Should I stay in the marriage or should I divorce him?

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[Post New]03/28/2017 06:48
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an asshole, there are no ifs, ands, or buts. Your lack of sex drive is no justification for his behavior. Yes, you should divorce him. Your are sacrificing self-respect and dignity in exchange for being taken care of financially.

Protect yourself and carefully plan your escape. First and foremost -- get a full-time job so you can support yourself and your DD. Do whatever else it takes to make the transition easier (e.g. rent an apartment, consult a lawyer, open your own bank account and start saving, etc.)


Actually the fact she has a low sex drive very much explains his behavior. So he's the asshole while SHE coasts on his income?


NP. Yes, sweetie. She is not a prostitute, she is his wife. She is raising their daughter. Sex is not something you buy in a relationship. It is a mutual expression of love and desire. He deserves neither. Same with you, I suspect.


Well he is definitely getting sex, just not from his wife.
So exactly what IS she doing to "deserve" him supporting her?
[Post New]03/28/2017 07:12
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

NP. Yes, sweetie. She is not a prostitute, she is his wife. She is raising their daughter. Sex is not something you buy in a relationship. It is a mutual expression of love and desire. He deserves neither. Same with you, I suspect.


Well he is definitely getting sex, just not from his wife.
So exactly what IS she doing to "deserve" him supporting her?


OP here. I am doing everything that my husband's SAHM did (100% of child-rearing and household duties) for which his own SAHM was revered, adored and respected by the entire family. BEYOND THAT I take care of the family's finances, home and yard maintenance, all official paperwork, insurances, I file the tax returns (all duties of the father in his family) AND I manage his side business (accounting, banking and all paperwork) AND I work part-time in my own profession. Do I "deserve" a share of the family earnings?
[Post New]03/28/2017 09:14
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Anonymous
You don't have a low sex drive. You dont want to have sex with someone who has not been tender with you in eight years. Saying you have a low sex drive is a justification to put blame on yourself and stay with this creep.
[Post New]03/28/2017 13:35
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Anonymous
If your child is 8, isn't she already all day in school? Before care and after care won't harm her if you're there for her the other times. If you care that much about the extra 4-5 hours a day you spend with her, then clearly a divorce is not your solution is it?
[Post New]03/28/2017 13:36
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Anonymous
Melania, is that you?
[Post New]03/28/2017 15:03
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Anonymous
Girl, divorce him....YESTERDAY.
[Post New]03/29/2017 12:32
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LoriCroit
Member Offline
I am so sorry you are having this happen in your marriage. Everyone’s marriage changes and evolves as the years pass, hopefully growing closer, firmly uniting and bonding. Sometimes it isn’t 50/50 and takes a lot more work than you ever dreamed of. It sounds as if you are struggling to keep what you have and have listed a lot of details and concerns for your relationship.

Is there any way possible that the two of you could sit down and discuss all these concerns, face to face, when your daughter is not around? One of the weekends he comes home, could you take a good portion of the day, and plan a meal, even a picnic, just the two of you, to spend time where you can talk about all these issues, all the way from not being at home much, to his “lady friends”, the time with you both spend with your daughter, yours and his feelings, and your future.. Just lay it all out there, honest and open and talk about how your love once was, through the birth of your daughter and how it is now.

It sounds like the two of you have not had any serious conversations since your daughter was born, perhaps it’s time for one now. It might be a new start, or at least a way to get things all out in person so you know where you are headed.

If he is open to sitting down and talking, that is the first step. After that, there are all kinds of counselors out there that might help bring the two of you closer together.

I will be thinking about you and praying for the very best.
[Post New]03/29/2017 12:47
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Anonymous
^Firmly disagree that this is worth with a man willing to sleep around even though it hurts his wife. Nothing to save here.
[Post New]03/30/2017 12:20
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are in a very favorable position for custody. People never get full custody, but I really think you could. There are no reasons to stay and a million to leave. Please trust me, life can be so much BETTER.


I did. Full physical and legal custody in DC.


If the other spouse travels frequently, you bet they do.

I did too.
[Post New]03/30/2017 12:24
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Anonymous
OP get a full time job, put money away and get rid of this guy. You made a mistake, that's ok we all do but you need to move on.
[Post New]03/30/2017 12:27
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are in a very favorable position for custody. People never get full custody, but I really think you could. There are no reasons to stay and a million to leave. Please trust me, life can be so much BETTER.


I did. Full physical and legal custody in DC.


OP here. I am not sure what I would get out of full custody. I just want my daughter to feel like part of a family, with a loving and caring dad.


But she doesn't have a loving and caring dad. Why would you think he would change out of the blue?


OP you need to get a full time job. It's a matter of time, this way you'll be prepared. If you don't file, he's going to at some point. I will bet he is seeing someone too.
[Post New]03/30/2017 12:34
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Honestly, now at this late stage I feel that I can hardly hold him to monogamy if I myself don't wish to sleep with him anymore. Of course, this situation could have been prevented at an earlier stage. I believe now that he started sleeping around during my pregnancy (I saw condoms that he couldn't explain).


OP it just keeps getting worse. Please don't sleep with him, no doubt he's been sleeping around. Not worth a std. It's not a woman's job to supply any man with endless sex. If that's why men get married then they should have stayed single and date. It's part of a healthy marriage which means a healthy balance. He's cheated obviously, of course you don't want to sleep with him!
[Post New]03/30/2017 12:56
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are in a very favorable position for custody. People never get full custody, but I really think you could. There are no reasons to stay and a million to leave. Please trust me, life can be so much BETTER.


I did. Full physical and legal custody in DC.


If the other spouse travels frequently, you bet they do.

I did too.


Don't count on getting full custody. It usually only happens if the other spouse doesn't fight for it. If they do it will be 50/50 unless there are huge, huge problems with that person.
[Post New]03/30/2017 12:58
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Honestly, now at this late stage I feel that I can hardly hold him to monogamy if I myself don't wish to sleep with him anymore. Of course, this situation could have been prevented at an earlier stage. I believe now that he started sleeping around during my pregnancy (I saw condoms that he couldn't explain).


OP it just keeps getting worse. Please don't sleep with him, no doubt he's been sleeping around. Not worth a std. It's not a woman's job to supply any man with endless sex. If that's why men get married then they should have stayed single and date. It's part of a healthy marriage which means a healthy balance. He's cheated obviously, of course you don't want to sleep with him!


There you have it. Don't get married, men, because women think it's not their job to have sex with you.
[Post New]03/30/2017 13:38
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP please ignore any poster that wants to explore what you did to make your husband sleep with other women and yell at you angrily that he's not getting enough sex from you, never mind he has not behaved tenderly toward you in years.

If he hit you would you listen to someone who was like, 'be honest. It's not good that he hit you, but what issues did you cause that led to this?'

Maybe it takes one to no one and I have been there, but this is more severe emotional abuse than I've heard of in a while.


Not PP, but if OP continues to ignore the other side of this ugly coin, she'd better be ready for the rude awakening during the divorce and custody hearing. All their issues will surface, and it's best to be prepared for that.
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