Thrivers (book), raising kids in a pressure cooker area

[Anonymous]

Has anyone read this book? It was recommended to me and some many of the descriptions of the kids remind me of kids in the DMV area. Just reading DCUM is exhausting as a parent. The expectations on kids to be perfect at every turn. Being good enough is no longer enough. The kid must be in GT/AAP, excel in EC, start sports at a young age, take tons of APs. In a highly rated public or private school, not some mediocre school! And even with all of that, college admissions are crazy hard. There was a much bigger margin of error when I was growing up. Perfection was not an expectation. According to the book’s author, something has to give because kids are experiencing record levels of depression and anxiety. They have perfect applications and resumes but are miserable and can’t function in the real world. And it’s a fine line in this area between encouraging your kids to do well and being an overbearing parent who pushes a kid too hard. Thoughts? Have you seen this? How do you handle it as a parent?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it sounds like this area. It's really weird to me. Kids are expected to be on "swim team" and swim competitively from a young age. My kid is afraid to swim. What ever happened to just learning something? Or doing something recreationally? Why does everyone have to compete, fresh out of the womb?

[Anonymous]

The parents here excelled as kids and while in college so why is it a surprise to find the best and brightest raising their kids to be the best and brightest.

[Anonymous]

I think DCUM, unfortunately (and I am as addicted as anyone) exacerbates the pressure cooker feeling.

IRL, the majority of parents I know aren't like this. There are definitely some, but the most are more laid back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents here excelled as kids and while in college so why is it a surprise to find the best and brightest raising their kids to be the best and brightest.

The author argues that because you don’t need to create this pressure cooker environment to raise the “best and brightest.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it sounds like this area. It's really weird to me. Kids are expected to be on "swim team" and swim competitively from a young age. My kid is afraid to swim. What ever happened to just learning something? Or doing something recreationally? Why does everyone have to compete, fresh out of the womb?

I see that a lot in the sports forum. Oh no my kid doesn’t excel at a sport, what do I do? Um Idk Susan, let your kid enjoy it even if it doesn’t look good on a college application?

[Anonymous]

Parents are living their dream through their kids, and it will always backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents here excelled as kids and while in college so why is it a surprise to find the best and brightest raising their kids to be the best and brightest.

At the expense of their mental health.

[Anonymous]

I heard the author discuss this book on two podcasts and it was fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard the author discuss this book on two podcasts and it was fascinating.

Which podcasts?

[Anonymous]

It’s better to let kids be intrinsically motivated (and in some cases, be patient while they get to be that way) rather than pushing them. Oh, and cut down the screens, including in school which is the biggest offender

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard the author discuss this book on two podcasts and it was fascinating.

Link?

[Anonymous]

“ What ever happened to just learning something? Or doing something recreationally? Why does everyone have to compete, fresh out of the womb?”

+1
School feels normal at least where I am in FCPS but it is the insane amount of competitiveness around activities and sports - driven in key part but the way too big schools that only let a small amount of kids play / do a given thing - that seems the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone read this book? It was recommended to me and some many of the descriptions of the kids remind me of kids in the DMV area. Just reading DCUM is exhausting as a parent. The expectations on kids to be perfect at every turn. Being good enough is no longer enough. The kid must be in GT/AAP, excel in EC, start sports at a young age, take tons of APs. In a highly rated public or private school, not some mediocre school! And even with all of that, college admissions are crazy hard. There was a much bigger margin of error when I was growing up. Perfection was not an expectation. According to the book’s author, something has to give because kids are experiencing record levels of depression and anxiety. They have perfect applications and resumes but are miserable and can’t function in the real world. And it’s a fine line in this area between encouraging your kids to do well and being an overbearing parent who pushes a kid too hard. Thoughts? Have you seen this? How do you handle it as a parent?

This is why I'm moving out of the Wootton district. My kid is just fine at school and activities, but he's not great. He's not high achieving. He's well rounded and average in many things. And living in this culture is doing a number on him. So I'm looking for something more reflective of regular American life. He will do fine in life with a career, etc. It just might take him a bit longer to get there. But I need his mental health to be solid.

Thanks for brining the book to my attention. I will check it out.

[Anonymous]

This is the reason I send my kids to private school. The dial is turned way, way down from where it was for me (I’m a millennial) while still being excellent quality and having plenty of great college admissions.