Unhappily Surprised by Second Pregnancy

[Anonymous]

I opened this thread because I am pg with unexpected #3. I was shocked and disappointed, and seriously hope that OP does not have the termination.

[Anonymous]

I recently became pregnant with #2. #1 was 15 months. I had a difficult pregnancy and early months with #1, and my marriage and life were just getting back on track. While we plan to have another child, we just couldn't do it then. After a lot of soul-searchiing, I terminated (at about 7 weeks, medically - for me, it was a fairly easy process). It was the best decision for me and my family - not that I don't think about "what if," but one of the big "what if"s for me was whether my husband and I were going to be able to keep our marriage together through the first few months so soon after doing it with our first child. We wanted to enjoy being parents to our first child and get some sort of break. This is what was best for us and our family.

Fast forward six months, and we're about to start trying for #2. We are in a place now to truly welcome a new member to our family, not just to do our best to make it work. I'm so grateful that I had the support of my husband to make the choices that have allowed our family to flourish, not to just get by.

[Anonymous]

I find it odd that so many posts have said "how will you feel if you can't get pregnant later?" or "you never know if you'll be able to have another baby," as if babies are somehow fungible. Like, if there were a guarantee that you'd be able to get pregnant in the future at a more convenient time, that would make it somehow more ok to abort THIS baby because you'll just have another one later. The baby you are carrying right now, OP, is a unique, precious life that cannot be replaced by another baby you might conceive next year. Once this baby is gone, he or she is gone.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to mention one other thing. I did terminate a baby myself because of genetic abnormalities. My dh and I are both pro-choice, and we had pre-decided to terminate if we had this situation. Even so, it was still a very difficult time for us, and having an abortion is not like having your teeth cleaned. It is a medical procedure that is not much fun, and you do have a recovery period from it as well. I did go on to have two other lovely babies, and I do not regret my termination, but it isn't something to go into lightly.

[Anonymous]

I recently became pregnant with #2. #1 was 15 months. I had a difficult pregnancy and early months with #1, and my marriage and life were just getting back on track. While we plan to have another child, we just couldn't do it then. After a lot of soul-searchiing, I terminated (at about 7 weeks, medically - for me, it was a fairly easy process). It was the best decision for me and my family - not that I don't think about "what if," but one of the big "what if"s for me was whether my husband and I were going to be able to keep our marriage together through the first few months so soon after doing it with our first child. We wanted to enjoy being parents to our first child and get some sort of break. This is what was best for us and our family.

Fast forward six months, and we're about to start trying for #2. We are in a place now to truly welcome a new member to our family, not just to do our best to make it work. I'm so grateful that I had the support of my husband to make the choices that have allowed our family to flourish, not to just get by.

This is sickening, frankly. An extra SIX MONTHS was worth stopping your baby's beating heart??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've been there. #2 was unexpected and too much for us for a variety of reasons. I'll be honest: it almost destroyed our marriage, but 7 years later we are still together as a family of 3 I often wonder what would have been, but I am also at peace with my decision.

I'm pro-choice, except for when it comes to my uterus.
We also had a very very unexpected number 2 (unexpected because of past infertility.) Having baby 1 almost destroyed our marriage and so we were very comfortable with our decision to have 1. DC 2 is 8 months old, the marriage is rocky but this time we both recognize that this is a moment in time. Even if life is difficult now, the baby is an absolute joy and I'm thankful for him each and every day. Good luck with whatever you decide.

You don't think that you deserve a choice? Or you think that you do deserve a choice, and that choice will be to never terminate a pregnancy?

I am pro-choice and I don't think I could ever abort. But that's the great thing about being pro-choice - you support a woman's right to make her own decisions.

[Anonymous]

If statistics are any help to you, OP, it's extremely common for women with children to abort in the interests of their existing children and financial status. In fact, 61% of women who have abortions in the US already have children. http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_induced_abortion.html. Many, many women in your position have weighed the same options you have and chosen to terminate.

FWIW, I am facing an unplanned pregnancy in a relationship that's in no way rationally ready for this. After much agonizing I decided to go forward, but I'm not sure how it will turn out. I would never, ever judge anyone for chosing to terminate, having come so close to it myself. The interests of a 3 mm embryo that has no brain and is indistinguishable from a frog embryo simply can't outweigh everything else in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I haven't been in your shoes, as my kids are a totally planned 2.5 years apart. But your comment on marriage struck me. My husband and I have a pretty rock solid marriage, and I think a lot of that has to do with the times of insane stress and hardship that we have endured. It's through having to depend on each other, be totally "real" with each other, find humor and grace in seemingly absurd moments, sacrifice and make hard compromises, learn to parent in ways that feel authentic to us, that we've been able to strengthen our marriage. I'm not saying that's how it works out for everyone, but to me a happy marriage isn't made just when life is all sunshine and roses.

I totally agree with this PP - I think what makes a strong marriage is working together through tough situations that arise unexpectedly in life. And tough situations will always arise in this life. The reason I think I have a strong marriage is not because I can prevent those hardships but because we are both committed to sticking it out even when it is rough.

I'm not in your position OP but I honestly cannot imagine terminating a child of mine and my husbands in a happy marriage where we were financially stable because it didn't fit with our ideal timing. I'd always wonder what that baby would have looked like, what would his/her personality have been, even if I went on to have other children. Frankly, I'm really shocked that so many people are writing in that they have terminated a pregnancy while married because the timing wasn't right. I'm as pro-choice as can be but the thought would never even enter my mind. You asked for an opinion, so here is mine: I find it very callous and selfish to abort a baby in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I recently became pregnant with #2. #1 was 15 months. I had a difficult pregnancy and early months with #1, and my marriage and life were just getting back on track. While we plan to have another child, we just couldn't do it then. After a lot of soul-searchiing, I terminated (at about 7 weeks, medically - for me, it was a fairly easy process). It was the best decision for me and my family - not that I don't think about "what if," but one of the big "what if"s for me was whether my husband and I were going to be able to keep our marriage together through the first few months so soon after doing it with our first child. We wanted to enjoy being parents to our first child and get some sort of break. This is what was best for us and our family.

Fast forward six months, and we're about to start trying for #2. We are in a place now to truly welcome a new member to our family, not just to do our best to make it work. I'm so grateful that I had the support of my husband to make the choices that have allowed our family to flourish, not to just get by.

This is sickening, frankly. An extra SIX MONTHS was worth stopping your baby's beating heart??

Agreed!! I am speechless and really sad/angry reading the disturbing post.

[Anonymous]

I'm not disturbed by it nor do I find it sickening. So many things can change in six months. I hope the PP conceives easily and wish her a healthy and happy pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not disturbed by it nor do I find it sickening. So many things can change in six months. I hope the PP conceives easily and wish her a healthy and happy pregnancy.

Same here. Good luck, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not disturbed by it nor do I find it sickening. So many things can change in six months. I hope the PP conceives easily and wish her a healthy and happy pregnancy.

+1. While I think this is an intensely personal decision that no woman can make for another, I can absolutely imagine being in her situation and balancing the emotional health of my family over another potential life. These decisions are never simple, but we're all trying to do what's best for our families. PP, I wish you health and a happy family.

[Anonymous]

Also sickened by six month poster. Wow, six months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also sickened by six month poster. Wow, six months?

Another sickened.

If six months makes that big of a difference, and you can't handle the child you are already carrying, don't have anymore.

There is always an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Oh, good. Let's all vote on whether we approve of the "six month" PP's decision. Classy.