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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think your problem is that you got the wrong au pair. Rematch with someone who likes skying and this problem will be resolved.
I understand both sides of the issue. She is not interested in Skying and doesn't want to be stuck the whole weekend and you have an AP because you need help and sometimes when you are traveling.
Again the problem is she lied she likes skying. Get an AP who likes skying and she might come with you twice a month but don't expect her to come every weekend either. If you don't want to rematch, reduce your expectation to once/month and communicate to her and ask her to choose a weekend for the upcoming months.

This. You AP pulled a bait and switch. She said she liked the idea of a second house, skiing, and spending time with family. It turned out none of these things are true and you're upset because you expected a similar experience and bonding as previous APs.

Just rematch. You will find a lovely, European AP who LOOOVES to ski and would be happy coming every weekend in the winter. Basically, your current AP misrepresented herself and does not fit in your lifestyle. In other work related aspects, she's poor to mediocre anyway, so there is nothing to convince you NOT to rematch other than the inconvenience of the process itself.

[Anonymous]

The comment about your AP carefully avoiding dishes she thinks might belong to you or your spouse totally brought back memories for me of an awful AP we had. A previous poster hit the nail on the head - it's just super petty to do this. As an adult, you should be capable of either setting someone else's mug in a dishwasher OR having a direct conversation to tell the offending mug-user. But I absolutely can't tolerate the type of person who lives by the mantra of "I will do nothing but the bare minimum, ever". That's not having a backbone, that's being a jerk. It's not how we live in societies or groups - we actually DO extend ourselves a bit and help out a bit here and there to make one another's lives easier.

Given what you say about your AP, I'd be very inclined toward a serious reset conversation and if no improvement pretty quickly, a rematch. Life is too short to be living with someone you don't enjoy having in your home, and it sounds like you're not enjoying this. YOU set her schedule, and if she fails to understand that, she's not clear on the program as a whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely time off. Asking an au pair to do 2 hours of “work” over 2 weeks is not the same as asking her to work every day for 45 hours a week. BS.

You don’t get it. Ask you LCC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The comment about your AP carefully avoiding dishes she thinks might belong to you or your spouse totally brought back memories for me of an awful AP we had. A previous poster hit the nail on the head - it's just super petty to do this. As an adult, you should be capable of either setting someone else's mug in a dishwasher OR having a direct conversation to tell the offending mug-user. But I absolutely can't tolerate the type of person who lives by the mantra of "I will do nothing but the bare minimum, ever". That's not having a backbone, that's being a jerk. It's not how we live in societies or groups - we actually DO extend ourselves a bit and help out a bit here and there to make one another's lives easier.

Given what you say about your AP, I'd be very inclined toward a serious reset conversation and if no improvement pretty quickly, a rematch. Life is too short to be living with someone you don't enjoy having in your home, and it sounds like you're not enjoying this. YOU set her schedule, and if she fails to understand that, she's not clear on the program as a whole.

But why can’t you put your own mug away???????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely time off. Asking an au pair to do 2 hours of “work” over 2 weeks is not the same as asking her to work every day for 45 hours a week. BS.

You don’t get it. Ask you LCC.

Op - that wasn’t me. I could’ve scheduled her to do the work on one specific time frame and then the rest would absolutely be vacation, but I decided to let her be the adult and choose when she wanted to do it on her own. I already said I wasn’t counting it as vacation time, even though SHE GOT 2 EXTRA WEEKS OFF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The comment about your AP carefully avoiding dishes she thinks might belong to you or your spouse totally brought back memories for me of an awful AP we had. A previous poster hit the nail on the head - it's just super petty to do this. As an adult, you should be capable of either setting someone else's mug in a dishwasher OR having a direct conversation to tell the offending mug-user. But I absolutely can't tolerate the type of person who lives by the mantra of "I will do nothing but the bare minimum, ever". That's not having a backbone, that's being a jerk. It's not how we live in societies or groups - we actually DO extend ourselves a bit and help out a bit here and there to make one another's lives easier.

Given what you say about your AP, I'd be very inclined toward a serious reset conversation and if no improvement pretty quickly, a rematch. Life is too short to be living with someone you don't enjoy having in your home, and it sounds like you're not enjoying this. YOU set her schedule, and if she fails to understand that, she's not clear on the program as a whole.

But why can’t you put your own mug away???????

I can - but sometimes I’m in a hurry rushing kids out the door and it goes into the sink with other dishes. I clean up after here a lot.

[Anonymous]

It sound like your previous APs appreciated some of these perks re; the weekend home and the current one finds them a burden. Truthfully, that doesn't surprise me because she is working until 8:30 PM (and I doubt most APs are working that late on a regular basis) and giving up weekends leaves her with little time to socialize when her peers are free. This is really important even if you are only asking her to work 20-25 hours.

However, you obviously had more of a give and take relationship in the past (i.e. 2 weeks extra free time should mean the AP will reciprocate somehow), and this AP is disappointing because she doesn't seem to appreciate that. I would offer her a rematch (which I personally hate) and see what her response is.

[Anonymous]

You didn't give her extra time off. You traveled and she didn't come.

She probably has never tried skiing and thought she might like it. Most people don't ski as its expensive and takes coordination. She tried it, didn't like it and you are upset she has different interests.

If you want her to come the weekend, that's fine. But, those hours should be counted in the work week, including travel time given its not her choice to go and she's working and its not a vacation for her given she is watching your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't give her extra time off. You traveled and she didn't come.

She probably has never tried skiing and thought she might like it. Most people don't ski as its expensive and takes coordination. She tried it, didn't like it and you are upset she has different interests.

If you want her to come the weekend, that's fine. But, those hours should be counted in the work week, including travel time given its not her choice to go and she's working and its not a vacation for her given she is watching your kids.

We wanted her to come and she preferred to stay and invited her family to stay - in our house, for a week, for free.

She’s from an umc European family and told us she had gone skiing “frequently”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't give her extra time off. You traveled and she didn't come.

She probably has never tried skiing and thought she might like it. Most people don't ski as its expensive and takes coordination. She tried it, didn't like it and you are upset she has different interests.

If you want her to come the weekend, that's fine. But, those hours should be counted in the work week, including travel time given its not her choice to go and she's working and its not a vacation for her given she is watching your kids.

NP. She lied plain and simple. She misrepresented herself. This is not working and OP has every right to rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't give her extra time off. You traveled and she didn't come.

She probably has never tried skiing and thought she might like it. Most people don't ski as its expensive and takes coordination. She tried it, didn't like it and you are upset she has different interests.

If you want her to come the weekend, that's fine. But, those hours should be counted in the work week, including travel time given its not her choice to go and she's working and its not a vacation for her given she is watching your kids.

We wanted her to come and she preferred to stay and invited her family to stay - in our house, for a week, for free.

She’s from an umc European family and told us she had gone skiing “frequently”.

You keep talking about what you want and your needs only....

She may have bene forced skiing but may not have enjoyed it.

You could have said no to her family coming.

[Anonymous]

It seems like she really didn’t understand skiing was a job requirement. I have been skiing frequently and like it fine but I wouldn’t want to do it with my boss.

If you need to rematch, I don’t know, but I see light between “bait and switch” and “miscommunication” still here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sound like your previous APs appreciated some of these perks re; the weekend home and the current one finds them a burden. Truthfully, that doesn't surprise me because she is working until 8:30 PM (and I doubt most APs are working that late on a regular basis) and giving up weekends leaves her with little time to socialize when her peers are free. This is really important even if you are only asking her to work 20-25 hours.

However, you obviously had more of a give and take relationship in the past (i.e. 2 weeks extra free time should mean the AP will reciprocate somehow), and this AP is disappointing because she doesn't seem to appreciate that. I would offer her a rematch (which I personally hate) and see what her response is.

If Aupair gets the kids off to school a few days a week and is with them M-F when they get home from school till bedtime and AP gets them ready for bed, how much are they seeing the parents? Parents want every evening and weekend care. That's tuff on the AP and kids.

[Anonymous]

It was Christmas. We invited her to join us and she said she didn’t want to, and then it came out that her family wanted to visit. Which is fine, but I’m not the horrible witch you’re trying to make me out to be. We invited her to spend the Holidays with us, which is in keeping with the spirit of the program. Yes, I could’ve said no to her family but again, I’m actually a nice person. Nothing to do with what “we want” except that we “wanted” to make her feel welcome and to celebrate the holidays with her. You’re deliberately twisting my words in the worst way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sound like your previous APs appreciated some of these perks re; the weekend home and the current one finds them a burden. Truthfully, that doesn't surprise me because she is working until 8:30 PM (and I doubt most APs are working that late on a regular basis) and giving up weekends leaves her with little time to socialize when her peers are free. This is really important even if you are only asking her to work 20-25 hours.

However, you obviously had more of a give and take relationship in the past (i.e. 2 weeks extra free time should mean the AP will reciprocate somehow), and this AP is disappointing because she doesn't seem to appreciate that. I would offer her a rematch (which I personally hate) and see what her response is.

If Aupair gets the kids off to school a few days a week and is with them M-F when they get home from school till bedtime and AP gets them ready for bed, how much are they seeing the parents? Parents want every evening and weekend care. That's tuff on the AP and kids.

Ap takes one kid to school 1-2 times max (and often never) per week. I pick up 1-2 kids every day and am with them while she’s with other(s). I have 3 kids with different activities and busy schedules. I spend a lot more time with my kids than most working parents I know.