Nanny: “Let me do what I want or I’ll quit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that 90% of responders aren't even reading the thread properly.

OP, you are utterly within your rights to set these rules with the nanny. Here is why:

First and foremost: A two-year old DOES NOT NEED any classes or activities. All of these "activities" are a gimmick marketed to insecure parents. All a two-year old needs are healthy meals, good naps, playtime, cheerful companionship, and ample fresh air. OP said she allows walks to the park, she just doesn't want the nanny to drive both kids. That is totally reasonable. Where exactly does a two-year old need to go so badly?

If the nanny cannot occupy a two-year old with your usual routine of breakfast/cleanup/outside time/playground/lunch/nap/snack/inside playtime/get ready for dinner routine, she is not very good. She can always set up playdates with other nannies or moms in the neighborhood. There is no need to drive anywhere.

Why should the baby be dragged to wherever the two-year old is going? Is he going to hang out poolside in his carseat? Is he going to lay in his carseat in the corner of the room while the two-year old is enacting a ridiculous mommy-and-me-whatever routine? You know full well this is a hassle for the baby.

OP, I feel that your nanny just doesn't want to be contained to the house. This is about her preferences, not the 2-year old needs.

Again: two-year olds do not need structured activities. All needs of a two-year old can be met with an educated, affectionate nanny at home.

Of course OP is within her rights to set the rules. No one has suggested otherwise. And her nanny is equally within her rights to say that she does not want to work under those rules. OP does not have the right to have this particular nanny work for her. The nanny handled it maturely, explaining that she is not happy with the change in circumstances--the OP used to think that organized activities for the two-year-old were fine. The OP doesn't have any principled objection to those activities. She just doesn't want the baby to go anywhere other than the local park for 7-8 months. And the nanny doesn't want to work under those conditions. And many people, including parents, are saying that the nanny's reaction is reasonable. OP just doesn't want to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here. I agree you set the rules, but I think there's a good in between.

No outings/playdates for first 4 months, until baby has gotten his 4 month vaccinations. He should be reasonably protected by then.

Walks and park visits are ok in first 4 months. Fresh air is good for baby and 2yo, and it's spring/summer so weather is conducive.

I'm not a big fan of toddler classes or indoor activities anyway. They are mainly petri dishes of germs in small places

Yes. This mom gets it. Toddlers do not need classes or activities. They are just distractions for adults. Walks, parks and playgrounds is all they need. The baby can accompany them to these outings. There is no need to drag the baby around town and then make them hang out in a carseat or stroller waiting for the 2-year old to finish whatever ridiculousness the nanny thinks they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

Actually, the nanny does get to "make the call" on whether she wants to work for you. And she doesn't want to be confined to the house and the local park for 6-8 months, after not being so confined. I can't really blame her. And, given your attitude, I can't blame her for not wanting to work for you anymore. She's worked for you for what, two years, and you don't trust her to manage taking a baby and a toddler out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that 90% of responders aren't even reading the thread properly.

OP, you are utterly within your rights to set these rules with the nanny. Here is why:

First and foremost: A two-year old DOES NOT NEED any classes or activities. All of these "activities" are a gimmick marketed to insecure parents. All a two-year old needs are healthy meals, good naps, playtime, cheerful companionship, and ample fresh air. OP said she allows walks to the park, she just doesn't want the nanny to drive both kids. That is totally reasonable. Where exactly does a two-year old need to go so badly?

If the nanny cannot occupy a two-year old with your usual routine of breakfast/cleanup/outside time/playground/lunch/nap/snack/inside playtime/get ready for dinner routine, she is not very good. She can always set up playdates with other nannies or moms in the neighborhood. There is no need to drive anywhere.

Why should the baby be dragged to wherever the two-year old is going? Is he going to hang out poolside in his carseat? Is he going to lay in his carseat in the corner of the room while the two-year old is enacting a ridiculous mommy-and-me-whatever routine? You know full well this is a hassle for the baby.

OP, I feel that your nanny just doesn't want to be contained to the house. This is about her preferences, not the 2-year old needs.

Again: two-year olds do not need structured activities. All needs of a two-year old can be met with an educated, affectionate nanny at home.

Of course OP is within her rights to set the rules. No one has suggested otherwise. And her nanny is equally within her rights to say that she does not want to work under those rules. OP does not have the right to have this particular nanny work for her. The nanny handled it maturely, explaining that she is not happy with the change in circumstances--the OP used to think that organized activities for the two-year-old were fine. The OP doesn't have any principled objection to those activities. She just doesn't want the baby to go anywhere other than the local park for 7-8 months. And the nanny doesn't want to work under those conditions. And many people, including parents, are saying that the nanny's reaction is reasonable. OP just doesn't want to hear that.

And I'm saying that the nanny is driven by her own preferences. Not actual needs of a two-year old. My take on his is that she simply prefers to be out of the house with the child in a car, as it makes her feel more independent and gives her more freedom to go wherever.

The nanny should do what's best for her (which is clearly a job with minimum supervision and restrictions). And OP should do what's best for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

Actually, the nanny does get to "make the call" on whether she wants to work for you. And she doesn't want to be confined to the house and the local park for 6-8 months, after not being so confined. I can't really blame her. And, given your attitude, I can't blame her for not wanting to work for you anymore. She's worked for you for what, two years, and you don't trust her to manage taking a baby and a toddler out?

Being dragged to the toddler activities is not what is best for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

Whatever her issues are, you will not be the one to correct them. Your nanny is used to feeling free and independent with your toddler in the car. She doesn't want to lose this feeling. This is about her, not your child's needs.

Fire her and find a nanny used to taking care of two children who will be comfortable working within your rules. Let someone else mother your current nanny. You will do better with a nanny who actually wants to work with you vs. the one who merely condescends to do so.

[Anonymous]

Smh at OP and some of these responses. Reading this thread makes me realize how truly blessed I am with my current family and past families. I hope the nanny does leave bc there is a much better family out there. However, a good nanny can be a hard find.

[Anonymous]

Well, op, would you like to work somewhere where you’re confined with someone else’s children who have very different needs based on their ages?

Oh, you can walk in the same neighborhood and go to the same park every day, is that better? I’m sure nobody will get tired of that. That sounds like a blast. Who needs variety?

You may find someone who that suits just fine, but that’s just not what your current nanny signed up for and you have to accept that she has a right to voice her opinion and possibly tender her resignation.

[Anonymous]

Good heavens. I took all three of my kids out from the get-go and they are healthy. Rarely had colds because their little immune systems were allowed to thrive and build up anti bodies. Bundle them.up in winter, protect from sun in summer. Take to playground and other places. OP, you are simply beyond idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good heavens. I took all three of my kids out from the get-go and they are healthy. Rarely had colds because their little immune systems were allowed to thrive and build up anti bodies. Bundle them.up in winter, protect from sun in summer. Take to playground and other places. OP, you are simply beyond idiotic.

You're the idiotic one because you can't read. OP is OK with the park and the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, op, would you like to work somewhere where you’re confined with someone else’s children who have very different needs based on their ages?

Oh, you can walk in the same neighborhood and go to the same park every day, is that better? I’m sure nobody will get tired of that. That sounds like a blast. Who needs variety?

You may find someone who that suits just fine, but that’s just not what your current nanny signed up for and you have to accept that she has a right to voice her opinion and possibly tender her resignation.

Yes, that's totally what this job is about. Feeling entertained all day.

[Anonymous]

^ Are you actually just the op literally sitting here answering every single response that opposes your original post?

I think at this point most of us can just agree to disagree with the op, and she will probably be looking for a new nanny soon, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Are you actually just the op literally sitting here answering every single response that opposes your original post?

I think at this point most of us can just agree to disagree with the op, and she will probably be looking for a new nanny soon, sadly.

No, I'm a new poster who just found this thread and is aghast at a) the ability of most posters to miss the most basic info in the original post, and b) the unyielding belief that two-year olds need formal classes, activities, and "social circles". Oh, and c) that newborns ought to be carted around town and parked in the corner of the indoor room while the older sibling takes a totally unnecessary activity. Instead of, you know, naps in their own cribs, time with fresh air, and affectionate companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

Whatever her issues are, you will not be the one to correct them. Your nanny is used to feeling free and independent with your toddler in the car. She doesn't want to lose this feeling. This is about her, not your child's needs.

Fire her and find a nanny used to taking care of two children who will be comfortable working within your rules. Let someone else mother your current nanny. You will do better with a nanny who actually wants to work with you vs. the one who merely condescends to do so.

+1 Sounds like nanny prefers to run all over town versus get creative and work with the kiddos at home.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.