How do I tell the family I don’t want to work over 42.5 hours per week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have the types of jobs where they regularly have to stay late, then they may need a nanny who can accommodate that schedule. It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for this particular job. Nothing wrong with that. The right nanny for them and the right job for you are out there somewhere.

They work from home and the mom sleeps until 11/12 so she doesn’t start her work until it’s really late . The baby is 6 months so she’s always sleep deprived. But I know if she woke up earlier she wouldn’t ask me to stay. And the father travels a lot so she asks me to stay late when he’s gone. She’s not with her kids all day so she doesn’t really need me to stay anywat.

I would sleep late, too! That's why she has a nanny. If you don't want to stay late, say so, but stop acting like they're awful people for wanting a nanny who can.

They’re not awful people, all I’m saying is they can’t expect me to stay late when I’m always on time and never ask to leave early.

But t they can because you haven’t said you mind. You don’t have a contract to point to mutually agreed hours. I never ask to come in late or leave early, but my employers constantly ask me for extra hours. I do have a contract, I’m amenable to the request, and I have no problem telling them when it would create a problem for me. No excuses, just let them know you need to sit down and talk, and hammer out the schedule they actually need. If the baby is only 6 months, you haven’t been there long, and they might need to just find someone else:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I think I’ll never want to stay late. 1. I’m always on time and have never asked to come in later or leave early. 2. I’ve never asked for a day off. I always make my appointments for Saturday’s because I know I have to work from 8:30-5. So for me, asking me to stay late is just a no. I feel like can’t say no though

I have a bunch of stuff that I plan around work, so when it’s time to go, I need to go. So, I understand your position.

I know it’s hard for some to say no (myself included!), but you have to start. Just make a sympathetic face and tell them sorry, but you actually have plans later and can’t stay today. Another thing I did with my employers was tell them I got an evening job. That has helped a bit with the lateness, and even prompted a small raise!

Won’t his make them think that it’s too much for me to handle ? I was thinking of saying I had an evening job bc I have a lot of loans to pay for school. But won’t this make them think that I might have no energy or be too tired to work so much? Also I feel like this might make them think I have less commitment to their job. If they can give me hours after I work they might also think that I shouldn’t have gotten a second job if they can give me hours? I was also planning on saying that I have a weekend job so I can’t stay late during the week bc of errands etc

But the real reason is that you just want to leave on time.

When you give people excuses, they take that as an invitation to solve the problem. You're going to be even more irritated after this conversation, is my prediction.

What do you mean I’ll be more irritated after this convo?

Because you want to give excuses, they will probably try to “solve” the problems you state. Since the excuses are made up, there is no problem to solve and it’ll frustrate everyone when you can’t explain why their solutions won’t work.

Why is telling the truth so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you want to give excuses, they will probably try to “solve” the problems you state. Since the excuses are made up, there is no problem to solve and it’ll frustrate everyone when you can’t explain why their solutions won’t work.

Why is telling the truth so hard?

Well, I would think the parents might form a bad opinion of her if she says the equivalent of “I just don’t want to.” Op, if excuses are going to cause more complications for you, just do the other thing I said and tell them you have plans that evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have the types of jobs where they regularly have to stay late, then they may need a nanny who can accommodate that schedule. It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for this particular job. Nothing wrong with that. The right nanny for them and the right job for you are out there somewhere.

They work from home and the mom sleeps until 11/12 so she doesn’t start her work until it’s really late . The baby is 6 months so she’s always sleep deprived. But I know if she woke up earlier she wouldn’t ask me to stay. And the father travels a lot so she asks me to stay late when he’s gone. She’s not with her kids all day so she doesn’t really need me to stay anywat.

I would sleep late, too! That's why she has a nanny. If you don't want to stay late, say so, but stop acting like they're awful people for wanting a nanny who can.

They’re not awful people, all I’m saying is they can’t expect me to stay late when I’m always on time and never ask to leave early.

If you have no contract, how are they asking you to "stay late"? They're asking you to stay until a particular time each day, but it's not late because you don't have a contract that states your work hours. How do you not understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have the types of jobs where they regularly have to stay late, then they may need a nanny who can accommodate that schedule. It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for this particular job. Nothing wrong with that. The right nanny for them and the right job for you are out there somewhere.

They work from home and the mom sleeps until 11/12 so she doesn’t start her work until it’s really late . The baby is 6 months so she’s always sleep deprived. But I know if she woke up earlier she wouldn’t ask me to stay. And the father travels a lot so she asks me to stay late when he’s gone. She’s not with her kids all day so she doesn’t really need me to stay anywat.

I would sleep late, too! That's why she has a nanny. If you don't want to stay late, say so, but stop acting like they're awful people for wanting a nanny who can.

They’re not awful people, all I’m saying is they can’t expect me to stay late when I’m always on time and never ask to leave early.

If you have no contract, how are they asking you to "stay late"? They're asking you to stay until a particular time each day, but it's not late because you don't have a contract that states your work hours. How do you not understand that?

They said the schedule would be 8:30-5 pm. Anything after that is considered staying after. How do you not understand THAT? I know many people who work without contracts and they have a set time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have the types of jobs where they regularly have to stay late, then they may need a nanny who can accommodate that schedule. It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for this particular job. Nothing wrong with that. The right nanny for them and the right job for you are out there somewhere.

They work from home and the mom sleeps until 11/12 so she doesn’t start her work until it’s really late . The baby is 6 months so she’s always sleep deprived. But I know if she woke up earlier she wouldn’t ask me to stay. And the father travels a lot so she asks me to stay late when he’s gone. She’s not with her kids all day so she doesn’t really need me to stay anywat.

I would sleep late, too! That's why she has a nanny. If you don't want to stay late, say so, but stop acting like they're awful people for wanting a nanny who can.

They’re not awful people, all I’m saying is they can’t expect me to stay late when I’m always on time and never ask to leave early.

If you have no contract, how are they asking you to "stay late"? They're asking you to stay until a particular time each day, but it's not late because you don't have a contract that states your work hours. How do you not understand that?

Just stop taking advantage of people. You sound selfish and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have the types of jobs where they regularly have to stay late, then they may need a nanny who can accommodate that schedule. It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for this particular job. Nothing wrong with that. The right nanny for them and the right job for you are out there somewhere.

They work from home and the mom sleeps until 11/12 so she doesn’t start her work until it’s really late . The baby is 6 months so she’s always sleep deprived. But I know if she woke up earlier she wouldn’t ask me to stay. And the father travels a lot so she asks me to stay late when he’s gone. She’s not with her kids all day so she doesn’t really need me to stay anywat.

I would sleep late, too! That's why she has a nanny. If you don't want to stay late, say so, but stop acting like they're awful people for wanting a nanny who can.

They’re not awful people, all I’m saying is they can’t expect me to stay late when I’m always on time and never ask to leave early.

If you have no contract, how are they asking you to "stay late"? They're asking you to stay until a particular time each day, but it's not late because you don't have a contract that states your work hours. How do you not understand that?

Just stop taking advantage of people. You sound selfish and stupid.

And I doubt you’d be saying that if it wasn’t Anonymous. I’m not taking advantage of anyone. Clearly you don’t understand the situation so you’re the stupid one here for thinking I’m “taking advantage” and being stupid. So please go find someone else to insult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They said the schedule would be 8:30-5 pm. Anything after that is considered staying after. How do you not understand THAT? I know many people who work without contracts and they have a set time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They said the schedule would be 8:30-5 pm. Anything after that is considered staying after. How do you not understand THAT? I know many people who work without contracts and they have a set time.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

I also work from home, but sometimes I need to work late. That means I can’t be in charge of the kids. When I am working, I might as well be 100 miles away.


If the parents are starting work late and then expecting you to say late to simply to cover their needed hours or work, then I would ask them to change that behavior. If the late working is just because things happened or tasks took longer than expected, then they don’t necessarily have control over that. I frequently have deadlines and things take longer than planned. That means working late is required.

[Anonymous]

To answer your original question, you tell them that you make plans based on leaving at 5pm each day, and that you need them to relieve you at that time. When they then say that they need more flexibility, you say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not able to accommodate that."

Then you wait and see what happens. There's no magic way to get them to change their behavior and for you to be 100% certain that it won't annoy or anger them when you ask them to change. If you don't want to stay after 5 anymore, you have to say so and hope they are understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My legal status and pay are irrelevant to this post... I am an American citizen though and they never suggested a contract. The whole point of my post was that I just didn’t want to work late. And jeez being a lousy member of society? Oh Crime me a river please, and tell me again how horrible I am. I’m such a terrible person just because I don’t have taxes withheld

I have zero sympathy for you if you don't pay taxes. NONE. I work for government agency that finds people like you, so enjoy it while it lasts. You are being a lousy member of society because you aren't contributing anything to the society from which you are taking. How do you think the roads you drive on and the public schools in your area and all the other "free" services that you enjoy are funded? They're funded by people who pay taxes. The fact that you don't pay taxes makes you a lousy member of society.

I agree. I hope OP and her employer get caught.

+ We get to pay more because you and your employer cheat. Please reconsider in your next position (or before you get caught).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I think I’ll never want to stay late. 1. I’m always on time and have never asked to come in later or leave early. 2. I’ve never asked for a day off. I always make my appointments for Saturday’s because I know I have to work from 8:30-5. So for me, asking me to stay late is just a no. I feel like can’t say no though

I have a bunch of stuff that I plan around work, so when it’s time to go, I need to go. So, I understand your position.

I know it’s hard for some to say no (myself included!), but you have to start. Just make a sympathetic face and tell them sorry, but you actually have plans later and can’t stay today. Another thing I did with my employers was tell them I got an evening job. That has helped a bit with the lateness, and even prompted a small raise!

Won’t his make them think that it’s too much for me to handle ? I was thinking of saying I had an evening job bc I have a lot of loans to pay for school. But won’t this make them think that I might have no energy or be too tired to work so much? Also I feel like this might make them think I have less commitment to their job. If they can give me hours after I work they might also think that I shouldn’t have gotten a second job if they can give me hours? I was also planning on saying that I have a weekend job so I can’t stay late during the week bc of errands etc

Well, you’re already a liar and a lousy member of society, so yeah, lie some more! Cheers to you! I hope that you regret not paying taxes when you get fired for lying. You’ll have zero chance to collect unemployment then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they have the types of jobs where they regularly have to stay late, then they may need a nanny who can accommodate that schedule. It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for this particular job. Nothing wrong with that. The right nanny for them and the right job for you are out there somewhere.

They work from home and the mom sleeps until 11/12 so she doesn’t start her work until it’s really late . The baby is 6 months so she’s always sleep deprived. But I know if she woke up earlier she wouldn’t ask me to stay. And the father travels a lot so she asks me to stay late when he’s gone. She’s not with her kids all day so she doesn’t really need me to stay anywat.

I would sleep late, too! That's why she has a nanny. If you don't want to stay late, say so, but stop acting like they're awful people for wanting a nanny who can.

They’re not awful people, all I’m saying is they can’t expect me to stay late when I’m always on time and never ask to leave early.

I’m always on time and don’t ask to leave early and my bosses absolutely can ask me to stay late. Once you become a grown up you can better navigate your employment opportunities. Until then, most of us simply don’t care and have zero interest in helping you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also work from home, but sometimes I need to work late. That means I can’t be in charge of the kids. When I am working, I might as well be 100 miles away.


If the parents are starting work late and then expecting you to say late to simply to cover their needed hours or work, then I would ask them to change that behavior. If the late working is just because things happened or tasks took longer than expected, then they don’t necessarily have control over that. I frequently have deadlines and things take longer than planned. That means working late is required.

This may sound harsh, but if things run late that’s really not her problem. The agreed upon shift was 8:30-5, and that means they kind of made a commitment to let her go at 5:30, just as she made one to start at 8:30, and to be available for all of those hours during the day.

Once in a while if things run over or if there’s an emergency, that’s fine. This isn’t that. They are regularly asking her to extend her hours past what they originally asked for.