nothing stops anyone from having a playdate at the park where both families meet there and look after their respective kids or for playdates to happen when the AP isn't on.

??? I don't have a baby. I have older kids. None of my au pairs, past or present, has had a problem with play dates--to the contrary, THEY set most of them up! I have strong relationships with my au pairs, and believe me, they are comfortable saying when they're uncomfortable with something. When they have a concern, I listen and I respond. This is really not that complicated, but it's crucial. Rules are important, but truth is, you can follow all the rules and still be a terrible host family. Communication, sensitivity, and respect matter too.

Yes but you know you could be ALL that though, right? You could have Communication, sensitivity, and respect AND also respect the rules, in fact you would be a BETTER host family if you did that.

The fact that your point of comparison is shitty families rather than good ones who offer ALL that PLUS follow the rules, speaks volume.

I personally don't think there is much respect going on when you don't respect a contract that is there to protect you both.

I would not feel very respected by my boss, as nice, communicative and sensitive as she may be, if she stopped respecting our contract, and I am sure she would feel extremely similar if I stopped respecting it as well. The respect we have for each other, is in part established by the fact that we both respect each other enough to not ask the other person to put up with things they didn't sign up for by acting as if the contract is a guideline that can easily be ignored as fit and not a legally-binding document.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

An AP maybe competent with a 3yo and 7yo. She may also take the 3yo to a different room if the 7yo has a play date. Most 7yo (most kids) aren’t known for perfect behavior and rational, mature thinking, so accidents happen when they do things they shouldn’t. Liability for the 2 hk is normal, but what happens if the visiting kid gets hurt? What does she do with visiting kid if she has to take one of hk to the hospital/doctor?

She calls the host parents and the kid's parents or if it's more urgent than that calls an ambulance same as without an au pair....

Or the parents could follow the rules and staff their own play dates instead of putting an AP in that position

Yes we get that you have a problem with "staff" being involved with childcare. Great for you that you are SAHMing, but why don't you stop trying to pick fights o the au pair board?

Nope - I am big law partner. We have an AP -and follow the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked our LCC (APIA) in Maryland and she said APs cannot be left alone (in home or in car) with any minors outside HF. I told her about this thread and she said that there is no way any LCC for APIA would ever give their blessing to carpooling or play dates with kids outside HFs b/c of liability.

So now it’s not a visa issue it’s a liability issue? The tenacity of the two or three anti play date posters is so odd.

Honestly any time you have a visitor into your home it’s a liability issue. That’s true whether I am in charge or my husband is—or a nanny or an au pair. If a kid got hurt at my house, the kid’s parents could theoretically sue me. And yes, it would be me they sued, the home owner. not the au pair, who is a foreign national with no assets. I am not going to stop having play dates because someone might sue me. (I do however have an umbrella liability policy just in case and i don’t have kids over without having a good feel for their parents.) I guess everyone fears different things. I would not forego having kids over out of fear of getting sued; i would be far more concerned about my kids not having fun and developing friendships with their peers. But you do you—just please stop judging others.

It’s not about money, it’s about the mental load of being in a situation where kid got hurt that could and should have been avoided if the host family had not broken the rules, plus you have no proof that they would not in fact sue or prosecute the AP.

The AP who killed her host kid in a car crash have to live with it, had this kid not been with her AP in that car that day (s)he would still be around.
It was her host kid so obviously it was her job and it’s an unfortunate event but if she had been carpooling and she had killed somebody else’s kid it would have been an accident and child death that could have been 100% avoided by following the rules. The fact that you are so willing to but put other people’s kids at increased harm‘s way just because you don’t mind being sued is absolutely bizarre.

Plenty of parents don’t have APs but their kids still have playdates (by, you know, parenting) your kids can also have play dates with their peers with their AP the correct way by making sure you or Another adult is supervising the other kids. It’s NOT that hard.
You could even send your kids to other people’s houses on their own during your AP hours for playdates and reciprocate and have the other people’s kids on YOUR time off to reciprocate, if you want them to have play dates at specific time during the week.

So let’s not pretend it’s about your kids potentially being deprived of playdates when there is no reason as to why respecting the rules would cause your kids to miss out anymore than it is about your laziness as a parent (and not wanting to take on other people’s kids all while relaying them to your AP) and your need to feel above the rules somehow.

Leaving aside the driving question (we don’t have our au pairs do car pools) why do you think a child — the host family’s or the friend — is more likely to get hurt in the au pair’s care than in someone else’s? I am scratching my head a bit. We choose our au pairs very carefully and all have been very experienced, cautious, and conscientious. I actually think that when it comes to physical safety my kids are probably safer with our au pairs than with me, because they are more cautious and less likely to be multi tasking. If I thought that leaving kids with an au pair was dangerous, I wouldn’t do it—whether the kids were mine or someone else’s. So the premise here is a bit odd. Do you have an au pair yourself? If you think she’s not competent why are you entrusting her with your children?

An AP maybe competent with a 3yo and 7yo. She may also take the 3yo to a different room if the 7yo has a play date. Most 7yo (most kids) aren’t known for perfect behavior and rational, mature thinking, so accidents happen when they do things they shouldn’t. Liability for the 2 hk is normal, but what happens if the visiting kid gets hurt? What does she do with visiting kid if she has to take one of hk to the hospital/doctor?

She calls the host parents and the kid's parents or if it's more urgent than that calls an ambulance same as without an au pair....

Or the parents could follow the rules and staff their own play dates instead of putting an AP in that position

Yes we get that you have a problem with "staff" being involved with childcare. Great for you that you are SAHMing, but why don't you stop trying to pick fights o the au pair board?

Nope - I am big law partner. We have an AP -and follow the rules.

That’s so cool.