My nanny has lost my trust, very complicated.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to let her to go. A nanny deciding to eliminate a major food source on her own and against the instructions of the parents is not a safe nanny. You can't trust her. Your peditrician may ask to try reintroducing other sources at dairy down the road to determine whether your child has an allergy or intolerance. Sometimes kids develop a virus and sensitivities toward dairy aggravate the problem at the time but the child gets rid of the virus later grows out of it and can resume eating dairy. You can't do this with a nanny who does her own things and hides it from you.

For the crazy nanny on the board who thinks you should humble yourself to this crappy nanny, this is just a person who has an issue being a nanny. Some nannies are very self consicious that being a nanny is so low on the social pecking order, a menial dead end job or whatever. They look in the mirror and see a loser who has little power over anything. They are a loser but not because they are nanny. they are simply losers on their own. Professional nannies respect their profession and understand that honesty with their employers is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to let her to go. A nanny deciding to eliminate a major food source on her own and against the instructions of the parents is not a safe nanny. You can't trust her. Your peditrician may ask to try reintroducing other sources at dairy down the road to determine whether your child has an allergy or intolerance. Sometimes kids develop a virus and sensitivities toward dairy aggravate the problem at the time but the child gets rid of the virus later grows out of it and can resume eating dairy. You can't do this with a nanny who does her own things and hides it from you.

For the crazy nanny on the board who thinks you should humble yourself to this crappy nanny, this is just a person who has an issue being a nanny. Some nannies are very self consicious that being a nanny is so low on the social pecking order, a menial dead end job or whatever. They look in the mirror and see a loser who has little power over anything. They are a loser but not because they are nanny. they are simply losers on their own. Professional nannies respect their profession and understand that honesty with their employers is important.

Do you think we don't know yout the anti-nanny troll who posts numerous times on each thread? Cause we do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact is, her nanny had a hunch. She's not a doctor and she didn't know 100% that it was in fact milk that was making the child sick. None of what you are saying applies here because she didn't know for a fact that it was a milk allergy.

To do this on a hunch without telling MB was wrong.

If you give your child something, an hour later they're sick, and the next day you don't feed it and they aren't sick... you would continue to experiment, would tentatively conclude that it was an allergy or intolerance, and would make an appointment with your doctor. Nanny did discuss it with them and she said, from that same experience of feeding and not feeding and sick and not sick, "I think this is a milk allergy" and the parents believed it was TEETHING? Teething comes with a cold, sometimes a fever, plenty of drool, more or less sleep, it does NOT come with vomiting and diarrhea. That's lazy parenting and I salute the nanny for making a decision that would prevent the child from suffering needlessly.

OP I've changed my mind. Fire your nanny so she can find a family who listens to her concerns and values her experience and expertise.

Where did this "hour later they're sick" come from? OP did not say "every time I give milk, an hour later he's sick."
If it was this easy to diagnose a milk allergy, who needs doctors, just get the nannies to do the doctor's job. They know best. To question them at all is a sin.

Oh for the love of...

Some of you people here are seriously dumb. It's an example, not a stated fact regarding this specific incident. What it means is that if you are a parent and your child gets sick soon after eating something, you HOPEFULLY can put two and two together and will experiment to see what affects it - presumably the nanny also did this, withholding dairy and seeing if he still got sick, etc. because THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DO.

If, as OP stated, the nanny raised her concerns numerous times, then I am still on the nanny's side here - she did what was right for the child when the parents couldn't be bothered to explore the issue their EXPERIENCED nanny believed was causing his stomach illness. Her choices were

a) disobey her MB and make a change to his diet
b) follow MB's rules and make the child sick
c) quit

It just doesn't seem fair to the nanny to be stuck in that conundrum, with an MB who ignores multiple conversations about milk being a trigger/cause.

My intent was not to ignore my nannies suggestions, I assure you. My intent was for ME to make these decisions for my son. If I had found out she was disobeying me and my son was not lactose-intolerant I would have already fired her. The fact that she was right puts me in a tough spot because she did do what's best, but at the expense of my trust.

Jeez, just fire her already and stay home with your child. While you state that you want to make decisions for your child, you weren't taking ADVICE that someone who cares for your son had (and someone who has knowledge of children being lactose intolerant). Her giving advice was not making any decisions for you, but you were not truly listening to them or doing anything about it. Hence the reason why your nanny decided that she needed to do something, for the health of your son. Maybe instead of having your nanny say something to you repeatedly, you listen and then try and figure out if she could be right about it RIGHT THEN (as in the first time she mentions it). I would rather rule something out right away then have my son continue to be sick while I was thinking it was teething (really?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to let her to go. A nanny deciding to eliminate a major food source on her own and against the instructions of the parents is not a safe nanny. You can't trust her. Your peditrician may ask to try reintroducing other sources at dairy down the road to determine whether your child has an allergy or intolerance. Sometimes kids develop a virus and sensitivities toward dairy aggravate the problem at the time but the child gets rid of the virus later grows out of it and can resume eating dairy. You can't do this with a nanny who does her own things and hides it from you.

For the crazy nanny on the board who thinks you should humble yourself to this crappy nanny, this is just a person who has an issue being a nanny. Some nannies are very self consicious that being a nanny is so low on the social pecking order, a menial dead end job or whatever. They look in the mirror and see a loser who has little power over anything. They are a loser but not because they are nanny. they are simply losers on their own. Professional nannies respect their profession and understand that honesty with their employers is important.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Jeez, just fire her already and stay home with your child. While you state that you want to make decisions for your child, you weren't taking ADVICE that someone who cares for your son had (and someone who has knowledge of children being lactose intolerant). Her giving advice was not making any decisions for you, but you were not truly listening to them or doing anything about it. Hence the reason why your nanny decided that she needed to do something, for the health of your son. Maybe instead of having your nanny say something to you repeatedly, you listen and then try and figure out if she could be right about it RIGHT THEN (as in the first time she mentions it). I would rather rule something out right away then have my son continue to be sick while I was thinking it was teething (really?).

So OP hired a bad nanny and now the best thing to do is watch him yourself? Please. This poster's got other problems.

Not all advice is good advice. It's the MOM's job to figure out what is bad advice and what is good. If nanny gave good advice but mom's not taking it, that's the mom's call. If nanny doesn't like it, she can go out and have a baby and do whatever she wants with her baby.

[Anonymous]

Wow you moms don't have a clue from what I have read you should be kissing her butt and giving her a pay raise. I am a nanny and a mom and I would be ever greatful if my nanny knew something was wrong and used her obvious experience to solve the problem especially if it was making my child ill. Also you as a parent failed your child by not taking them to the doctor immediatly. I would call this an epic fail on your part and give her a raise!

[Anonymous]

Also you moms have to realize that we have usually raised MANY more children than you have an have a LOT more experience. I often wonder why people don't take the advice they are giving and also did eliminating dairy harm your child in any way? No.. And honestly all the other reasons I have seen here are stupid and other nannies would tell you off as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also you moms have to realize that we have usually raised MANY more children than you have an have a LOT more experience. I often wonder why people don't take the advice they are giving and also did eliminating dairy harm your child in any way? No.. And honestly all the other reasons I have seen here are stupid and other nannies would tell you off as well.

What if the nanny is wrong?

My nanny told me I can't give milk when DS has a fever. That's a common old wives tale. She also says if he goes out in the cold, he could catch a cold. Not sure if she's heard of viruses.

My child, my rules. If a nanny can't follow, she needs to go.

[Anonymous]

pp here.

What you nannies are saying you can do-- identify signs of milk allergy and withhold a child from dairy --is something that not even parents should do without consulting a pediatrician. Pediatrians go through MED SCHOOL for this. You nannies thinking you are pediatricians are nuts and stupid, frankly. You talk on this board about giving medications like tylenol and when you can do it. You need parental consent to even give Tylenol to your charges. To say you are right in eliminating dairy because you know better than the mom is so far off base and completely indefensible. EVEN PEDIATRICIANS CAN BE WRONG AND THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE WHAT YOU CALL MALPRACTICE LAWSUITS. Nannies are not in the business of diagnosing allergies. Period.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, as an employer of a few different nannies over the last 7 years.

First, if your nanny eliminated diary after telling you numerous times, and you telling her not to eliminate it, she did this with your child's best interests at heart. Isn't that the kind of nanny you want?

Second, you talk about "trust" like trust is about your nanny following your every command and never showing any sign of judgment on her own. Like this is how trust is earned. You are severely misguided on this. Trust is earned by your nanny putting your child first and foremost. I trust my nanny with my children not b/c she blindly follows my advice at all times, but b/c she has always shown herself to put my kids first. Period. That isn't to say she doesn't do what I ask, but quite frankly, I don't micromanage what she feeds them, etc.

If you want a happy nanny-employer relationship, which is crucial to your child's happiness and wellbeing, you need to let go and TRUST your nanny's judgment, not just that she follows your commands.

A nanny isn't a housekeeper - who you want to clean your house is a certain manner. And if you treat her as such, and expect as such, you are shortchanging your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pp here.

What you nannies are saying you can do-- identify signs of milk allergy and withhold a child from dairy --is something that not even parents should do without consulting a pediatrician. Pediatrians go through MED SCHOOL for this. You nannies thinking you are pediatricians are nuts and stupid, frankly. You talk on this board about giving medications like tylenol and when you can do it. You need parental consent to even give Tylenol to your charges. To say you are right in eliminating dairy because you know better than the mom is so far off base and completely indefensible. EVEN PEDIATRICIANS CAN BE WRONG AND THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE WHAT YOU CALL MALPRACTICE LAWSUITS. Nannies are not in the business of diagnosing allergies. Period.

You are an idiot. It is actually really easy to identify a milk allergy. There is almost always spots of blood in a baby's stools.

Oh and they have malpractice lawsuits b/c there are asshats like you who think that medicine is cut and dry, instead of full of different possibilities all that can lead to different outcomes. God you are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Nanny wouldn't have to even think of making the choice to not give dairy when the child is with her, if the parents actually took the advice and went to a doctor about it right away.

No one says that parents need to take advice and do it about anything else the nanny suggests, but when it is your child's health that is at risk, then just take the child to his/her doctor and let them know and figure it out from there! Why is it so hard to do that? Do it right away instead of waiting who knows how long it actually was (enough time for nanny to bring up the topic multiple times to OP).

[Anonymous]

Sometimes (or most/all of the time, depending on the parents), the nanny knows best. She could have years more experience with babies and children than the parents.

I'd love a nanny with insight I might not have yet, and would keep communication open with her so it's more of a team effort than a mom vs. nanny showdown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pp here.

What you nannies are saying you can do-- identify signs of milk allergy and withhold a child from dairy --is something that not even parents should do without consulting a pediatrician. Pediatrians go through MED SCHOOL for this. You nannies thinking you are pediatricians are nuts and stupid, frankly. You talk on this board about giving medications like tylenol and when you can do it. You need parental consent to even give Tylenol to your charges. To say you are right in eliminating dairy because you know better than the mom is so far off base and completely indefensible. EVEN PEDIATRICIANS CAN BE WRONG AND THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE WHAT YOU CALL MALPRACTICE LAWSUITS. Nannies are not in the business of diagnosing allergies. Period.

You are an idiot. It is actually really easy to identify a milk allergy. There is almost always spots of blood in a baby's stools.

Oh and they have malpractice lawsuits b/c there are asshats like you who think that medicine is cut and dry, instead of full of different possibilities all that can lead to different outcomes. God you are stupid.

My baby with a lactose intolerance did not have blood in stools. You sound like you think everything is cut and dry more than the original poster. Speak for yourself. We also had to try several different brands of hypoallergenic formula before we found the right one. I am not sure how just cutting out milk is doing the child a service assuming the nanny didn't go out and tried different brands herself. That would require parental cooperation . Do you have any experience with milk allergy at all when you posted this? I guess it can be simple to diagnose sometimes but it is not always the case and that is why we need doctors.

[Anonymous]

At age one, toddlers are on cows milk. The first thing to do should havebeen to replace with lactaid milk, not take away milk. Then you wait at least four days before concluding if it is working because sometimes it can take days to exhibit symptoms.