I just found out why my DH has been treating me like crap for 3 years

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[Post New]12/22/2016 13:25
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:And I'm really mad. He has been rude and nasty to me ever since DD was born. He complains about everything I do, put me on a shoestring budget and has seemed constantly angry at me. Not to anyone but me. I'm tired of it and told him last week that I am going to go back to work part time while DD is in school next Fall. He doesn't want me to and is vowing to change. He told me he has been angry because he doesn't know what I do all day and thinks the house should be cleaner, etc. I am so angry. He travels 80 percent of the time. DD is wonderful but not easy and I choose to focus on her instead of keeping the house in perfect shape. I don't know how I ended up here.


I was/am will forever be an indifferent housekeeper. SAH, WOHft or WOHpt- it doesn't matter- because it doesn't matter. DH knows this and I love him for that.

The few people I know who had DH's with similar illusions to yours went away for a three day girl's weekend, leaving their DH alone with the kid(s). The DHs got on fairly quickly and their perspectives changed. 5 days makes the point even better.

[Post New]12/22/2016 13:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Be angry all you want. There has to be a reason he asked you what you do all day. Your "I'd rather focus on my child instead" of gasp, housework, says a lot.

SAHP means more than playtime with the kids. It means you trade one job for another. You sound like my sister. She screams abuse because her husband wanted home cooked food, clean clothes and a neat, not spotless, neat tidy home. She thought housekeeping was beneath her. Her ex fixed that.


This is so bizzaire a stay-at-home parent who doesn't want to do any housekeeping work, then what exactly is she doing at home? I was raised by a single full time working mom of 4 and the house was always clean and we had home cooked meals.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.


Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:28
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.


Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!


The entitlement of the DH here is truly staggering. I'm sorry, but what a POS
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Be angry all you want. There has to be a reason he asked you what you do all day. Your "I'd rather focus on my child instead" of gasp, housework, says a lot.

SAHP means more than playtime with the kids. It means you trade one job for another. You sound like my sister. She screams abuse because her husband wanted home cooked food, clean clothes and a neat, not spotless, neat tidy home. She thought housekeeping was beneath her. Her ex fixed that.


Yeah. There has to be a reason. The reason is that you and OP's DH are fools.

OP, go back to work and split the house duties 50/50. It will be harder on both of you, but it is better than staying home with a spouse who does not understand/appreciate what you do.

[Post New]12/22/2016 13:31
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Guerita32
Member Offline
Kids are so messy and it is hard to keep the house clean with kids in it! It is hard to keep my house clean on a Saturday and we have housekeeper that comes once a week!!

If he has been treating you like crap for this long... you should perhaps seek counseling.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:32
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Anonymous
I don't get it, if he travels 80% of the time, that means you don't really have to clean other than right before his arrival. How hard would that be? Do whatever you want while he's out.

But go back to work regardless if you don't feel appreciated.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:34
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.


Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!


No one is saying that. Cleaning your house shouldn't take more than an hour a day. Cooking dinner shouldn't take more than an hour either.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:35
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Anonymous
I think it depends on the context. If he's getting upset because there is a throw lying on the floor or some stuff is out of place than he is out of line. If the house is actually a dump (with food sitting out on the counter, crumbs on the floor, trash laying around) then I can see why he is mad.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:36
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.


Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!


No one is saying that. Cleaning your house shouldn't take more than an hour a day. Cooking dinner shouldn't take more than an hour either.


Kind of agree....people with messy houses are typically just messy people that don't pick up stuff immediately and then never get around to it later. Especially with only one kid.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:36
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Anonymous
I don't know--I work FT, have two DC, and my house is clean (no help). Doesn't seem to me like DH's expectations are unreasonable, unless something else is going on.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:36
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Anonymous
As angry as this would make me and as much as I would like to really stick it to him by deciding to never work again since his "revelation", I would also feel the need to get a job ASAP because clearly he is not someone you can depend on or trust as a long term partner, and you need a backup plan, OP
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:37
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.


Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!


If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:37
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.


My thought exactly.
[Post New]12/22/2016 13:43
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.


Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!


If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.


Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?
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