Unhappily Surprised by Second Pregnancy

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[Post New]12/13/2011 12:44
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Oh, good. Let's all vote on whether we approve of the "six month" PP's decision. Classy.


Okay good idea! I DON'T agree with it either!!
[Post New]12/13/2011 12:45
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:





I'm not in your position OP but I honestly cannot imagine terminating a child of mine and my husbands in a happy marriage where we were financially stable because it didn't fit with our ideal timing. I'd always wonder what that baby would have looked like, what would his/her personality have been, even if I went on to have other children. Frankly, I'm really shocked that so many people are writing in that they have terminated a pregnancy while married because the timing wasn't right. I'm as pro-choice as can be but the thought would never even enter my mind. You asked for an opinion, so here is mine: I find it very callous and selfish to abort a baby in your situation.


Totally agree. Life isn't always convenient.
[Post New]12/13/2011 12:54
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also sickened by six month poster. Wow, six months?


Another sickened.

If six months makes that big of a difference, and you can't handle the child you are already carrying, don't have anymore.

There is always an excuse.


sickened by this as well.


Yeah the "posters" who are all saying the same thing - it's okay & wish PP health & happiness or whatever - it is likely all coming from same one person.
[Post New]12/13/2011 12:56
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have brought up whether you would be able to get pregnant later, and how that would make you feel. But what about the baby that would now be born in 9 months? Regardless of how you view it now, it will be a baby that would have a personality, abilities and potential just like your older child.


This. I'm not judging you, OP, and wish you the best in whatever you decide.

That said, I am a single mom of 1, and I don't know how on earth I would handle 2, but given the chance, I would do it.

I can't imagine terminating a baby because, and this might sound freakish, I would miss the baby. I would wonder who he/she would have been, think about them often, wonder how my DD would have liked this baby. I don't think you can just replace the baby you're carrying with another. No matter what, you will always have lost THIS baby, and all the blessings, and yes, issues, THIS baby will bring.

Even if you have another, you may always feel like someone is missing from your family. I would.
[Post New]12/13/2011 12:58
jsteele
Site Admin Online
Let's please halt the abortion debate in this thread. People who want to engage in such a debate are welcome to move to the political forum. The OP is asking for those who have been in her position to share their experiences. Posts that do not address that issue will no longer be tolerated in this thread. If anyone would like to comment on my intervention in this thread, please do it in the Website Feedback forum as such posts are also unwelcome in this thread
DC Urban Moms & Dads Administrator
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[Post New]12/13/2011 13:21
Anonymous
jsteele wrote:Let's please halt the abortion debate in this thread. People who want to engage in such a debate are welcome to move to the political forum. The OP is asking for those who have been in her position to share their experiences. Posts that do not address that issue will no longer be tolerated in this thread. If anyone would like to comment on my intervention in this thread, please do it in the Website Feedback forum as such posts are also unwelcome in this thread


OP here - thank you. I feel really bad that other posters are being attacked. I expected it for myself, but I'm used to this kind of pro-life vitriol from my mom growing up and have gotten used to blocking it out. I hope others are able to do the same, and I'd like to thank them for putting themselves out there at risk of being virtually stoned. It has been very helpful to hear their stories.

Jsteele - feel free to shut this thread down now if you deem it necessary, as I've gotten plenty of useful responses and am not interested in engaging in any moral debate right now.
[Post New]12/13/2011 13:24
Anonymous
OP, I just read the first page, and I don't know if you're still listening, and I'm terrible at texting, but I could have written the title of your post, so I feel compelled to share my story.

We differ in that my first pregnancy was totally unplanned. It's why I got married. My life was just getting back on track when I found out I was pregnant again when my first turned 1.

My husband was devastated, speechless. I would be due exactly as he started an extremely rigorous graduate degree. His parents had been furious over the 1st pregnancy, and this one would ruin our tenuous relationship. We relied on them to fund his education, so their disapproval would tank his plans. We were young, and destitute, and had big plans. I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood for a counseling session, to discuss termination options.

During the night before the appointment, I had terrible abdominal pain, and thought it might be an ectopic pregnancy. I called my OB, who had delivered my first, and got the earliest apt in the AM for an ultrasound. It was right after my PP apt, right across the street.

The PP counselor listened to all my fears, and strongly advised termination. We were young, we had time, we needed to take care of the family we had. She wanted me to schedule it before I left, but I said I had to see if it was ectopic first.

I went across the street for my ultrasound. I turned out the pains were from kidney stones. I saw my 6 week daughter's heartbeat, though. Of course, I did not know she was my daughter at the time, but I know now, because that same heart is still beating in her beautiful teenage body.

OP, my daughters are so beautiful. The daughter my husband was so shattered about looks exactly like him, has his personality. She is my greatest helper, always sunny and sweet. Things were tough, but my in-laws came around--they couldn't help loving the girls. Yes, she was born at the start of school, and she made him late for a class a couple hours after her birth, and he was yelled at by his professor, and everyone laughed when they heard his excuse . She slept in our room because there was no where else to put her. But now, here she is, her whole life ahead of her, a life she loves so much.

OP, I'm not standing in your way, I'm just telling you my story. You can't go back to having never gotten pregnant a second time. You may lose the pregnancy anyway. Who knows what the future holds? No one here. You can't know what stresses or crises might be in store, pregnant or not.

What do you know? You and your husband made love, and conceived a child, your child, a physical embodiment of your love for each other. That child is under your heart right now. You don't know how long or how short a time you have with that child. But he or she is there RIGHT NOW. Please consider how unpredictable life is, and try to see this as an unexpected gift, a gift made in love, rather than a burden. All burdens can be borne when you have love, and you have lots of love.

I was you. My child is becoming a young woman now. What could your new pregnancy become?
[Post New]12/13/2011 13:25
jsteele
Site Admin Online
Anonymous wrote:
Jsteele - feel free to shut this thread down now if you deem it necessary, as I've gotten plenty of useful responses and am not interested in engaging in any moral debate right now.


Will do.
DC Urban Moms & Dads Administrator
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