Anonymous wrote:Anyone know anything about the club scene in the DC area? DD is a good athlete and is giving up basketball to play vball as a freshman at high school, and if she makes varsity is keen to play club. I haven't much of an idea where to start, any advice?

My daughter played club for five years, in addition to playing JV for one year and varsity for three at her local public HS. She's off to college (tomorrow — yipes!) to play Division III for her top-choice school. There is no question that volleyball played a role in her college search, entirely to her advantage.

I'd be happy to chat further if you'd like — see the address below. If not, best of luck with your daughter. It's a fantastic sport!

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:The number one thing I have seen that parents can do to combat cliques that veer into negative exclusivity is to take off the blinders that their kids are not 'mean girls' or they themselves are not 'mean'. The kids go where the parent lead. Do YOU go up and talk to someone new at parent gatherings? Do you notice who your child has had over and occasionally encourage a new friend for a playdate? Do you note which children may be geographically limited in their social opportunities and make a special effort to include them--perhaps offering a sleepover after a late event? Or do YOU take the easy route?

THIS.

If I could give only one piece of advice (that nobody asked for) around this topic, it would be: Focus on helping your children develop maturity, NOT "happiness." Maturity means doing things that don't necessarily make people happy. But it makes better people.

The book that really influenced my thinking on this topic is Richard Weissbourd's The Parents We Mean to Be. Highly recommended.

Peter

Anonymous wrote:Our DD will be starting at a new school this fall and I was wondering do cliques form in Elementary school or that is just a MS thing? Not sure how to handle this since our DD is a shy sweet girl who isn't aggresive in making friends

This is a fabulously complex topic, but we can agree on a few things. Excluding people in a mean-spirited way is bad. Welcoming them in kindness is good. And all of it is NORMAL in children. (That doesn't mean it's acceptable. It means it's expectable.)

OP: It sounds like this may be a concern for you rather than just a point of information. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask teachers and administrators how they confront these issues at their schools. Nobody can eradicate it because it's tied to children's developmental stages; I'd be very wary of anybody who says, "That really doesn't happen at our school." That said, dealing with it thoughtfully can arm children with strong tools for when they grow up and confront some of the same issues throughout their lives. The worst bullying class I ever had in sixth grade turned out to be the closest group of kids I dealt with by they time they reached eighth grade. The reason? The kids decided to do something about it THEMSELVES, and asked the teachers to support them. It turned the entire experience around.

Another true story: A mom once called me to complain about exclusion among fifth-grade girls. Her older kids were at another school, and she told me with absolute certainty that they didn't face these issues at that other school. When we hung up, I called the middle school head of the other school to congratulate her on achieving a 100% meanness-free school. She joined me in a good laugh about it. (Then we hung up and went back to weeping separately.)

The teacher's post above is great; read it fully if you haven't.

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:Not the Big 3.

I've been doing this for 15 years and I don't know what the "Big 3" are. (Please, don't tell me. I don't want to know.)

That said, at least two of the most competitive schools in DC have notified siblings early in the last few years.

Peter

Anonymous wrote:The kids who are attracted to baseball vs lacrosse at the high school level tend to have different personalities. I'm going to guess your son with a year or two under his belt will naturally select or will want to play which ever his friends play. I would definitely recommend against picking a school based significantly on a sport.

+1.

Both very good points.

Anonymous wrote:

Same at the MLB level too. Look at the Nats. Danny Espinosa was a great fielder, but a so-so hitter. Daniel Murphy is a space cadet at second base as balls roll by him, but he is an awesome hitter. One is an All-Star, while the other hit .178 for the Angels before being released.

Yeah, that's odd, isn't it, given the well worn maxim that "defense wins championships."

There's at least one exception: A reliable pitcher (and yes, that involves an enormous range of skills, more and more of them mental as the kids get older) may not need to hit as well as others.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have a thought as to whether it is more difficult to become good at baseball or lacrosse, or does it totally vary from player to player? They're both spring sports so would ultimately conflict with one another, I imagine.

It's not unusual for a player to have to choose at some point when seasons conflict, and, as you imply, there's no clear answer.

Years ago I worked with a world-class soccer player who announced after ninth grade that he wanted to quit. Not that they could force him, but his parents decided to let him do what he felt like doing. After a year away, he returned to the sport and eventually received a soccer scholarship — at a Division III school. Could he have played D-1? Maybe, maybe not. But ultimately his parents felt like allowing him the choice would be the bigger "win."

So back to the (I assume) real son: Which sport does he like better? That's really the only question. There's no formula, and I'd be very wary of trying to "calculate" this kind of ineffable equation.

Peter

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how the process works - is there any typical process, or is it school by school?

As a relatively new phenomenon, some DC-area schools encourage siblings to apply early. (It's a mystery that early admission is not more of a thing, as in colleges.) Though nothing is final until decisions are announced to families, in general these schools will give some early indication of whether parents should feel encouraged or discouraged by Sibling #2's (or 3's or 4's) chances.

Most (but certainly not all) schools will raise concerns they have about siblings early, usually in the form of a phone call from an admission officer. Those calls usually take the form of: "We really love Susie, but I want to let you know that Jimmy's reading scores are raising some questions. I don't know what the Committee will ultimately do, but I wanted you to know that it may not be a sure thing."

In my opinion, in these cases parents would be well advised to assume that Jimmy will not be offered a spot. It is possible that he will be, depending on other circumstances, and that would be a bonus. However, it's important to be realistic: this admittedly elliptical way of saying things is a strong recommendation to distribute your applicant's eggs to more baskets.

Hope that's helpful.
Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:Lots of football and lacrosse talk on here, but what about baseball? Anyone have a kid playing baseball? Which high schools are the most competitive? Is it hard to make the teams? Harder or easier to excel at compared w/ lacrosse?

In DC, St. John's and Maret typically have very strong baseball teams. Gonzaga and St. Albans also field teams that do well.

As you'd expect, the better the team, the harder it is to make it.

I have a rising ninth grader who's a decent ballplayer as well. I'd be happy to talk further if you want. My email is below.

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Regarding "structure" — I think we routinely confuse "structure" and "order." I was a division head at a school that was very high on the "structure" scale and much lower on the "order" scale, and that was intentional.

I wrote post on this topic a couple of years ago. If you're interested, you can find it here:

http://www.arcpd.com/arcblog/2015/12/10/the-purpose-of-classroom-management

Peter

Anonymous wrote:Why do students at GDS call teachers by their first names? I've never understood the point of this.

There is a good piece on the topic here:

https://odestojoyatgreenacres.wordpress.com/2015/10/15/partners-in-learning-why-our-students-call-us-by-our-first-names/

The broader point is not what's "right," but whether the approach is well thought-out. Reasonable people can disagree and still get good results. While I have a preference for first names, my primary motivation in posting this is to provide an answer to the question asked.

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:What if you don't agree to waiver?

In every academic setting I know, from pre-K to graduate school, it is expected that people will sign waivers regarding recommendations. That's the "industry standard," if you will.

However, under federal law parents own their children's academic records, and recommendations are a part of those records. If you decide against waiving your right to see them, you are entitled to a copy. You are not, however, entitled to editing privileges.

Most schools will mark "un-waived" recommendations as "Not Confidential," or something like that, and those non-confidential recommendations usually raise flags at the receiving schools. When I dealt with parents who declined to waive their rights, I almost received calls from schools asking why. In essence, those parents just shifted any potential concerns off the written recommendation and into a confidential discussion — and you can be sure you will never be apprised that discussion even took place, let alone what it covered. The situation is not perfect, but I recommend strongly that parents waive their rights.

Unless somebody is particularly spiteful, School A wants any School B to view A's students positively. I was never thrilled when students would apply out before completing the program, but I would certainly accept that it's a family decision and do all I could to help a student find success.

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:Is it moving for 3rd?

There is nothing wrong with asking the admission office whether they expect movement on a wait list in a particular grade —recognizing that it's unlikely any answer will be precise, since circumstances change. That said, it's reasonable to ask, "If there is movement in the third grade wait list, is there a chance it will break in my child's favor?" It's unfortunate if the answer is no, but as a parent I'd rather be turned down definitively than left hanging if there's no real chance. Most admission officers recognize this.

In response to a previous post: After 25 years' work in independent schools I have yet to encounter a school that accepts all its applicants.

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:I have heard GDS and Sidwell only. Anyone know otherwise?

I'm not sure whether this question is serious. If it is...

The idea that a school's placement history at "name schools" (or SAT scores) will necessarily rub off on any specific student is folly. There is a case to be made in the opposite direction, in fact — namely, that if your child is one of three applying to Penn, and she's worked her way through a gritty high school, she'll have a better shot getting in than if she's one of 30 at a posh independent school.

My wife has an undergraduate Ivy degree, and I have one from graduate school. We both believe that our non-Ivy experiences were far superior on almost measure one would apply.

I'd suggest considering a college that fits your child when that time arrives, rather than the other way around. The odds of getting into one of those colleges, cumulatively, is less than one in 10. Why set a child up for failure based on parent dreams?

COLLEGE IS NOT THE END GAME.

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I understand many people in the DC Metro area have this issue - that's why I'd like to hear their perspective!

This is also absolutely not a social thing for us. It would be the opposite. Our social network is going public. We are also not terribly affluent. Private tuition, while not a crazy stretch, would be a sacrifice in terms of opportunity cost for other things.

The size of classes and attention paid to individual kids doesn't seem to be a factor at all I'm hearing. 24-26 kids in a class just seems pretty extreme to me for such little kids...

Smaller does not always mean better — the ideal size for middle and high school classes, for example, is about 16, not 8 — but I agree that 24 is a big number for younger kids. There's strong evidence, for example, that reading is taught most effectively in groups of about 10–12. High schoolers in Montgomery County, "W cluster" and otherwise, routinely have classes that number 32 students or more, which is absurd if student participation in classes is a goal. (One can only conclude that it's not.)

My wife and I, both public school kids from K to 12, had several reasons for choosing an independent school for our kids K-8, among them that I was employed in one. But there are others. Independent schools allow significantly greater participation in more activities and athletics, much more feedback about student progress, parent and student access to teachers and administrators, and (usually) highly capable college counseling in high school.

For us, however, philosophy was perhaps the biggest part of our decision. We think that children's voices and opinions should count, that there should be an atmosphere of trust between children and adults, that children should have some degree of choice to study what they're interested in, and that developing the skills measured by standardized tests is important but vastly overrated. A "character education week" or "diversity day" makes those topics seem silly, and students see right through adults' slapdash attempts to introduce items like that in a school — in contrast to our belief that they are important parts of a well-rounded education. We have found all of these things in a well regarded Montgomery County high school — and with respect to many bright, dedicated staff members, I just don't believe this is the best we can offer in one of the richest places in the country.

Independent school has entailed sacrifices for our family as well, but education is the one thing you can't do over.

My two cents.
Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com