
What are you teaching your children? Crying in front of them about a gift?! I bet they'll grow up spoiled brats who think that birthdays are about the perfect gift. the PP who wrote this, " And inflicting pain and discomfort on your partner is almost as important. There are penalties and consequences in every other area of life. Why not marriage? " is an idiot. Why are you married if this is what you think a partnership is about? Would you do this to your friends? Why your spouse? Just talk to him, tell him how you feel. I'm horrified by this response and would hate to be your husband.
My own DH is very particular about his birthday and you know, it used to irk me that he spent so much time thinking about it. Now, he tells me exactly what he wants and I either get it or I don't but I always make a BIG DEAL out of his special day. He used to try to micromanage it and it would backfire on him, people don't like to be treated like idiots. He isn't allowed to act like a spoiled five year old. |
Good God - what a horrible example for your kids. Either (a) It doesn't matter how your spouse treats you, as long as you get a nice gift; or (b) If your spouse doesn't perform to your expectations, punish him/her by doing something s/he hates (and possibly spending money you can't afford). I'm sure they won't grow up to be passive-aggressive or materialistic. |
Legalized prostitution. |
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The jewelry-coveting, spousal-pain-inflicting poster has GOT to be a troll. Or else a candidate for the new Real Housewives series.
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OP, are you a SAHM? I work outside the home and I do not have time to bake cakes for anyone during the week, much less go shopping on top of that.
I don't think you should have cried in front of the kids. |
I'm the Tiffany Gift Suggester. We're not call girls but marriage is about give and take. Otherwise, why aren't smart professional D.C. women lining up to date the handsome homeless guy who just might have a heart of gold? If I were Silda Wall Spitzer and decided to stay with the Mayor of Cheatville he would need to get me at least a 3-carat ring. Nothing can erase the humiliation just like nothing can take away the disappointment of a ruined birthday but for women who like jewelry can at least enjoy that. And inflicting pain and discomfort on your partner is almost as important. There are penalties and consequences in every other area of life. Why not marriage? Vanessa Bryant comes to mind. Aside from legal costs, Kobe's penalty was $4 mil. |
OP, May I ask what he got you last year? |
Next b-day, just tell your DH what you want and where to get it. Then let him handle cake, etc. how he wants. It's just a b-day, one day of the year. What is important is how he treats you the other 364 days of the year.
My DH is not into b-days either. What's the big deal? What matters is how you both treat each other on a daily basis. No offense OP, but you remind me of these girls I was friends with as a kid. They make this huge deal about your b-day. Then when it's their b-day, they expect a huge deal. Well, I wasn't into b-days, didn't know how to make a big deal, didn't know what to do. Then they are upset because you didn't do some huge thing and treat you badly -- like the fact that I was a good friend the other 364 days of the years didn't matter. Give me a break. Then I figured out that these types that make a big deal about your b-day -- all they are after is someone who will do that for them -- they don't really care about your b-day or you or if you don't want all the fuss. All they want is someone to make a fuss about them. |
Don't feel bad OP. I got a computer print-out card and some roses. My kids gave me some rocks they found on the beach. |
The best way to avoid being disappointed is to be very explicit about what you want up front. It sounds like you believe that you gave your husband all of the ingredients required for a perfect birthday, and that he is the sort of man who also needs the recipe. Give it to him, and if possible, since he is not a master chef, give him a recipe that he has a prayer of cooking before you ask him to make you a souffle.
Honey, I want you to: --Make dinner reservations --Hire a babysitter --Take the kids to buy me a nice piece of jewelry. Bring my best friend Amy with you; she knows my taste --Dress reasonably well for dinner --Bring flowers too Voila, gorgeous birthday, foolproof as mac and cheese. Before anyone jumps on me and tells me that this ruins the "surprise" or gives him a free pass, I'd advise you to re-read the original post and compare. OP not only knew about but arranged for the food and present. She just left more of it to chance. And this plan actually gives him more to do, but very clear marching orders and tasks that he can execute. Five more birthdays and Christmases like that and he can take on the responsibility to think for himself. They're not there yet. |
Hi OP, I'm clearly not as focused on either birthday or bows as you are, but thought I'd share a neat gift tradition I established by accident.
I never know what I want (other than time and a date night now and again). So, after I got lost in Anacostia the week before Mothers Day (grr Mapquest), I asked for a GPS for Mothers Day. Flash forward a couple of years, and I've requested and gotten an electronic picture frame, Ipod touch, new laptop, GPS and other swell gizmos. Since my hsuband loves electronics, he sets all the stuff up for me, so I open a gift that has pictures and cool apps installed, preprogrammed buttons that say go home, etc. I have fun with my toys and no stress of selecting the best one and figuring out how to use it. This works because we BOTH get something out of it. So, OP, maybe finding a way to channel your wishes into something fun for hubby you will get something that delights you as much as my gizmos do me. |
OP, if you're still reading, I'm just sorry that you had to endure these attacks by other posters. I'm not sure why they feel the need to be so mean to someone who is feeling rotten already, but you know of course that they must have some emotional problems that would make them get pleasure out of being vicious to a stranger -- it has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry your birthday was not all you wanted it to be -- it feels bad. I've already posted my advice previously but I just wanted to tell you to ignore the mean women posting on this board. |
I agree with you, why do people get so mean? Anyway, OP I feel for you too. A lot of Men (not all) just don't understand the thought counts for us and means a lot. Do you think maybe the kids picked those gifts out? Maybe they did, and didn't realize they were not the greatest gifts? At least that part would be kind of cute. You shouldn't have to make your own cake, etc... though. Maybe next year you can all go out to dinner or something. I have to help my husband too. One year I picked my own gift because I knew what I wanted (a certain ring) and knew he wouldn't want to shop around for it. He was annoyed (which I originally didn't know because I had discussed with him I ring I found, and we decided to pick it up together), but honestly, it helped him to make an effort for the next holiday and he did pick something I was hoping for and had to take care of setting it up which was the nice part, because of the effort. I guess many men just don't get it, and can't because they are different than us. Sorry ![]() |
Love this one!! A homeless guy--as handsome as he is (cuz if he was ugly, why in the hell would you be with him?!)--could never have anything to offer you. Offer you love? Are you kidding? Who needs love when you can get a gift from Tiffany's. Offer you respect? No way, just get me that Iphone, hon- and NOW! And, of course, as soon as it's outdated--which never takes too long with Apple products--make sure you get me the latest edition, otherwise severe penalties will be issued) This thread has given me an unexpectedly great insight into the insanely disgusting materialistic culture that America is. |