DH doesn't give me space when we argue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thats whats scaring me, im afraid this could potentially end in a domestic violence situation

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP you need to realize that you can't put your hands on anyone ever but especially when you are in rage mode. It is assualt. Blocking someone from leaving a room is not kodnapoing and you know this. Even if he is blocking you from leaving a room you can't touch him. The law doesn't work like that. You need to be very careful because at this time you are the aggressor. You need therapy for yourself regardless of this marriage works out. Couples therapy would be good but you (and him) need individual therapy.

Actually, locking someone in a room is abusive behavior.

Reading comprehension might be off here - but I don't think anyone said anything about locking someone in a room...

If anything - she said she locked herself in the room - the husband simply unlocked the door and came in... which pissed her off so she pushed him - which she admits is wrong... but she said she does it because she is raging.

He needs to respect her boundaries and he needs to figure out that she just needs time to cool off and relax - not that the relationship is going to end because of 30 minutes of not fighting.

Op here, let me clarify. There were 2 incidents:

-Incident 1: im trying to leave the bedroom, he stands in front of me and walk backwards and stands right in front the door. I ask him to move out of the doorway so i can exit the room, 3or 4 times, dont remember he refuses. I approach the doorway, he puts his hands out and hold the walls, i push him to get away.

Incident2: I asked him to leave the room multiple times, he refuses, i leave room, he follows me, i locked myself in the 2nd bedroom as I got there faster. He unlocks it from outside and tries to get in the room, im holding the door from inside trying to push it shyt, he puts his arm in and blocks the door from closing. Im on the other side yelling' keep ur arm away', keep ur arm out and hes repeating ' u will have to break my arm, but im not moving it away'. I finally give up at that point as i dont want to break his arm by pushing the door, and he got in the bedroom

Your husband sounds frightening and it's only a matter of time before he turns into a physical abuser. And his insecurity must be so emasculating for him...sooner or later, OP, he's going to disgust you.

News flash: you have already taken it to that level yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married to him OP?
I agree that there is a real possibility of this escalating to domestic violence. And it's going to be you who gets hurt. He's setting you up. No one blocks someone in a room or unlocks a room that someone locked themselves in without knowing full well they're escalating the situation and pushing buttons. He's as much a part of this unhealthy dynamic as you are.

+1 This is such a toxic situation. Him chasing you around the house and forcing his way into rooms you've locked is NOT OK. You both need help, separately.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written this same post. I need time and space to process and DH refuses to allow it. I have physically pushed past him before to escape a room and lock myself in another room just to chill. It is crazy. It's not like am a fuming raging bull, but I just need time to process, calm down and think about what happened and what I want to get across to him and I need to do that ALONE without him badgering me. It feels abusive to me that he forcibly tries to keep me in a room and won't give me the space I need.

We have been struggling with this issue for the entire 12 years we have been together.

[Anonymous]

Also, I am the most recent PP and in the 12 years, we have not been physically abusive to one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been married for 8 months

Oh holy hell, abort, abort! If this is how you all act 8 months in, this is doomed. Seriously. I rarely say that, but this is not how people act who have been recently married.

[phone]

This is not going to work out and you need to save your respective children for bearing witness to your dysfunction. Can you annul after 8 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written this same post. I need time and space to process and DH refuses to allow it. I have physically pushed past him before to escape a room and lock myself in another room just to chill. It is crazy. It's not like am a fuming raging bull, but I just need time to process, calm down and think about what happened and what I want to get across to him and I need to do that ALONE without him badgering me. It feels abusive to me that he forcibly tries to keep me in a room and won't give me the space I need.

We have been struggling with this issue for the entire 12 years we have been together.

Sounds abusive to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written this same post. I need time and space to process and DH refuses to allow it. I have physically pushed past him before to escape a room and lock myself in another room just to chill. It is crazy. It's not like am a fuming raging bull, but I just need time to process, calm down and think about what happened and what I want to get across to him and I need to do that ALONE without him badgering me. It feels abusive to me that he forcibly tries to keep me in a room and won't give me the space I need.

We have been struggling with this issue for the entire 12 years we have been together.

Thank you for sharing, that's exactly how i feel. I am not a fuming raging bull either, but the more he refuses to give me that space, the angrier I get. At that point, im not even angry about whatever we were fighting about anymore, but his lack of respect of my need of space. I have been reading a lot about attachment styles and it's helping me understand this so much better. If you're interested google 'dismissive avoidant' attachment style and 'anxious preoccupated attachment style' which might describe your husband. I also ordered the book 'Attached' This video also helped me understand my attachment style better

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/HjNv4cJrrcs Here's the link - Op

[Anonymous]

Was this all a ruse so you could pitch a book?

[Anonymous]

What r u talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this all a ruse so you could pitch a book?

I wondered why op was suddenly an expert and giving advice to everyone all of a sudden. I didn't think about that angle.

[Anonymous]

I'm not giving someone hits on youtube, so I don't know what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar dynamic. You can't fix it. Just, leave.