My nanny has lost my trust, very complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pp here.

What you nannies are saying you can do-- identify signs of milk allergy and withhold a child from dairy --is something that not even parents should do without consulting a pediatrician. Pediatrians go through MED SCHOOL for this. You nannies thinking you are pediatricians are nuts and stupid, frankly. You talk on this board about giving medications like tylenol and when you can do it. You need parental consent to even give Tylenol to your charges. To say you are right in eliminating dairy because you know better than the mom is so far off base and completely indefensible. EVEN PEDIATRICIANS CAN BE WRONG AND THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE WHAT YOU CALL MALPRACTICE LAWSUITS. Nannies are not in the business of diagnosing allergies. Period.

You are an idiot. It is actually really easy to identify a milk allergy. There is almost always spots of blood in a baby's stools.

Oh and they have malpractice lawsuits b/c there are asshats like you who think that medicine is cut and dry, instead of full of different possibilities all that can lead to different outcomes. God you are stupid.

If you are so smart why are you a nanny making $15 bucks an hour instead of being a doctor yourself making $100 an hour? Think about that. maybe there are things more complicated than your simple mind can handle. Go back to changing poppy diapers and saying "yes ma'am" to your mb which you obviously do everyday because it is the only way someone can get so angry towards mb's on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, as an employer of a few different nannies over the last 7 years.

First, if your nanny eliminated diary after telling you numerous times, and you telling her not to eliminate it, she did this with your child's best interests at heart. Isn't that the kind of nanny you want?

Second, you talk about "trust" like trust is about your nanny following your every command and never showing any sign of judgment on her own. Like this is how trust is earned. You are severely misguided on this. Trust is earned by your nanny putting your child first and foremost. I trust my nanny with my children not b/c she blindly follows my advice at all times, but b/c she has always shown herself to put my kids first. Period. That isn't to say she doesn't do what I ask, but quite frankly, I don't micromanage what she feeds them, etc.

If you want a happy nanny-employer relationship, which is crucial to your child's happiness and wellbeing, you need to let go and TRUST your nanny's judgment, not just that she follows your commands.

A nanny isn't a housekeeper - who you want to clean your house is a certain manner. And if you treat her as such, and expect as such, you are shortchanging your child.

This is obviously a nanny.

Here is what a real employers think. Giving nanny room to work is important for her job satisfaction but clear communication trumps that. If your nanny willfully kept something from you, it is a big red flag.

[Anonymous]

So if a nanny thinks a certain preschool is better than the one the parents like, the charges should go to the one that the nanny likes, right? after all, it is all in the best interest of the child. the parents should be thankful to have such a insightful nanny.

you guys are all nuts.

-a nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So if a nanny thinks a certain preschool is better than the one the parents like, the charges should go to the one that the nanny likes, right? after all, it is all in the best interest of the child. the parents should be thankful to have such a insightful nanny.

you guys are all nuts.

-a nanny

I think we're saying that the parents should appreciate the experience, dedication, and judgement of their nanny and hear out her concerns/ideas/reasons and make an informed decision - not blow her off because they're too lazy to actually research the preschools (or potential food allergies, as the case may be).

[Anonymous]

Yeah I agree that the nanny was correct this time but she also took away his diary and didnt fill you in until after she knew her assumptions were correct. But I fail to see how she lied or 'disobeyed your orders' .. Did you order her not to take away diary/milk? IF so then please tell us because that would be a big piece you left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So if a nanny thinks a certain preschool is better than the one the parents like, the charges should go to the one that the nanny likes, right? after all, it is all in the best interest of the child. the parents should be thankful to have such a insightful nanny.

you guys are all nuts.

-a nanny

I think we're saying that the parents should appreciate the experience, dedication, and judgement of their nanny and hear out her concerns/ideas/reasons and make an informed decision - not blow her off because they're too lazy to actually research the preschools (or potential food allergies, as the case may be).

The mother wasn't to 'lazy' -- she went an got a PROFESSIONAL opinion/diagnoses.. And frankly, it doesn't take a degree to be a nanny and nannies have just as much 'experience and judgement' as any Tom, Dick or Harry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, as an employer of a few different nannies over the last 7 years.

First, if your nanny eliminated diary after telling you numerous times, and you telling her not to eliminate it, she did this with your child's best interests at heart. Isn't that the kind of nanny you want?

Second, you talk about "trust" like trust is about your nanny following your every command and never showing any sign of judgment on her own. Like this is how trust is earned. You are severely misguided on this. Trust is earned by your nanny putting your child first and foremost. I trust my nanny with my children not b/c she blindly follows my advice at all times, but b/c she has always shown herself to put my kids first. Period. That isn't to say she doesn't do what I ask, but quite frankly, I don't micromanage what she feeds them, etc.

If you want a happy nanny-employer relationship, which is crucial to your child's happiness and wellbeing, you need to let go and TRUST your nanny's judgment, not just that she follows your commands.

A nanny isn't a housekeeper - who you want to clean your house is a certain manner. And if you treat her as such, and expect as such, you are shortchanging your child.

This is obviously a nanny.

Here is what a real employers think. Giving nanny room to work is important for her job satisfaction but clear communication trumps that. If your nanny willfully kept something from you, it is a big red flag.

Wow your logic is so bad it hurts. She's the mother and if she wants her nanny to do something that pertains to HER child, the nanny should do it (for the most part.) Parents hire nannies to watch their children, feed their tummies, make sure they don't sneak out and roam the neighborhood. The fact that this nanny took away milk and didn't even fill the mom in (until after) is not good judgement. Yeah, the outcome was good but next time it might not be. Just because the nanny (who isn't a doctor, btw) believes her own assumptions are correct, doesn't mean she can go an put it into action.

That aside.. OP -- I do understand how you feel but I also think you feel like you might have failed your child because you weren't able to spot what was wrong with him. You thought it was teething and you were wrong. I also think that because your nanny is with your child alot of his waking hours, and she was right, that she somewhat 'beat you to the punch --

[Anonymous]

OP. I can see both sides. I believe while nannies are there to help and protect the child, and have their best interest they are certain boundaries they do not cross. THis means nannies shouLd respect parent's wishes unless some sort of danger persist. I think it is a losing battle for the nanny in anyway you look at it. She DOES care for your child or else she would not have taken measures to help her. BUT she did not wait for you to give her the OK to do so. So she should not have taken measures into her own hands. Like stat before there are boundaries nannies should not cross. I also think YOU are being dramatic. At the end of the day, you did not follow your motherly instincts and I think you feel hurt you were wrong or you are the reason your child prolonged being sick. Please get over your self, this is about the child. Give the nanny a warning and let her know she is not under any circumstance allowed to dictate like this again otherwise it will not be a good fit. While some parents would be thrilled their nanny saved their daughters life and knew what could be wrong, this is not the case. She should probably find a family that lets her run the household because this type of fit only backfired when she meant well, it tricky because she should have listen.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that the OP is being dramatic at all. I also don't think that this has anything to do with whether the nanny was right or wrong. The OP is right not to trust her nanny. This was a big line to cross and the nanny just isn't honest. You can't have a nanny who will do her own thing and lie about it.

The other problem here is that this is a nanny who has the attitude this is what I did with my kid and its what I'm going to do even if you object. This will be more problematic down the road because for toddlers and preschoolers consistency is pretty important. Many of these decisions don't have a right or wrong answer but its problematic for kids if the nanny has one set of rules and the parents have another.

[Anonymous]

One curiosity question, when the nanny removed dairy from the infant's diet on her own, what did she replace it with? When a pediatrician recommends this, they usually give advice on how to replace the calories, protein and fat from dairy since its such a substantial portion of the child's diet. Did the nanny go out and buy rice or soy milk and then hide it? Or did she decide to replace it with water (no fat, calories, or protein) or juice (high sugar, no protein, no fat)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One curiosity question, when the nanny removed dairy from the infant's diet on her own, what did she replace it with? When a pediatrician recommends this, they usually give advice on how to replace the calories, protein and fat from dairy since its such a substantial portion of the child's diet. Did the nanny go out and buy rice or soy milk and then hide it? Or did she decide to replace it with water (no fat, calories, or protein) or juice (high sugar, no protein, no fat)?

Op already stated the nanny replaced the milk with formula. Which the child was already on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, as an employer of a few different nannies over the last 7 years.

First, if your nanny eliminated diary after telling you numerous times, and you telling her not to eliminate it, she did this with your child's best interests at heart. Isn't that the kind of nanny you want?

Second, you talk about "trust" like trust is about your nanny following your every command and never showing any sign of judgment on her own. Like this is how trust is earned. You are severely misguided on this. Trust is earned by your nanny putting your child first and foremost. I trust my nanny with my children not b/c she blindly follows my advice at all times, but b/c she has always shown herself to put my kids first. Period. That isn't to say she doesn't do what I ask, but quite frankly, I don't micromanage what she feeds them, etc.

If you want a happy nanny-employer relationship, which is crucial to your child's happiness and wellbeing, you need to let go and TRUST your nanny's judgment, not just that she follows your commands.

A nanny isn't a housekeeper - who you want to clean your house is a certain manner. And if you treat her as such, and expect as such, you are shortchanging your child.

+1

You should tell her (after apologizing for not taking her concern seriously and making your child suffer needlessly!) that you will be more responsive, but she needs to be honest about everything.

Really she sounds like a good nanny who made a difficult choice to put the child ahead of you, but I can also understand your concern. I think your attitude re: trust and your nanny's judgment doomed this to fail. You may be happier with daycare- they care less, and since they would send the child home every time he had those symptoms you would have taken it seriously sooner!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think if you want to have an open and trusting relationship with your nanny, honestly, both of you screwed up and should try to start fresh. That may mean both of you moving on to a different employer/nanny, or it may mean that you both let this one go and discuss how to best prevent it from happening again. She made an effort to communicate openly with you when she voiced concerns about a milk allergy (multiple times?) and you shut down that communication by not taking her concerns seriously and looking into it (checking with his doctor?). She also screwed up by taking matters into her own hands and not getting your go ahead on eliminating the dairy from his diet, also shutting down effective communication. The nanny was wrong to go behind your back. However if you would like to keep her (she sounds knowledgeable experienced and confident in her judgement), and salvage the trust and communication, you BOTH need to acknowledge you failed at communicating and will work on it in the future.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel that you were in the wrong in this situation. The nanny came to you with her concerns and you brushed them off. Your nanny brought her concerns to you, then she probably withheld milk for a few days to prove to you she was right since you wouldn't listen. Withholding milk for a few days and replacing it with formula was no risk to your baby. The doctor would have told you to do the same thing to try and find out the problem.

I have a lactose allergy, and the stomach pains are UNBEARABLE. I'm sure your baby was screaming in pain shortly after your nanny gave him milk which reassured her it was the milk causing the problem. Any idiot could put two and two together. I didn't rush to the doctor when I started experiencing a lactose allergy. I cut out dairy, then tried it again the following week. When I experienced symptoms an hour after consuming dairy I assumed it was that causing the problem. At my next physical (7 months later) I brought it up to the doctor who confirmed (based on what I told him) that it was a lactose allergy. He didn't run any tests to make sure, he like any person put two and two together.

It scares me how stupid other mothers are, makes the rest of us look bad.