Carpool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

exactly this. nothing but host family entitlement

[Anonymous]

I was an au pair a few years ago and was in a carpool with 2 other families. The other 2 familes also brought that child home for me and there was a weekly rotation. I had 3 charges all at different schools so it was way easier to do carpool.
Imo its fine if its reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The naysayers must not have older kids or multiple kids. My AP carpools kids all the time, and my friends carpool my kids. We take turns. Playdates, sports, etc.

My AP would not want to have to be the driver of my kids every single time. And it actually wouldn't work because often my three kids have conflicting schedules.

Have had APs for 8 years. Never been an issue.

You are just fortunate that you haven't had an accident. YOu are breaking program rules. You need to make different arrangements (HM of multiple kids, wide age range).

My AP is covered by our insurance. I don't get your point at all.

Please show me the rule that APs can drive other kids?

Same rule that says APs cannot babysit other people's kids - unless perhaps you meant there is another adult with the AP at all times when she is driving kids? I am sure that's what you meant, right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an au pair a few years ago and was in a carpool with 2 other families. The other 2 familes also brought that child home for me and there was a weekly rotation. I had 3 charges all at different schools so it was way easier to do carpool.
Imo its fine if its reciprocated.

The problem isn’t that it’s hard for the AP. The problem is that it required you to break the rules of your visa.
It put you at unnecessary increased risk. I am glad it went well but had it not the story would have been different.
Let’s say the other kid made a (false) complaint about you, parents believe him, they chose to prosecute, how do you explain, even to defend yourself that you knowingly broke your visa rules and how do you feel that would have reflected on you and the case? Kids who make up stories about Caregivers/siblings and just people in general are fairly common.

It’s to avoid scenarios like this, same if you were to have a minor/major car accident which could result in parents of other kids making official complaints etc...


From a legal standpoint from the minute you break visa regulations, you run the risk of having your visa revoked if you get caught (which would limit your traveling for life), if those are risks you are/were willing to take for an host family that’s nice, but encouraging HFs to force their APs to take similar risks isn’t okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

[Anonymous]

ME to AP: Would you rather drive Little Johnny twice a week to practice 45 minutes away, and back. Or would you rather drive little Johnny and three other kids who live nearby 45 minutes one way once per week.

AP to Me: HM, are you drinking too much wine again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

it's all fine and dandy until it happens. you will be stuck without childcare and drag someone else thorugh your crap. but it's all about your, right?

[Anonymous]

I’m the 12 year HM who posted above. I simply can’t believe that the people saying that APs can’t drive carpool are actually hosts. Our town has hundreds of AP’s for the exact reason that our schools do not have busing. Everyone carpools. I know of APs who have had accidents with carpools and nothing other than being shaken up, or, if it was their fault, possibly rematch, happened. Certainly no one has gotten in trouble for driving a carpool. I definitely wouldn’t even hire an AP who didn’t agree to drive carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Carpool is shared driving so other mom does half and aupair does half. If she isn't paying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

Agree. 12:41 poster here. We have said this is part of our setup *in our matching profiles* with four au pairs and two agencies and two LCCs and no one has batted an eye - in face we are commended by au pairs and LCCs alike as a model host family. Everyone is happy. If the didn’t want this they wouldn’t match with us. We are extremely considerate and generous and cautious and law abiding. This is a nonsense issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

Agree. 12:41 poster here. We have said this is part of our setup *in our matching profiles* with four au pairs and two agencies and two LCCs and no one has batted an eye - in face we are commended by au pairs and LCCs alike as a model host family. Everyone is happy. If the didn’t want this they wouldn’t match with us. We are extremely considerate and generous and cautious and law abiding. This is a nonsense issue.

What an agency are you with? A ran this by our LCC and she was like - that's crazy, we would kick them out of the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

Agree. 12:41 poster here. We have said this is part of our setup *in our matching profiles* with four au pairs and two agencies and two LCCs and no one has batted an eye - in face we are commended by au pairs and LCCs alike as a model host family. Everyone is happy. If the didn’t want this they wouldn’t match with us. We are extremely considerate and generous and cautious and law abiding. This is a nonsense issue.

What an agency are you with? A ran this by our LCC and she was like - that's crazy, we would kick them out of the program.

I'm not going to say what agencies because I don't want you to report them, but I really think you're out of touch. Over our four years in the program we have known easily a dozen au pairs who have hosted our kids for playdates. In fact I know of no au pairs who *don't* do this. We are not talking about little kids, of course, and that does make a difference. It's legal for an 8 year old to be left alone in Maryland, so two 10 year olds playing in our yard while the au pair is on duty is really equivalent to, say, dropping your 3 year old off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted for 12 years. It’s absolutely insane for someone to suggest you can’t have an AP drive carpool. We carpooled the entire time we hosted, to and from school, to and from sports, etc. AP oversaw playmates as well. As long as it’s all reciprocal, it’s part of the job. We lived in four states while hosting so had several LCCs. All knew about the carpools and all were 100% fine with it.

Everything is all fine and dandy until an accident occurs.

When you ask your AP to break her visa rules it’s HER you put in danger (alongside with the kids who end up under the care of your AP who is not meant to look after them). The fact that you made your APs break the rules for 12 years is nothing to be proud of. Rather cringe actually.

Stop letting your AP be used as your friend’s babysitter and driver. If they can’t be bothered to bring their own kids to activities why should your AP. It’s okay to offer to do your friends/neighbor a favor if you are the one volunteering to do it and doing the driving, it’s totally not okay to offer to do a favor and then offset the responsibility to your AP making her break her visa rules and putting her in a vulnerable position where any wrong doing (accidental or not) would have a massive impact on her life.


The amount of women who encourage other moms to have their AP break the rules knowing the potential consequences for the AP just because they got away with it is shocking honestly. When you sign a contract, you accept to respect what’s in it. The contract isn’t a guideline you can use to make your own rule or totally dismiss as you see fit, just because it suits you better.

I am 1000 confident and will give you $1m If you can show us a case where an AP was deported for driving a carpool. Your fear mongering is quite bizarre.

Agree. 12:41 poster here. We have said this is part of our setup *in our matching profiles* with four au pairs and two agencies and two LCCs and no one has batted an eye - in face we are commended by au pairs and LCCs alike as a model host family. Everyone is happy. If the didn’t want this they wouldn’t match with us. We are extremely considerate and generous and cautious and law abiding. This is a nonsense issue.

What an agency are you with? A ran this by our LCC and she was like - that's crazy, we would kick them out of the program.

I'm not going to say what agencies because I don't want you to report them, but I really think you're out of touch. Over our four years in the program we have known easily a dozen au pairs who have hosted our kids for playdates. In fact I know of no au pairs who *don't* do this. We are not talking about little kids, of course, and that does make a difference. It's legal for an 8 year old to be left alone in Maryland, so two 10 year olds playing in our yard while the au pair is on duty is really equivalent to, say, dropping your 3 year old off.

PP here. Meant to say: Is *NOT* really equivalent... And to continue the point, playing and socializing are essential to children's wellbeing. If having an au pair meant your kids couldn't play with other kids after the age at which drop-off play dates start, most people wouldn't stay in the program. (Those who sign on for a year of no socializing would be depriving their kids of something that's developmentally essential and important to mental health. Can your kid live without playing with kids their age? Yes. Is it good for them? No - the evidence on this is overwhelming and unequivocal.)