Nanny: “Let me do what I want or I’ll quit.”

[Anonymous]

I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

[Anonymous]

First, I am not a nanny. I think it's extremely unreasonable to not go out until 7-8 months especially WITH a 2 year old in the mix. That is a recipe for disaster. It's not about your nanny being entitled or mature.

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, OP, I'm with your nanny on this one. It is kind of insane not to take a baby out of the house until he's six months old--!! And it's also incredibly unfair to your two-year-old, who has his own established classes and social circles. It is reasonable to ask that they not do outings with lots of other toddlers until the two month vaccinations. But after that, they should be free to go back to their routine, adjusted only if needed for the baby's naps. If that's not something you're comfortable with, you need to think seriously about getting a second nanny for your newborn. Although frankly neither of our children's nannies would ever have agreed to a condition that they not take the baby out of the house until 7-8 months. They were out daily from the start of employment at four months. DH and I were also out regularly with both kids from birth, although obviously with some precautions for germs until they were past the newborn weeks.

[Anonymous]

It's your child and you are the employer, so you call the shots, even if that means getting a new nanny who will follow your wishes. Some nannies will be okay with this because it is a bit of a hassle to take a newborn and a two-year-old and get everyone there and back safely.

But will you and your husband not take your infant anywhere (other than walks) until he is 7 or 8 months? So no family outings? That does seem a bit unusual.

[Anonymous]

So you are going to make your older child suffer?! The nanny is right, OP.


Regardless, you presented her with a situation she didn't agree with and she is leaving. Nothing to be miffed about. Her job changed and she did not agree with the change. You part ways amicably now.

I am an MB btw.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, you are being ridiculous. Do you think SAHMs do this when a second child is born? I feel so sorry for your older child who is getting his life thrown to hell because of your nonsensical fears. Your older child is losing his classes, his social circle and now his nanny.

Way to make him hate his sibling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

I don't see her as either entitled or immature. You changed her job drastically and she doesn't want the change so she is leaving. Anyone, in any job, would do this, OP.


I feel bad for your two yr old.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny, OP, and I couldn't stay in my position with those new, severe restrictions either. It is not a "my way or the highway" type of thing but more that I simply wouldn't feel right about taking a two-year-old away from his social outlets and socialization to cater to my boss' irrational fears. As sad as I would be to leave my charge, I would.

[Anonymous]

6 months!!! That's nuts. She keeps the baby in a wrap or a car seat, and doesn't let people touch him. That's how the rest of the world does it.

[Anonymous]

This is why I’m open with parents that I don’t work with ftms, or infants under 6 months, unless the parent is willing to have BOTH kids make concessions, not just 1...

Your 2 year old will lose out educationally, socially and physically!

[Anonymous]

You don't deserve a nanny, OP. Please get yourself a babysitter and she'll have little, if any opinion of your irrational behavior.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are being ridiculous however your nanny has decided those terms don't work for her which is very understandable. Being in a house for 6 months with a newborn and toddler is not for everyone. I wouldn't look at it as her giving you an ultimatum, she is trying to be mature and let you know her thoughts. Time to look for someone else but be very clear that they won't be leaving the house for 6-8 months.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are going to have a tough time finding someone willing to be trapped inside with a WAHM, a 2yo and an infant for half a year. You are welcome to decide that is a dealbreaker for you, but please don’t punish your nanny for giving you clear notice that your plan is a dealbreaker for her. I an sure she thought that the first few months when she wasn’t permitted to talk DS out were partly because he was an infant but mostly because she was new and you didn’t have an established trusting relationship. She probably thought that, like most parents of two, you would be looking to balance the needs of both children and that you would trust your long-term, experienced nanny not to put the baby at undue risk while also trying to maintain consistency for the toddler. Your plan of keeping a toddler in the house for the next 6+ months is definitely very conservative—you are an outlier and she wasn’t expecting that. Please don’t punish her by badmouthing her or refusing to provide a good reference. She could have just quit and moved on without giving you the real reason and a chance to decide whether it is something you can be flexible on.

[Anonymous]

MB here.

While I think you are being extreme in your restrictions, it is your right to set whatever parameters you feel best for your child. I would not respond well to an ultimatum like this from someone who works for me and I would be inclined (if I could swing it) to say "I fully understand Joanne. If you are unable or unwilling to work under these circumstances that is entirely your right to decide. I'd appreciate if you could give me 3 - 4 weeks to find a replacement, in exchange for which I'll be happy to give you an excellent recommendation. Of course, I hope that you would be able to work with these temporary restrictions as you've been fantastic and we'd love to have you stay on. But the choice is yours and I respect whatever you decide."

It's a PITA to find a new nanny, but it's also a colossal pain to feel like your decisions about your children are not respected. You are the employer, you define the job. If the nanny wants to walk away that's fine - if you're paying good wages you will have no trouble finding someone else for the position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so miffed at our nanny of almost two years. She’s been with DS since he was 6 months old. She’s great with him and is educated (bachelors in education) but definitely has her ideas of how things should be.

I had our second three weeks ago and my maternity leave was suppose to be three months. Due to some deadlines I need to start working from home and will need nanny to take over care when baby is 6 weeks. Nanny agreed and will receive a pay increase.

I mentioned that I would be canceling my 2-year-olds classes because I don’t want nevowne leaving the house. She looked displeased and asked me when outings would be ok again. I didn’t let my older boy leave with nanny until he was 7:8 months old and doubt I’ll feel comfortable with new baby leaving until he’s at least six months old. I told nanny no outings (outside from walks) until baby is six months old.

Today she asked to come in early to have a sit-down meeting. She essentially said she will be looking for a new position if I don’t allow outings. She’s putting me in a horrible spot. Either let her drag my newborn around town or I have to find a new nanny. I find this incredibly immature and demanding? I definitely couldn’t approach my boss with an ultimatum.

She is young, so maybe the entitlement is a maturity issue?

You are beyond ridiculous! 7-8 months beforehand
outings--crazy!