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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP is an entitled, greedy woman, with little regard for the well-being of her innocent child. So sad.[/quote]

Oh, please.  She puts a family vacation with her child and a safer, more reliable car for her husband and children above throwing more money at the nanny every time the nanny asks, and despite her sense that the nanny is already fairly paid?  Yup, she clearly has no regard for the well-being of her child.  The nannies on this board are stunningly immature and unsophisticated about the world.  The OP never told the nanny she was broke and wouldn't be spending money on anything; she just said they don't have funds for a raise right now.  A professional nanny would say "got it" and either look for a new job or get back to work with a smile or try to get them to commit to a raise in six months or a year.  Or maybe all of the above.  She certainly would not snipe at her boss about how the boss spends money.

OP, you are right:  How you spend your money is none of the nanny's business.  Some nannies think they are shareholders in the family finances.  If she's disappointed, there is some chance that you will lose her.  Personally, I would rather replace the nanny than be subject to emotional blackmail (pay up or you'll traumatize your child) from an unprofessional twit.  If you get any further attitude about the car or the vacation, I would sit nanny down and tell her that kind of commentary is inappropriate and needs to stop, and that you understand her disappointment but if she can no longer be happy in her job, you need to replace her.  These things are best nipped in the bud.

And for the harpies, no, I don't have trouble keeping nannies long term and it isn't because I pay whatever the nannies ask for.  It's because I hire professional adults and expect them to behave as such.[/quote]

OP here, thank you, you are like one of the only people who read what I wrote and didn't jump to crazy conclusions. You make sense and I agree with you.[/quote]

Sit the nanny down and tell her that her commentary needs to stop?

Do you really think that will work? Do you think that will make the nanny happy and sweet, once again? Will that make the nanny's feelings just go away? Will that solve the whole problem?

No. You wish that would work (it is a cheap solution!) but it won't.

Here's what will work: Sit down with the nanny. Say something like this, "I see you are feeling upset about the raise issue. I don't want there to be bad feelings between us. It must be especially hard with us traveling abroad and buying new vehicles. I understand you being confused. We value what you do, and the kids love you, and I don't want you to think otherwise. I guess I wasn't completely honest the other day. It's not so much that we can't afford it. It's that we just gave you a raise 9 months ago, and I think it's a bit soon to raise your rate again. Why don't we revisit this in ___ months?"

And that's all. Instead of saying, "naughty girl, stop this immediately!" you are being respectful of her feelings, and hearing her. It's the way you hope she will treat your kids, and the way you'd like to be treated yourself, I'm sure.

You've said that you don't think she is doing her job any better, so why should she get a raise? Here's why: most people do get better with more experience. In the case of a nanny, after two years, she most likely knows the best way to calm your children. she knows what books they like, she knows which one has a talent for art, and which one needs a lot of time alone.  These things are invisitble, but they still have value. More importantly, your children have a bond with her. That bond is invisible--it's not like a salesman meeting a quota--but it is still there and still has value.

Finally, I have no advice about the Jamaica thing, except to say she will be hurt and mad. You may think you are saving money, but there WILL be a cost to treating someone so badly.[/quote]

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