Nanny: “Let me do what I want or I’ll quit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

OP, one other option is that the nanny continues to take your 2-year old to classes/activities (although I remain convinced 2-year olds don't need any structured activities) while you stay home with the baby. I know you have to work but perhaps you can arrange the schedule of these activities in such a way that you can take a break for a couple of hours a couple of times a week to spend time with the baby while the older child is in classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Are you actually just the op literally sitting here answering every single response that opposes your original post?

I think at this point most of us can just agree to disagree with the op, and she will probably be looking for a new nanny soon, sadly.

No, I'm a new poster who just found this thread and is aghast at a) the ability of most posters to miss the most basic info in the original post, and b) the unyielding belief that two-year olds need formal classes, activities, and "social circles". Oh, and c) that newborns ought to be carted around town and parked in the corner of the indoor room while the older sibling takes a totally unnecessary activity. Instead of, you know, naps in their own cribs, time with fresh air, and affectionate companionship.

Frankly, it's fine to have a philosophy that two-year-olds don't need to take classes (they don't--although they absolutely do need socialization, which can be achieved in many other ways, including park playgroups). The issue here is starting down a road of having the child engaged in these activities and then abruptly stopping it. It's like the people who pull their older kids out of preschool when the new baby is born to be sure the new baby doesn't get sick. That's also nuts. If you don't want to send your kid to classes (or preschool), great. But don't start those things and then stop when the baby is born--that's a crazy transition for a young child, and a good way to instill a lot of deep resentment of the new sibling. The general rule of thumb is to keep things as consistent as possible for the older child, which means continuing with established routines and caregivers wherever possible. This is sort of the opposite of that. But to each her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Are you actually just the op literally sitting here answering every single response that opposes your original post?

I think at this point most of us can just agree to disagree with the op, and she will probably be looking for a new nanny soon, sadly.

No, I'm a new poster who just found this thread and is aghast at a) the ability of most posters to miss the most basic info in the original post, and b) the unyielding belief that two-year olds need formal classes, activities, and "social circles". Oh, and c) that newborns ought to be carted around town and parked in the corner of the indoor room while the older sibling takes a totally unnecessary activity. Instead of, you know, naps in their own cribs, time with fresh air, and affectionate companionship.

Frankly, it's fine to have a philosophy that two-year-olds don't need to take classes (they don't--although they absolutely do need socialization, which can be achieved in many other ways, including park playgroups). The issue here is starting down a road of having the child engaged in these activities and then abruptly stopping it. It's like the people who pull their older kids out of preschool when the new baby is born to be sure the new baby doesn't get sick. That's also nuts. If you don't want to send your kid to classes (or preschool), great. But don't start those things and then stop when the baby is born--that's a crazy transition for a young child, and a good way to instill a lot of deep resentment of the new sibling. The general rule of thumb is to keep things as consistent as possible for the older child, which means continuing with established routines and caregivers wherever possible. This is sort of the opposite of that. But to each her own.

You and I don't know how many classes/activities the 2-year old takes. Maybe it's a class or two for an hour a week. Frankly, a two-year old won't miss it, and it's easily made up through other ways - like a picnic in the park with a boombox or new toy or whatever. I doubt a two-year old will connect the birth of a new sibling to the fact that they can't go to Dancing with Nanny every Wednesday morning anymore, so I doubt any resentment will seep in.

It's also fine to have a philosophy that consistency is important for a young child. But I didn't get a sense that the nanny wants to quit because she disagrees with OP's parenting philosophy. She wants to quit because she will no longer have the freedom to drive and feel independent in a car. That's my read of her reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here. I agree you set the rules, but I think there's a good in between.

No outings/playdates for first 4 months, until baby has gotten his 4 month vaccinations. He should be reasonably protected by then.

Walks and park visits are ok in first 4 months. Fresh air is good for baby and 2yo, and it's spring/summer so weather is conducive.

I'm not a big fan of toddler classes or indoor activities anyway. They are mainly petri dishes of germs in small places

Yes. This mom gets it. Toddlers do not need classes or activities. They are just distractions for adults. Walks, parks and playgrounds is all they need. The baby can accompany them to these outings. There is no need to drag the baby around town and then make them hang out in a carseat or stroller waiting for the 2-year old to finish whatever ridiculousness the nanny thinks they need.

Your opinion. Mine is that my two-year-old has thrived in her classes, loves her teachers, loves her friends and follows direction better than any other two year old I know. The socialization alone is great as is her rise in empathy for other kids. Our nanny takes her to a different class four mornings a week and storytime at the library on the fifth day. Since our nanny is older and French (limited English) I know the classes do nothing for her. She does them for DD.

And to OP: of course you have the absolute right to raise your children as you see fit. And the nanny has the absolute right to decide that your position is no longer right for her. There need not be any bad guys here. No one is entitled or insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

Playdayes are inconsistent with wanting to keep the newborn away from germs. I don't buy OP's reasoning at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here. I agree you set the rules, but I think there's a good in between.

No outings/playdates for first 4 months, until baby has gotten his 4 month vaccinations. He should be reasonably protected by then.

Walks and park visits are ok in first 4 months. Fresh air is good for baby and 2yo, and it's spring/summer so weather is conducive.

I'm not a big fan of toddler classes or indoor activities anyway. They are mainly petri dishes of germs in small places

Yes. This mom gets it. Toddlers do not need classes or activities. They are just distractions for adults. Walks, parks and playgrounds is all they need. The baby can accompany them to these outings. There is no need to drag the baby around town and then make them hang out in a carseat or stroller waiting for the 2-year old to finish whatever ridiculousness the nanny thinks they need.

Your opinion. Mine is that my two-year-old has thrived in her classes, loves her teachers, loves her friends and follows direction better than any other two year old I know. The socialization alone is great as is her rise in empathy for other kids. Our nanny takes her to a different class four mornings a week and storytime at the library on the fifth day. Since our nanny is older and French (limited English) I know the classes do nothing for her. She does them for DD.

And to OP: of course you have the absolute right to raise your children as you see fit. And the nanny has the absolute right to decide that your position is no longer right for her. There need not be any bad guys here. No one is entitled or insane.

Better than all two-year olds in her classes? Or better than all two-year olds that you know?

I get that it feels good. I still think there is nothing that a two-year old can do in a class that he or she can't do with a nanny. Storytime? Doesn't your nanny read? Seriously. With an exception of swimming, what CAN a two-year old do in a class that can't be done at home?

How exactly does a two-year old become friends with another two-year old she sees for an hour a week doing a structured activity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

Playdayes are inconsistent with wanting to keep the newborn away from germs. I don't buy OP's reasoning at all.

OP didn't say anything about wanting to keep a newborn away from germs. Other posters made that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

Playdayes are inconsistent with wanting to keep the newborn away from germs. I don't buy OP's reasoning at all.

OP didn't say anything about wanting to keep a newborn away from germs. Other posters made that up.

Then I don't understand why the moratorium on classes for six months only when the nanny would have the newborn in tow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here. I agree you set the rules, but I think there's a good in between.

No outings/playdates for first 4 months, until baby has gotten his 4 month vaccinations. He should be reasonably protected by then.

Walks and park visits are ok in first 4 months. Fresh air is good for baby and 2yo, and it's spring/summer so weather is conducive.

I'm not a big fan of toddler classes or indoor activities anyway. They are mainly petri dishes of germs in small places

Yes. This mom gets it. Toddlers do not need classes or activities. They are just distractions for adults. Walks, parks and playgrounds is all they need. The baby can accompany them to these outings. There is no need to drag the baby around town and then make them hang out in a carseat or stroller waiting for the 2-year old to finish whatever ridiculousness the nanny thinks they need.

Your opinion. Mine is that my two-year-old has thrived in her classes, loves her teachers, loves her friends and follows direction better than any other two year old I know. The socialization alone is great as is her rise in empathy for other kids. Our nanny takes her to a different class four mornings a week and storytime at the library on the fifth day. Since our nanny is older and French (limited English) I know the classes do nothing for her. She does them for DD.

And to OP: of course you have the absolute right to raise your children as you see fit. And the nanny has the absolute right to decide that your position is no longer right for her. There need not be any bad guys here. No one is entitled or insane.

+ 1. My son did great in his classes and loved them. I barely tolerated them so, believe me, I did them only for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

Playdayes are inconsistent with wanting to keep the newborn away from germs. I don't buy OP's reasoning at all.

OP didn't say anything about wanting to keep a newborn away from germs. Other posters made that up.

Then I don't understand why the moratorium on classes for six months only when the nanny would have the newborn in tow?

OP doesn't want the newborn to be carted around town for the older child's activities. And maybe doesn't want the nanny to drive the newborn and/or handle both kids at outings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

Playdayes are inconsistent with wanting to keep the newborn away from germs. I don't buy OP's reasoning at all.

OP didn't say anything about wanting to keep a newborn away from germs. Other posters made that up.

Then I don't understand why the moratorium on classes for six months only when the nanny would have the newborn in tow?

OP doesn't want the newborn to be carted around town for the older child's activities. And maybe doesn't want the nanny to drive the newborn and/or handle both kids at outings.

You are guessing at OP's motives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, OP, I'm with your nanny on this one. It is kind of insane not to take a baby out of the house until he's six months old--!! And it's also incredibly unfair to your two-year-old, who has his own established classes and social circles. It is reasonable to ask that they not do outings with lots of other toddlers until the two month vaccinations. But after that, they should be free to go back to their routine, adjusted only if needed for the baby's naps. If that's not something you're comfortable with, you need to think seriously about getting a second nanny for your newborn. Although frankly neither of our children's nannies would ever have agreed to a condition that they not take the baby out of the house until 7-8 months. They were out daily from the start of employment at four months. DH and I were also out regularly with both kids from birth, although obviously with some precautions for germs until they were past the newborn weeks.

She didn't say not to take the baby out of the house. She said "don't drive the baby to the 2-year old classes". Big difference. The nanny can go out daily to the nearby park with both kids.

No, you're the one who is wrong. OP said the newborn couldn't leave the house with the nanny. She said she could take her 2 year old to the park. From the first post:

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes [b]because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house.[b]

She repeated that again. And then later she said "outside from walks" in a parenthetical following saying she wouldn't let the newborn leave the house. Maybe she meant "aside from walks"? In which case, this isn't AS crazy... but that's not at all clear from her first post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am not going to argue what is wrong or right in terms of activities, but I think both parties are right. Op is right as a parent to decide what she wants for her children. I think it’s a little crazy, but her choice. Her nanny is right to decide what type of position she wants. She handled things maturely

I think OP saying nannies on this thread are entitled, which can be true, but there are just as many entitled MB’s who think their nanny is their servnat to do as they please, without any decision of their own. If the nanny doesn’t like it, many parents like OP want to call her immature and entitled. Ops nanny is just as much entitled to leave if it’s no longer a good fit, just as MB can change the rules of the position. I think OP needs to grow up and realize her nanny handled things more maturely instead of just quitting. Her nanny is not a servant to do as she pleases. The nanny has the right to do what is best for her, even OP doesn’t agree or like it. I hunk OP sounds like a nightmare of a mom, and her nanny doesn’t want to spend time in the house with two kids and a controlling MB. I think her nanny has every right to quit if the job is no longer suitable for her needs.

She doesn't have to spend time in the house. OP is OK with park, playground and playdates.

Playdayes are inconsistent with wanting to keep the newborn away from germs. I don't buy OP's reasoning at all.

OP didn't say anything about wanting to keep a newborn away from germs. Other posters made that up.

Then I don't understand why the moratorium on classes for six months only when the nanny would have the newborn in tow?

OP doesn't want the newborn to be carted around town for the older child's activities. And maybe doesn't want the nanny to drive the newborn and/or handle both kids at outings.

You are guessing at OP's motives.

I'm not. Her original post said "Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, you're the one who is wrong. OP said the newborn couldn't leave the house with the nanny. She said she could take her 2 year old to the park. From the first post:

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes [b]because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house.[b]

She repeated that again. And then later she said "outside from walks" in a parenthetical following saying she wouldn't let the newborn leave the house. Maybe she meant "aside from walks"? In which case, this isn't AS crazy... but that's not at all clear from her first post.

I read it to mean the nanny can go for walks, to the park and playdates with both kids or either of them. So it's she doesn't want the newborn to leave the house aside from being taken on a walk around the the neighborhood or to the park. But not drive them together. OP later added that they have a park a few blocks away.

I think that's perfectly reasonable. Park, playground, walking and playdates is plenty to keep a 2-year old busy.