Nanny: “Let me do what I want or I’ll quit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, OP, I'm with your nanny on this one. It is kind of insane not to take a baby out of the house until he's six months old--!! And it's also incredibly unfair to your two-year-old, who has his own established classes and social circles. It is reasonable to ask that they not do outings with lots of other toddlers until the two month vaccinations. But after that, they should be free to go back to their routine, adjusted only if needed for the baby's naps. If that's not something you're comfortable with, you need to think seriously about getting a second nanny for your newborn. Although frankly neither of our children's nannies would ever have agreed to a condition that they not take the baby out of the house until 7-8 months. They were out daily from the start of employment at four months. DH and I were also out regularly with both kids from birth, although obviously with some precautions for germs until they were past the newborn weeks.

She didn't say not to take the baby out of the house. She said "don't drive the baby to the 2-year old classes". Big difference. The nanny can go out daily to the nearby park with both kids.

No, you're the one who is wrong. OP said the newborn couldn't leave the house with the nanny. She said she could take her 2 year old to the park. From the first post:

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house.[b]

She repeated that again. And then later she said "outside from walks" in a parenthetical following saying she wouldn't let the newborn leave the house. Maybe she meant "aside from walks"? In which case, this isn't AS crazy... but that's not at all clear from her first post.

This is her second post:

"I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who [b]don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. (SHOWS THAT DRIVING IS THE ISSUE) The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates. (PARK AND PLAYDATES ARE OK).

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

[Anonymous]

The formatting got totally screwed, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

I make the calls. If parents don't like my style, I move on.
-Entitled Nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

Many many entitled and arrogant MBs. Your nanny made the call and now you’re upset. Guess she figured it out and her life will be much easier without your job. Figure out if your life will be easier during the search for a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

Many many entitled and arrogant MBs. Your nanny made the call and now you’re upset. Guess she figured it out and her life will be much easier without your job. Figure out if your life will be easier during the search for a new nanny.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

NP and MB here. Sure, the nanny’s job is about the child’s well-being and development, but any decent MB/DB will consider the nanny’s well-being and providing a pleasant work environment as well. I don’t expect my daughter’s nanny to put up with something that I wouldn’t. I would feel totally confined and bat-sh*t stir-crazy if I couldn’t go anywhere with my two year old other than the park/playground and play dates for six months and likewise, would understand if nanny was not okay with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

FIRE HER!

After you have some time to find a couple appropriate replacements-fire her.

Its your child. YOU CHOSE HOW TO RAISE THE baby. We did not take our children out much ourselves before they were 6 months old. We didn't start using nannies for over a year after our kids were born. We have NEVER left any of our VERY TRUSTED sitters/nannies drive any of our children. We encouraged walks in the neighborhood, outside time, but no drives anywhere. The baby does not need to be in public, the SITTER DOES. Her priorities are messed up.

By letting your nanny take your children in their car, you are trusting they will not be distracted, will properly put them in and out of their car seat not the easiest thing to install for some people, and trusting they will always be as responsible as you are with your kids.

That is not for me. If I were a nanny I would not want that additional responsibility. Our world is too litigious.

Oh, hello, crazy lady! I feel so sorry for your children. Hope they can breathe through that cotton wool you’ve wound so tightly around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

Actually, everyone is “entitled” to choose the conditions under which they’re willing to accept employment. And that’s a good thing, contrary to your belief. From this thread you’ve seen that there are many, many, families who operate very differently from you (and in fact think you’re wackadoo). So if your nanny is as great as you say, I’m sure she won’t have any problem finding employment with a family whose values are better aligned with hers.

[Anonymous]

since you're willing to take the baby out on weekends ("drag him/her around"), drive both kids around town, and allow playdates/park (exposing him to germs/the outside) then it seems like you just want to exert control without actually putting in the grunt work with the kids. that's fine, but call a spade a spade.
i've yet to hear a reason for this policy. honestly, if you told me i was about to spend all of the upcoming warm weather trapped after enduring a long winter, i would walk away too.

[Anonymous]

People are projecting left and right on this thread. There are many factors that go into how to balance needs between two kids, such as:

1) Germs for newborn—very personal. Are your breastfeeding? Are you planning to vaccinate according to the normal schedule? What is family medical history?
2) Naps for newborn—what are your feelings about sleep training?
3) Trusting nanny to juggle two kids on the go—often parents can’t or just haven’t tried to juggle both and don’t trust nanny to do what they can’t
4) Variety of stimulation for the toddler—same neighborhood playground 5 days a week is NOT enough, unless is it a destination playground with multiple areas (such as a big sandbox, a climbing structure and a tennis court nearby so that you can do different activities on different days). Walks might count but only if there are places to walk TO, other than the park. Do they have a useable yard? Do they have a playroom? What toys do they have in each of these? Can the playroom get messy with art projects or is it the usual blocks, stuffed animals, etc.? Can they do water play outside on hot days?
5) Exercise for toddler—is the park walking distance for the child? Are there sidewalks and is it safe for him to walk? If he will be riding in a stroller to the same small park day after day, he is not going to run and play when he gets there. He will be bored. Nanny can try to play with him but will also be managing baby and can’t play tag etc. without ifnoring baby.
6) Socialization for toddler—yes, 2yos can absolutely form friendships, and I am shocked to read others saying that isn’t so. At that age he should have regular interactions with the same kids over and over, not just be around whoever shows up at the park that day. Playdates are nice and all, but if you don’t want nanny to leave the neighborhood, that means toddler is limited to the friends that live within a certain distance from home. Add in that they probably also have classes on some days, many will be in preschools, etc. and pretty quickly you realize that playdates can be impossible to set up.
7) WAHM needs—mom probably wants baby close if she is nursing but she also probably needs a certain level of quiet. Barring a basement home office with a lock on the door, that means that the kids heading out for a few hours and napping for part of the afternoon might be needed to get through a workday.
8) Nanny needs—tiptoeing around a WAH parent is always tough. Juggling two different ages is always tough. It is okay to ask for concessions that make that combination manageable. It is also relevant what nanny’s schedule looks like. Asking for nanny and kids to stay indoors for 6 hours a day is very different from asking that of a 60-hr-per-week nanny.

The takeaway is that nobody has to be wrong here. Boss proposed a change to the structure of the job, nanny refused.

[Anonymous]

This nanny quit because her job changed and she did not want to accept the changes.

Where is the problem with that? Seriously, how in the world does that make her entitled?! I hope everyone on this board - nanny and working mother alike - is that entitled!!!

[Anonymous]

We did not allow our nanny to drive our db anywhere until she was 6 months old. We even hired someone else to drive our older dd to school (elem) everyday so our nanny didn’t have to. We didn’t want the baby to have to be shuffled around so much, and there is no reason babies should go anywhere if they don’t have to. This is what we wanted. If the nanny disagrees get a new one. Our nanny was fine with the arrangement. They did go on walks to the park, which is a 5min walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This nanny quit because her job changed and she did not want to accept the changes.

Where is the problem with that? Seriously, how in the world does that make her entitled?! I hope everyone on this board - nanny and working mother alike - is that entitled!!!

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP and MB here. Sure, the nanny’s job is about the child’s well-being and development, but any decent MB/DB will consider the nanny’s well-being and providing a pleasant work environment as well. I don’t expect my daughter’s nanny to put up with something that I wouldn’t. I would feel totally confined and bat-sh*t stir-crazy if I couldn’t go anywhere with my two year old other than the park/playground and play dates for six months and likewise, would understand if nanny was not okay with this.

Really? Your home is not your nanny's home. It's her workplace. I assure you, this morning millions of adults on this planet went to the office, where they would remain more or less in the same spot for eight hours, with a quick break for lunch. No driving trips. No "classes". Go the office, do your work, go home in eight hours. That should be your nanny's mindset.

Furthermore, thousands of infant nannies around the world took care of their charges without expecting to drive to and fro all day. Just fine with walks to the park. No playdates for infants, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and MB here. Sure, the nanny’s job is about the child’s well-being and development, but any decent MB/DB will consider the nanny’s well-being and providing a pleasant work environment as well. I don’t expect my daughter’s nanny to put up with something that I wouldn’t. I would feel totally confined and bat-sh*t stir-crazy if I couldn’t go anywhere with my two year old other than the park/playground and play dates for six months and likewise, would understand if nanny was not okay with this.

Really? Your home is not your nanny's home. It's her workplace. I assure you, this morning millions of adults on this planet went to the office, where they would remain more or less in the same spot for eight hours, with a quick break for lunch. No driving trips. No "classes". Go the office, do your work, go home in eight hours. That should be your nanny's mindset.

Furthermore, thousands of infant nannies around the world took care of their charges without expecting to drive to and fro all day. Just fine with walks to the park. No playdates for infants, either.

And most are counting down the days until they can have more adult interaction and mental stimulation. You can't expect anyone, even a homebody, to want to be cooped up for 6+ months. And to upend a 2 year old's schedule on top of that? It's asking for the nanny to quit.