Anonymous wrote:OMG! Op I think you just made me realized, in additional to other reasons, why I broke up with my ex. I think he was like you (shutting down and mute ) and I was like your husband ( speaking-up ). I actually learned something about myself from reading this thread. Note to self, I'm going to pay close attention to this type of behavior when I'm dating. I prefer a man that communicates like me and doesn't shut down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! Op I think you just made me realized, in additional to other reasons, why I broke up with my ex. I think he was like you (shutting down and mute ) and I was like your husband ( speaking-up ). I actually learned something about myself from reading this thread. Note to self, I'm going to pay close attention to this type of behavior when I'm dating. I prefer a man that communicates like me and doesn't shut down.

This is a great point.

People are very different when they argue.

I have been saying this for years. Your husband's insecurities put him in a position where he can't relax until he knows that the argument is resolved, because he feels as though each argument is going to be the one that finally pushes you over the edge and you leave him. You walking away simply reinforces that.

However, you know yourself and know that when you are angry, that you can't have a rational conversation, therefore, you walk away.

You need individual counseling. He needs to work on his insecurities and fears. You need to learn how to communicate when you get angry.

Once you all can get those issues sorted out, then go to couples counseling to work on your relationship.

Although - I would argue that the only issue in your relationship is that you are opposites when it comes to fighting for your own personal reasons and there is nothing wrong with your relationship itself. If you two can go to individual counseling and work on the issues that make you fight the way you do - it would intrinsically solve your relationship issues.

I was like this. I was the chaser - because of insecurity and fear. I did counseling on my own - and as I became more confident, less insecure, our relationship really became much better. I realized that it wasn't my girlfriend's responsibility to take care of me when I was feeling insecure - it was my responsibility to not be insecure.

Anonymous wrote:Are you just walking away or are you saying, "I'm angry and I need some space."

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have kids, run don't walk.

If you do, counselling may help w communication. Plan your arguments before you have them, when you are calm. Then both of you must stick to the rules.th

Anonymous wrote:And BTW, you pushing him is assault. He doesn't have a victim syndrome. YOU actually assaulted him twice!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And BTW, you pushing him is assault. He doesn't have a victim syndrome. YOU actually assaulted him twice!

Not really. If someone corners you in a room and doesn't let you leave, pushing them to get away from them doesn't sound like assault to me. Just the opposite. He sounds abusive and controlling and very manipulative.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP you need to realize that you can't put your hands on anyone ever but especially when you are in rage mode. It is assualt. Blocking someone from leaving a room is not kodnapoing and you know this. Even if he is blocking you from leaving a room you can't touch him. The law doesn't work like that. You need to be very careful because at this time you are the aggressor. You need therapy for yourself regardless of this marriage works out. Couples therapy would be good but you (and him) need individual therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP you need to realize that you can't put your hands on anyone ever but especially when you are in rage mode. It is assualt. Blocking someone from leaving a room is not kodnapoing and you know this. Even if he is blocking you from leaving a room you can't touch him. The law doesn't work like that. You need to be very careful because at this time you are the aggressor. You need therapy for yourself regardless of this marriage works out. Couples therapy would be good but you (and him) need individual therapy.

Actually, locking someone in a room is abusive behavior.

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP you need to realize that you can't put your hands on anyone ever but especially when you are in rage mode. It is assualt. Blocking someone from leaving a room is not kodnapoing and you know this. Even if he is blocking you from leaving a room you can't touch him. The law doesn't work like that. You need to be very careful because at this time you are the aggressor. You need therapy for yourself regardless of this marriage works out. Couples therapy would be good but you (and him) need individual therapy.

Actually, locking someone in a room is abusive behavior.

Reading comprehension might be off here - but I don't think anyone said anything about locking someone in a room...

If anything - she said she locked herself in the room - the husband simply unlocked the door and came in... which pissed her off so she pushed him - which she admits is wrong... but she said she does it because she is raging.

He needs to respect her boundaries and he needs to figure out that she just needs time to cool off and relax - not that the relationship is going to end because of 30 minutes of not fighting.

Anonymous wrote:

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP you need to realize that you can't put your hands on anyone ever but especially when you are in rage mode. It is assualt. Blocking someone from leaving a room is not kodnapoing and you know this. Even if he is blocking you from leaving a room you can't touch him. The law doesn't work like that. You need to be very careful because at this time you are the aggressor. You need therapy for yourself regardless of this marriage works out. Couples therapy would be good but you (and him) need individual therapy.

Actually, locking someone in a room is abusive behavior.

Reading comprehension might be off here - but I don't think anyone said anything about locking someone in a room...

If anything - she said she locked herself in the room - the husband simply unlocked the door and came in... which pissed her off so she pushed him - which she admits is wrong... but she said she does it because she is raging.

He needs to respect her boundaries and he needs to figure out that she just needs time to cool off and relax - not that the relationship is going to end because of 30 minutes of not fighting.

Op here, let me clarify. There were 2 incidents:

-Incident 1: im trying to leave the bedroom, he stands in front of me and walk backwards and stands right in front the door. I ask him to move out of the doorway so i can exit the room, 3or 4 times, dont remember he refuses. I approach the doorway, he puts his hands out and hold the walls, i push him to get away.

Incident2: I asked him to leave the room multiple times, he refuses, i leave room, he follows me, i locked myself in the 2nd bedroom as I got there faster. He unlocks it from outside and tries to get in the room, im holding the door from inside trying to push it shyt, he puts his arm in and blocks the door from closing. Im on the other side yelling' keep ur arm away', keep ur arm out and hes repeating ' u will have to break my arm, but im not moving it away'. I finally give up at that point as i dont want to break his arm by pushing the door, and he got in the bedroom

Anonymous wrote:OP, this will inevitably end with divorce because you are mainly focusing on what your husband is doing and his failings and not owning any of yours. It's classic and therapy won't work because you are not being humble enough to see your part in any of this. It's just your husband's neediness, but for that -- everything would be great! Not true. You have your own issues, your inability to accept this fact, and your willingness to assign all blame to your husband points to your marriage imploding at some indeterminate point in the future.

It's not about what happened, alone. It's not about him, alone. It's about you, him, and everything in between these two points. You are comfortable pointing out his failings, but your inability to examine yours is going to be your downfall.