Wife with Metastatic Breast Cancer

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't tell you the truth about her health condition. The fact she has to take prednisone is is an indication that she is more seriously ill than you are led to believe.

[Anonymous]

Put your needs aside and try to help her. It’s a miracle she’s still here in the first place. Just keep encouraging her to get healthy. She could be depressed and feeling unloved by you.

[Anonymous]

Nobody takes prednisone and hormones just for fun! The side effects are severe, as you noticed. She needs support not self-pity of her healthy spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorcing a cancer patient... that's a good one, you are a catch.

Have you thought maybe YOU ARE THE ONE THAT NEEDS THERAPY.

Try abandoning/leaving/divorcing a breast cancer survivor that cheats on you. How's that gonna look to anyone? And I mean ANYONE! You're stuck, unless you wanna leave the life you had completely behind, and leave the world you've known all your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife of 19 years was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2017. Through a course of radiation and immunology treatment she now has no evidence of cancer. The problem is she continues to take prednisone and other hormone therapy. She has insomnia, has all the side effects of prednisone (weight gain, swelling), is very lethargic, is very short with me and the kids. She really stays up all night, sleeps until noon, then does her job from home. She is usually on the couch with wine by 7:00. Of course, sex and intimacy has been non-existent for the last two years, she generally falls asleep on the couch. I feel like she isn’t doing the types of things she needs to to actually go on living. If you research on line, she should be trying light exercise like yoga or Pilates, she should be going to a counselor, and I question whether someone can stay on prednisone for years. I don’t know why I am writing. It’s just hard. I’ve previously had doubts about our relationship, and this has really been a challenge for what seems like a long time. Is there hope? How do I suggest she talk more to the doctor about the medication? Or ask her to do things like go on walks with me, etc.? She doesn’t want to talk when I bring these things up.

I think you should divorce and let her find a real man who is sensitive to her health issues and needs. Instead of being grateful she is alive you only care about your needs.

OP is a selfish jerk; typical man.

Men are babies.

[Anonymous]

I'm actually sympathetic to your plight but you will not get the permission you are about to seek to step out on your marriage. Also don't be so smug/blind. She could recover, and you could be next. Then she would be your lifeline and you would be SOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorcing a cancer patient... that's a good one, you are a catch.

Have you thought maybe YOU ARE THE ONE THAT NEEDS THERAPY.

Divorce a victim of cancer - oh that’s rich. OP is a horrible man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorcing a cancer patient... that's a good one, you are a catch.

Have you thought maybe YOU ARE THE ONE THAT NEEDS THERAPY.

Divorce a victim of cancer - oh that’s rich. OP is a horrible man.

Doctor here, and it happens all the time. Women are 7x more likely than men to be left after a cancer diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

If your wife is alive and well 4 years after a metastatic cancer diagnosis you have been handed a miracle and you should be more grateful.

[Anonymous]

Wine literally causes cancer. It’s sugar and it feeds the cancer basically.

[Anonymous]

Some of the things she is experiencing is very likely due to the prednisone. Echoing a previous PP, is it possible to urge her to find out if she still needs to be on it? Weaning off of that could cause some pretty dramatic changes in itself and your wife could start being the person you used to be married to, and this will resolve itself. My mother-in-law was on prednisone for awhile and it did awful things to her personality, similar to what your DW is experiencing. The weight/swelling went down, the short temper went away, etc when she stopped the prednisone.

[Anonymous]

What happened to "in sickness and in health"?

I think everyone should be allowed the time and space to recover at their own pace, instead of Dr. Google telling her how it should be done. You should absolutely communicate your concerns about the medication, but your post came across as self-serving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wine literally causes cancer. It’s sugar and it feeds the cancer basically.

FYI alcohol is indeed a known carcinogen but the part about sugar and cancer is a myth.

[Anonymous]

Some of the things she is experiencing is very likely due to the prednisone. Echoing a previous PP, is it possible to urge her to find out if she still needs to be on it? Weaning off of that could cause some pretty dramatic changes in itself and your wife could start being the person you used to be married to, and this will resolve itself. My mother-in-law was on prednisone for awhile and it did awful things to her personality, similar to what your DW is experiencing. The weight/swelling went down, the short temper went away, etc when she stopped the prednisone.

[Anonymous]

OP is a selfish jerk; typical man.

Men are babies.

Your sympathy for this poor woman and her family (which includes her husband, BTW) is a real credit to you.

Have you been there? Taken care of the kids, the housework, helped your spouse deal with the side effects of chemo all while being the primary breadwinner? Worried about losing your job and knowing that it would mean losing the health insurance that is keeping her alive?

Both men and women do this every day, and I truly feel for them. Before you say he is a baby, have you dealt with this situation. It is a yes or no question. Answer it before you laugh into any stupid "well I know that I would" or "that does matter he is still being a baby". If you have not walked this path you have no idea how hard it can be. And, yes, it can be hard for a man helping his wife battle cancer since even in the 21st century our culture often expects him to devote himself to his work in the same way he did before she got sick.

She is usually on the couch with wine by 7:00.

While I have never seen proof that wine is a carcinogen, drinking it now is very unhealthy for her. I understand she may be depressed because I have been there. However, she will feel much better and have more energy to fight her battle, if she gives up sugar altogether.