Nanny: “Let me do what I want or I’ll quit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and MB here. Sure, the nanny’s job is about the child’s well-being and development, but any decent MB/DB will consider the nanny’s well-being and providing a pleasant work environment as well. I don’t expect my daughter’s nanny to put up with something that I wouldn’t. I would feel totally confined and bat-sh*t stir-crazy if I couldn’t go anywhere with my two year old other than the park/playground and play dates for six months and likewise, would understand if nanny was not okay with this.

Really? Your home is not your nanny's home. It's her workplace. I assure you, this morning millions of adults on this planet went to the office, where they would remain more or less in the same spot for eight hours, with a quick break for lunch. No driving trips. No "classes". Go the office, do your work, go home in eight hours. That should be your nanny's mindset.

Furthermore, thousands of infant nannies around the world took care of their charges without expecting to drive to and fro all day. Just fine with walks to the park. No playdates for infants, either.

There is a huge difference between being in an office for eight hours and being in the house with a two year old for eight hours. Going to the park is great but I love taking my toddler to the library, out to lunch, to museums and playrooms, music class, etc. I know our nanny likes it as well and it's good for my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This nanny quit because her job changed and she did not want to accept the changes.

Where is the problem with that? Seriously, how in the world does that make her entitled?! I hope everyone on this board - nanny and working mother alike - is that entitled!!!

+ 1

+2. A good nanny can get another job that fits her better and where she is happier. Why should she stay where she is unhappy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...
3) Trusting nanny to juggle two kids on the go—often parents can’t or just haven’t tried to juggle both and don’t trust nanny to do what they can’t
4) Variety of stimulation for the toddler—same neighborhood playground 5 days a week is NOT enough, unless is it a destination playground with multiple areas (such as a big sandbox, a climbing structure and a tennis court nearby so that you can do different activities on different days). Walks might count but only if there are places to walk TO, other than the park. Do they have a useable yard? Do they have a playroom? What toys do they have in each of these? Can the playroom get messy with art projects or is it the usual blocks, stuffed animals, etc.? Can they do water play outside on hot days?

That is your typical UMC nonsense. Two-year olds are stimulated by life itself, by being alive, by encountering their surroundings. Not only can a 2-year old go to the same damn park every day, they can look forward to it as part of their daily routine.

Anonymous wrote:
5) Exercise for toddler—is the park walking distance for the child? Are there sidewalks and is it safe for him to walk? If he will be riding in a stroller to the same small park day after day, he is not going to run and play when he gets there. He will be bored. Nanny can try to play with him but will also be managing baby and can’t play tag etc. without ifnoring baby.

So how exactly will the nanny mind a 2-year old during a class, where, to my knowledge, toddlers are expected to be adult-supervised pretty closely? If she can't mind both in a park, how would she be able to mind them in a class? First you say parents can't believe the nanny will be able to juggle both children, now you are saying that she actually can't. Make up your mind.

Anonymous wrote:
6) Socialization for toddler—yes, 2yos can absolutely form friendships, and I am shocked to read others saying that isn’t so. At that age he should have regular interactions with the same kids over and over, not just be around whoever shows up at the park that day. Playdates are nice and all, but if you don’t want nanny to leave the neighborhood, that means toddler is limited to the friends that live within a certain distance from home. Add in that they probably also have classes on some days, many will be in preschools, etc. and pretty quickly you realize that playdates can be impossible to set up.

What sort of "regular interaction with the same kids" are you expecting in a one-hour once-a-week class where toddlers are doing what they are told vs. engaging in free play? A class that's over in eight weeks, in all likelihood? A toddler is much more likely to form a "friendship" with another toddler he sees every day in a park, or plays with free during a playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and MB here. Sure, the nanny’s job is about the child’s well-being and development, but any decent MB/DB will consider the nanny’s well-being and providing a pleasant work environment as well. I don’t expect my daughter’s nanny to put up with something that I wouldn’t. I would feel totally confined and bat-sh*t stir-crazy if I couldn’t go anywhere with my two year old other than the park/playground and play dates for six months and likewise, would understand if nanny was not okay with this.

Really? Your home is not your nanny's home. It's her workplace. I assure you, this morning millions of adults on this planet went to the office, where they would remain more or less in the same spot for eight hours, with a quick break for lunch. No driving trips. No "classes". Go the office, do your work, go home in eight hours. That should be your nanny's mindset.

Furthermore, thousands of infant nannies around the world took care of their charges without expecting to drive to and fro all day. Just fine with walks to the park. No playdates for infants, either.

And most are counting down the days until they can have more adult interaction and mental stimulation. You can't expect anyone, even a homebody, to want to be cooped up for 6+ months. And to upend a 2 year old's schedule on top of that? It's asking for the nanny to quit.

Being able to go the park, playdates and playground is not being cooped up.

I'm sorry, but if you need lots of adult interaction to get through your workday, you shouldn't be a nanny. Adult interaction just isn't a part of the package. As for mental stimulation, minding a 2-year old development should be plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and MB here. Sure, the nanny’s job is about the child’s well-being and development, but any decent MB/DB will consider the nanny’s well-being and providing a pleasant work environment as well. I don’t expect my daughter’s nanny to put up with something that I wouldn’t. I would feel totally confined and bat-sh*t stir-crazy if I couldn’t go anywhere with my two year old other than the park/playground and play dates for six months and likewise, would understand if nanny was not okay with this.

Really? Your home is not your nanny's home. It's her workplace. I assure you, this morning millions of adults on this planet went to the office, where they would remain more or less in the same spot for eight hours, with a quick break for lunch. No driving trips. No "classes". Go the office, do your work, go home in eight hours. That should be your nanny's mindset.

Furthermore, thousands of infant nannies around the world took care of their charges without expecting to drive to and fro all day. Just fine with walks to the park. No playdates for infants, either.

There is a huge difference between being in an office for eight hours and being in the house with a two year old for eight hours. Going to the park is great but I love taking my toddler to the library, out to lunch, to museums and playrooms, music class, etc. I know our nanny likes it as well and it's good for my child.

"Nanny likes it" and "good for my child" are two different, wholly unrelated things. Also, she's not in the house for eight hours. They can go to the park, playground, playdates.. A normal two-year old also naps for 2 to 3 hours. Add an hour or two for an outing, and you're down to four hours. Manageable, don't you think?

Also, you may like taking your toddler to museums, but you should know that your toddler gets nothing out of it except the pleasure of your company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

Let her go. Find a new nanny who is happy with the terms you outlined. It is better to employ someone who is genuinely happy to be there rather than someone who is resentful. Plenty of nannies will find this gig appealing, depending on your compensation. Six months is a very short spell so if someone absolutely cannot go without driving excursions for six months, you don't need to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

Let her go. Find a new nanny who is happy with the terms you outlined. It is better to employ someone who is genuinely happy to be there rather than someone who is resentful. Plenty of nannies will find this gig appealing, depending on your compensation. Six months is a very short spell so if someone absolutely cannot go without driving excursions for six months, you don't need to deal with this.

OP can definitely find another nanny but there will not be plenty of nannies who will find this gig appealing. Many will apply and leave when a better position becomes available. Remember this is also a WAHM mom. And based on OPs attitude I’d be shocked if she was actually paying well.

[Anonymous]

Finding a new nanny who wants to take care of your 2 year old, a baby while you work at home and outings are limited.. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

Let her go. Find a new nanny who is happy with the terms you outlined. It is better to employ someone who is genuinely happy to be there rather than someone who is resentful. Plenty of nannies will find this gig appealing, depending on your compensation. Six months is a very short spell so if someone absolutely cannot go without driving excursions for six months, you don't need to deal with this.

OP can definitely find another nanny but there will not be plenty of nannies who will find this gig appealing. Many will apply and leave when a better position becomes available. Remember this is also a WAHM mom. And based on OPs attitude I’d be shocked if she was actually paying well.

She doesn't need plenty, she just needs one. There is someone for everyone. For every nanny who MUST have driving outings, there are others who are fine without them, and in fact prefer not to drive.

[Anonymous]

How much are you offering, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

Let her go. Find a new nanny who is happy with the terms you outlined. It is better to employ someone who is genuinely happy to be there rather than someone who is resentful. Plenty of nannies will find this gig appealing, depending on your compensation. Six months is a very short spell so if someone absolutely cannot go without driving excursions for six months, you don't need to deal with this.

OP can definitely find another nanny but there will not be plenty of nannies who will find this gig appealing. Many will apply and leave when a better position becomes available. Remember this is also a WAHM mom. And based on OPs attitude I’d be shocked if she was actually paying well.

She doesn't need plenty, she just needs one. There is someone for everyone. For every nanny who MUST have driving outings, there are others who are fine without them, and in fact prefer not to drive.

However, if she selects a nanny who does not like to drive or do outings, then she may need to search for a new nanny again in six months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This nanny quit because her job changed and she did not want to accept the changes.

Where is the problem with that? Seriously, how in the world does that make her entitled?! I hope everyone on this board - nanny and working mother alike - is that entitled!!!

+ 1

+2

OP changed the terms of the job. The nanny doesn't like the changes. Anytime the conditions of employment change, an employee decides whether or not to keep working. That's not entitled, that's just how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This nanny quit because her job changed and she did not want to accept the changes.

Where is the problem with that? Seriously, how in the world does that make her entitled?! I hope everyone on this board - nanny and working mother alike - is that entitled!!!

+ 1

+2

OP changed the terms of the job. The nanny doesn't like the changes. Anytime the conditions of employment change, an employee decides whether or not to keep working. That's not entitled, that's just how it works.

+3

[Anonymous]

I’d quit too.

Why? I’d be unhappy, and I won’t stay in a position where I’m unhappy. It’s that simple, really.

I’m sure Op can find a nanny willing to work with a SAHM, a toddler, a newborn and no outings. There is someone for everything, and you’ll find a good fit.

That being said, your pool of potential nannies may be very small. I’ve done this for years and no outings is a dealbreaker for many nannies. However, finding an older nanny or a nanny who doesn’t drive may be a good solution.

In the end, it’s no longer a good fit. I don’t think your nanny is irresponsible or immature. It was mature of her to let you know her plans.

I think a lot of employers are mistaken and believe because they pay us, they own us. We have as much of a right to end the working agreeement as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d quit too.

Why? I’d be unhappy, and I won’t stay in a position where I’m unhappy. It’s that simple, really.

I’m sure Op can find a nanny willing to work with a SAHM, a toddler, a newborn and no outings. There is someone for everything, and you’ll find a good fit.

That being said, your pool of potential nannies may be very small. I’ve done this for years and no outings is a dealbreaker for many nannies. However, finding an older nanny or a nanny who doesn’t drive may be a good solution.

In the end, it’s no longer a good fit. I don’t think your nanny is irresponsible or immature. It was mature of her to let you know her plans.

I think a lot of employers are mistaken and believe because they pay us, they own us. We have as much of a right to end the working agreeement as you do.

Exactly. Plus I know nannies who will never again take a job with a parent at home.