Wife with Metastatic Breast Cancer

[Anonymous]

My wife of 19 years was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2017. Through a course of radiation and immunology treatment she now has no evidence of cancer. The problem is she continues to take prednisone and other hormone therapy. She has insomnia, has all the side effects of prednisone (weight gain, swelling), is very lethargic, is very short with me and the kids. She really stays up all night, sleeps until noon, then does her job from home. She is usually on the couch with wine by 7:00. Of course, sex and intimacy has been non-existent for the last two years, she generally falls asleep on the couch. I feel like she isn’t doing the types of things she needs to to actually go on living. If you research on line, she should be trying light exercise like yoga or Pilates, she should be going to a counselor, and I question whether someone can stay on prednisone for years. I don’t know why I am writing. It’s just hard. I’ve previously had doubts about our relationship, and this has really been a challenge for what seems like a long time. Is there hope? How do I suggest she talk more to the doctor about the medication? Or ask her to do things like go on walks with me, etc.? She doesn’t want to talk when I bring these things up.

[Anonymous]

At her next check-up, you should accompany her to her doctor and ask whether she has to stay on Prednisone.

If she is lethargic with weight gain, it could also be due to hypothyroidism, which causes weight gain, fatigue and depression. So she should get bloodwork to test for thyroid function as well as anemia and any other common condition that might explain her current state. Hypothyroidism is very common in women after a certain age, so what you're seeing could be hypo + prednisone. Someone who is severely hypo will not be alert enough to go to the doctor on their own.

DCUM has a tendency to jump on mental health causes, but first, you must always rule out physical causes.

[Anonymous]

My heart goes out to you but you couldn't have picked a worse Forum to post this question.

[Anonymous]

*Throws a bag of popcorn in the microwave*

This goin' be good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife of 19 years was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2017. Through a course of radiation and immunology treatment she now has no evidence of cancer. The problem is she continues to take prednisone and other hormone therapy. She has insomnia, has all the side effects of prednisone (weight gain, swelling), is very lethargic, is very short with me and the kids. She really stays up all night, sleeps until noon, then does her job from home. She is usually on the couch with wine by 7:00. Of course, sex and intimacy has been non-existent for the last two years, she generally falls asleep on the couch. I feel like she isn’t doing the types of things she needs to to actually go on living. If you research on line, she should be trying light exercise like yoga or Pilates, she should be going to a counselor, and I question whether someone can stay on prednisone for years. I don’t know why I am writing. It’s just hard. I’ve previously had doubts about our relationship, and this has really been a challenge for what seems like a long time. Is there hope? How do I suggest she talk more to the doctor about the medication? Or ask her to do things like go on walks with me, etc.? She doesn’t want to talk when I bring these things up.

I think you should divorce and let her find a real man who is sensitive to her health issues and needs. Instead of being grateful she is alive you only care about your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife of 19 years was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2017. Through a course of radiation and immunology treatment she now has no evidence of cancer. The problem is she continues to take prednisone and other hormone therapy. She has insomnia, has all the side effects of prednisone (weight gain, swelling), is very lethargic, is very short with me and the kids. She really stays up all night, sleeps until noon, then does her job from home. She is usually on the couch with wine by 7:00. Of course, sex and intimacy has been non-existent for the last two years, she generally falls asleep on the couch. I feel like she isn’t doing the types of things she needs to to actually go on living. If you research on line, she should be trying light exercise like yoga or Pilates, she should be going to a counselor, and I question whether someone can stay on prednisone for years. I don’t know why I am writing. It’s just hard. I’ve previously had doubts about our relationship, and this has really been a challenge for what seems like a long time. Is there hope? How do I suggest she talk more to the doctor about the medication? Or ask her to do things like go on walks with me, etc.? She doesn’t want to talk when I bring these things up.

Prednisone actually gives me energy! Sometimes the only energy I have is prednisone. What is kicking my butt is anemia, nausea, and diarrhea. As for sex, between nausea, diarrhea, and fatigue, it’s the first two that make me reluctant to do certain sexual activities. We are managing with HJs for him because it allows me to run to the bathroom if I have to. Sexy, right? Also, I came out of the hospital with chemo sores on all my mucus membranes (including my vulva) so there’s that.

Here’s the thing. DH just finished his own cancer treatments and recalls often that he loved me even when he couldn’t bear the thought of me touching his body. So we got really got at expressing love and even desire in other ways. Our marriage is really strong as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At her next check-up, you should accompany her to her doctor and ask whether she has to stay on Prednisone.

If she is lethargic with weight gain, it could also be due to hypothyroidism, which causes weight gain, fatigue and depression. So she should get bloodwork to test for thyroid function as well as anemia and any other common condition that might explain her current state. Hypothyroidism is very common in women after a certain age, so what you're seeing could be hypo + prednisone. Someone who is severely hypo will not be alert enough to go to the doctor on their own.

DCUM has a tendency to jump on mental health causes, but first, you must always rule out physical causes.

Prednisone causes weight gain, plus she's at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At her next check-up, you should accompany her to her doctor and ask whether she has to stay on Prednisone.

If she is lethargic with weight gain, it could also be due to hypothyroidism, which causes weight gain, fatigue and depression. So she should get bloodwork to test for thyroid function as well as anemia and any other common condition that might explain her current state. Hypothyroidism is very common in women after a certain age, so what you're seeing could be hypo + prednisone. Someone who is severely hypo will not be alert enough to go to the doctor on their own.

DCUM has a tendency to jump on mental health causes, but first, you must always rule out physical causes.

Prednisone causes weight gain, plus she's at that age.

Of course. But don't make the error of thinking you can only have one medical issue at one time.

[Anonymous]

No evidence of cancer after a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis is a freaking miracle.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Divorcing a cancer patient... that's a good one, you are a catch.

Have you thought maybe YOU ARE THE ONE THAT NEEDS THERAPY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At her next check-up, you should accompany her to her doctor and ask whether she has to stay on Prednisone.

If she is lethargic with weight gain, it could also be due to hypothyroidism, which causes weight gain, fatigue and depression. So she should get bloodwork to test for thyroid function as well as anemia and any other common condition that might explain her current state. Hypothyroidism is very common in women after a certain age, so what you're seeing could be hypo + prednisone. Someone who is severely hypo will not be alert enough to go to the doctor on their own.

DCUM has a tendency to jump on mental health causes, but first, you must always rule out physical causes.

You should probably google metestatic breast cancer.

[Anonymous]

Was she HER2+?

How many operations did she do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No evidence of cancer after a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis is a freaking miracle.

I don’t believe this. Metastatic is death sentence.

The wine is the likely culprit btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife of 19 years was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2017. Through a course of radiation and immunology treatment she now has no evidence of cancer. The problem is she continues to take prednisone and other hormone therapy. She has insomnia, has all the side effects of prednisone (weight gain, swelling), is very lethargic, is very short with me and the kids. She really stays up all night, sleeps until noon, then does her job from home. She is usually on the couch with wine by 7:00. Of course, sex and intimacy has been non-existent for the last two years, she generally falls asleep on the couch. I feel like she isn’t doing the types of things she needs to to actually go on living. If you research on line, she should be trying light exercise like yoga or Pilates, she should be going to a counselor, and I question whether someone can stay on prednisone for years. I don’t know why I am writing. It’s just hard. I’ve previously had doubts about our relationship, and this has really been a challenge for what seems like a long time. Is there hope? How do I suggest she talk more to the doctor about the medication? Or ask her to do things like go on walks with me, etc.? She doesn’t want to talk when I bring these things up.

It sounds like you should've left her when she was diagnosed, like most shitty men do. Maybe she's depressed and doesn't want to go on living because she has you for a husband.