Nanny: “Let me do what I want or I’ll quit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

What exactly can you walk to from your house?
And how far is it? (No fibbing, please.)

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 4 here. I agree you set the rules, but I think there's a good in between.

No outings/playdates for first 4 months, until baby has gotten his 4 month vaccinations. He should be reasonably protected by then.

Walks and park visits are ok in first 4 months. Fresh air is good for baby and 2yo, and it's spring/summer so weather is conducive.

I'm not a big fan of toddler classes or indoor activities anyway. They are mainly petri dishes of germs in small places

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

OP: The things you say in this post don't line up with your new parameters for the nanny. Why do you trust nanny to go out with one child but not two (especially when the latter is totally non-mobile)? I think most assumed it was a health safety thing, but that doesn't really make sense if you take your newborn out of the house. If it's a driving safety thing, why would you allow her to drive your 2 year old? If it's a driving thing, why couldn't she walk to the park?

I am an MB, not a nanny. I just genuinely don't understand what your concern is. And your nanny calling you in for a meeting to explain her position is exactly what a nanny should do in these circumstances. It's entirely reasonable for anyone to negotiate with their employers, especially if their employers up and change the rules midstream. Being stuck in your house for 6 months with a 2 year old and a newborn -- especially a 2 year old used to getting out -- is enough to drive anyone crazy. The fact you and DH plan to keep taking your kids out on the weekends means, at root, you realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

OP, most of the people who have responded on this thread are employers, not nannies.

But at any rate, it sounds like you know what you have to do. Just be very explicit about the conditions of employment as you look for a new nanny, and know that you may need to pay a bit more or look a bit longer to find someone willing to work in that setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

Uh, I'm willing to bet that a number of these PPs are MBs, not just nannies. I'm an MB and I think you're being extreme and I think your nanny's response was justified and mature - to discuss how your radically changing her day to day working conditions. You sound more than a tad rigid. If I had to guess, perhaps this is just the last straw for the nanny? I feel for your older kid to have to adjust to a new nanny and a new sibling at the same time.

It sounds like you don't trust your nanny very much, so maybe getting someone new would be better? I can't imagine not trusting my nanny to take out the infant. Look, I get not wanting to take a 6 week old to lots of places, but waiting til 7-8 months is odd, and it sounds like you only want to wait because you don't trust your nanny.

Your nanny sounds normal. You, however, do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

I am a mother who employs a nanny and I think you are insane.

Whatever. Your nanny quit so what is the problem? Find another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.

Yes, DH and I take both of our children ourthat doesn’t mean I feel comfortable allowing our nanny to do the same.

Massive difference between a SAHM and a nanny. The nanny is there to do the job, the job she’s hired to do and that means following parental request. I don’t pay someone to do whatever they want.

I’m not being unreasonable. I know plenty of families who don’t allow their nannies to drive even their older children. The children are happy and well-adjusted. They get out on the weekends.

There is a park a few blocks away. My child won’t suffer, we keep him engaged on the weekends and we are still open to play dates.

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

I am an MB and again, there is nothing entitled about leaving a job that has changed drastically and is no longer right for you.

You are not hearing what anyone has to say, OP. We, the mothers who have nannies, do not all agree with you. Stop trolling.

[Anonymous]

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

I think you’re just angry that almost everyone who replied thinks your conditions are a little unreasonable.

Yes, of course since you’re the parent, you get to “make the calls” on what you think is best for your child. The nanny also gets to make her own calls about where she’ll be working from now on.

I agree that she handled it maturely and responsibly, giving everyone room to talk things out and make a plan of action.

Being stuck in your house for 6 months with a 2 year old and a newborn -- especially a 2 year old used to getting out -- is enough to drive anyone crazy. The fact you and DH plan to keep taking your kids out on the weekends means, at root, you realize that.

YES TO THIS. A million times YES.

There’s only so much you can do to entertain children indoors. Being stuck in a house all day is no fun for the children or the responsible adults. And the op DOES know this.

I am currently a nanny for one almost four year old boy (who is always bouncing off the walls as I’m sure you all know) and I have never been allowed to drive him anywhere. Plus, his mother has always primarily worked from home. It’s been 3 years and I love him so much, but I would NEVER put myself in this situation again.

I hate that ideal, by the way, “Who cares if her or the kids are miserable during her working hours, cause it’s her job!” It’s like that one post I saw where the parents didn’t want the kids napping while the nanny was there so they could have an easier time putting the kids to bed.

[Anonymous]

I feel that 90% of responders aren't even reading the thread properly.

OP, you are utterly within your rights to set these rules with the nanny. Here is why:

First and foremost: A two-year old DOES NOT NEED any classes or activities. All of these "activities" are a gimmick marketed to insecure parents. All a two-year old needs are healthy meals, good naps, playtime, cheerful companionship, and ample fresh air. OP said she allows walks to the park, she just doesn't want the nanny to drive both kids. That is totally reasonable. Where exactly does a two-year old need to go so badly?

If the nanny cannot occupy a two-year old with your usual routine of breakfast/cleanup/outside time/playground/lunch/nap/snack/inside playtime/get ready for dinner routine, she is not very good. She can always set up playdates with other nannies or moms in the neighborhood. There is no need to drive anywhere.

Why should the baby be dragged to wherever the two-year old is going? Is he going to hang out poolside in his carseat? Is he going to lay in his carseat in the corner of the room while the two-year old is enacting a ridiculous mommy-and-me-whatever routine? You know full well this is a hassle for the baby.

OP, I feel that your nanny just doesn't want to be contained to the house. This is about her preferences, not the 2-year old needs.

Again: two-year olds do not need structured activities. All needs of a two-year old can be met with an educated, affectionate nanny at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many many entitled nannies on this thread. You don’t make the calls, your employers do. Figure that out, and your life will be much easier.

I think you’re just angry that almost everyone who replied thinks your conditions are a little unreasonable.

Yes, of course since you’re the parent, you get to “make the calls” on what you think is best for your child. The nanny also gets to make her own calls about where she’ll be working from now on.

I agree that she handled it maturely and responsibly, giving everyone room to talk things out and make a plan of action.

Being stuck in your house for 6 months with a 2 year old and a newborn -- especially a 2 year old used to getting out -- is enough to drive anyone crazy. The fact you and DH plan to keep taking your kids out on the weekends means, at root, you realize that.

YES TO THIS. A million times YES.

There’s only so much you can do to entertain children indoors. Being stuck in a house all day is no fun for the children or the responsible adults. And the op DOES know this.

I am currently a nanny for one almost four year old boy (who is always bouncing off the walls as I’m sure you all know) and I have never been allowed to drive him anywhere. Plus, his mother has always primarily worked from home. It’s been 3 years and I love him so much, but I would NEVER put myself in this situation again.

I hate that ideal, by the way, “Who cares if her or the kids are miserable during her working hours, cause it’s her job!” It’s like that one post I saw where the parents didn’t want the kids napping while the nanny was there so they could have an easier time putting the kids to bed.

Who said anything about being stuck in the house? OP said she allows walks and there is a park a few blocks away.

And if you can't entertain a two-year old indoors on a rainy day, you're just not very good at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, OP, I'm with your nanny on this one. It is kind of insane not to take a baby out of the house until he's six months old--!! And it's also incredibly unfair to your two-year-old, who has his own established classes and social circles. It is reasonable to ask that they not do outings with lots of other toddlers until the two month vaccinations. But after that, they should be free to go back to their routine, adjusted only if needed for the baby's naps. If that's not something you're comfortable with, you need to think seriously about getting a second nanny for your newborn. Although frankly neither of our children's nannies would ever have agreed to a condition that they not take the baby out of the house until 7-8 months. They were out daily from the start of employment at four months. DH and I were also out regularly with both kids from birth, although obviously with some precautions for germs until they were past the newborn weeks.

She didn't say not to take the baby out of the house. She said "don't drive the baby to the 2-year old classes". Big difference. The nanny can go out daily to the nearby park with both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny, OP, and I couldn't stay in my position with those new, severe restrictions either. It is not a "my way or the highway" type of thing but more that I simply wouldn't feel right about taking a two-year-old away from his social outlets and socialization to cater to my boss' irrational fears. As sad as I would be to leave my charge, I would.

Why can't you socialize in the park and on playdates? Why do you need to drive to formal activities to make that happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you are being ridiculous however your nanny has decided those terms don't work for her which is very understandable. Being in a house for 6 months with a newborn and toddler is not for everyone. I wouldn't look at it as her giving you an ultimatum, she is trying to be mature and let you know her thoughts. Time to look for someone else but be very clear that they won't be leaving the house for 6-8 months.

OP said she allows outside walks, park and playdates. Where do you get that they won't be leaving the house for six months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's nanny is totally correct. Of course OP has the right to set parameters for her kid, but her nanny has the right to get a new job if she doesn't like the new parameters. Given that the new parameters here are insane, I'm with the nanny.

OP: You sound like you have serious anxiety or control issues. Newborns can leave the house safely. Certainly post-2 month vaccines and now that we're out of flu season, I wouldn't worry even at classes. Just ask the nanny to wear the newborn or leave him/her in the stroller, so that people don't touch him/her.

Also, your 2 year old will regress and resent the hell out of the baby if you follow through with this plan. If you are really saying your 2 year old isn't going to be allowed to go to the playground during the spring/summer/fall? He will never forgive you or, more importantly, the baby. Please please rethink this.

Also, switching nannies right when your two year old gets a new baby sibling? Terrible call if at all avoidable.

People don't really read, do they. OP said she doesn't want the nanny to DRIVE the newborn to the 2-year old's activities. The nanny is free to take them both to the park, on daily walks, or on playdates.

Two-year olds don't need formal activities, and infants don't need to be hanging out in the stroller waiting for the class to be over.