DH doesn't give me space when we argue
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Anonymous
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Now I'm not a yeller, but I do have a related flaw. When I get mad, I am pretty much incapable of communicating objectively. Nothing good ever comes of me trying to talk when I'm angry. I am just not one of those people that can have a rational conversation when they're pissed off and trying to talk at that point inevitably pisses me off more because I tend to see everything my way. I recognize this character flaw about myself completely. But because of this, once I get mad, I don't want to talk until I calm down. I just don't. I'll talk and talk once I've had a bit to cool down, and I like to think I'm as logical as a Vulcan when I'm not angry. But once I'm mad? Forget it. Not happening. It's pointless.
My DH, however, steadfastly REFUSES to give me space once an argument or disagreement has reached this level. He simply will not shut up, he will keep asking me ' what's wrong? talk to me, whats going on , lets talk about it ect .. even if I leave the room, he will simply follow me around the house , hunting me like a wild animal, it's infuriating and exhausting. He wants to talk it out immediately, and I simply can't and won't try. Last week, we had one of the arguments, and he kept following me everywhere, i asked him to leave the bedroom, he refused, so i left the bedroom and went into another room and locked the door, he followed me, unlocked the door and tried coming in the room, i tried closing the door and he put his arm between the door and wall and refused to move it, forcing me to close the door on his arm, i asked him to move his arm out of the way, he said ' u will have to break my arm , but i won't move it'. I feel like he's the type of person who creates these situations so he can get hurt, and accuses me of abusing him, so he can play the victim. This happened another time where he stood on the doorway and refused to move, when i finally pushed him to get out of the room, he fell n hurt his wrist and accused me of being an abuser who abused him and almost broke his wrist. I seriously think he might suffer from some sort of victim syndrom or other weird pathology. Anyways, going back to the argument from last week, he refused to leave the room til i finally threatened to call the cops to remove him from my bedroom. Because of this incident, I no longer feel safe around him, i feel he purposely escalates these arguments by refusing to give me space and pushes me to the point where i end up pushing him, closing doors on him, locking myself in rooms ect... and this could potentially turn into a domestic violence situation though i am not a violent person at all . To me , it looks like im putting up a reasonable boundary saying, "hey, I need some space when I'm this angry," and he is unable to respect that boundary. Just had to vent and will appreciate any advice. |
Anonymous
| You sound like a nightmare. |
Anonymous
| You two need counseling. |
Anonymous
And yes, you do sound like an abuser. Part of the abuser mentality is to make the victim feel like they are just "playing" the victim and that everything is their fault. You have serious issues. |
Anonymous
| How often do you fight? |
Anonymous
We argue almost every week or every other week, but only a few have escalated to this level |
Anonymous
| This is very sad OP. Definite counseling for you guys. I think my DH and I have only had one fight that escalated to this level which resulted from how I load the dishwasher improperly. It ended with laughter and sex. |
Anonymous
| Op, you have major issues. Sadly it seems you are the type not to accept or acknowledge them. You need couples therapy or a divorce. |
Anonymous
| That's a lot of arguing. Have you tried counseling yet? |
Anonymous
| And BTW, you pushing him is assault. He doesn't have a victim syndrome. YOU actually assaulted him twice! |
Anonymous
| You seem like you get mad at the drop of a hat and dh has no idea why or what youre mad about. You can't control your anger so instead you twke it out on him. So unhealthy. You need both couples and individual counseling. |
Anonymous
+1 You both sound messed up. You both need couples and individual therapy. |
Anonymous
This sounds flippant, but it was sincere. You need to learn to communicate when you're upset (even if it's a simple "I need time to process this"), and he needs to learn to respect your boundaries and your need for space. Counseling will help. |
Anonymous
| You guys sound messed up. Divorce. |
Anonymous
| You need anger management. |