New York Times Primal Scream Project - discuss...

[Anonymous]

There is so much material here I identified with:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/02/04/parenting/working-moms-coronavirus.html

But this article especially made me both so sad and so angry. If my employer would do just one of these things, it would be a game changer. But a year in, they continue to pretend everything is normal and their only accommodation is that we are free to "make it work" by working nights and weekends, not just core business hours. I am so unbelievably tired I'm not even capable of competent work at this point. But I can't afford to lose my job and our health insurance.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/04/parenting/government-employer-support-moms.html

Primal scream indeed!

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I am incredibly privileged and have had close to full time care for my kids (except for that initial 3-month period). So it is not even "me" per se that is affected. But I seriously can't contemplate how completely our pandemic "response" has screwed over mothers (and parents to some extent) and kids without just being overcome by rage. So I just sort of avoid thinking about the topic altogether.

[Anonymous]

OMG this. We are lucky in many ways -- we are both employed, my kid is old enough that she can manage some of her DL on her own, we haven't gotten sick, I can WFH. But I haven't been able to really focus on work for a year, because I'm the primary supervisor of DL, like 90 percent. My husband bitches about it all the time, but half the time, he's in another room on a conference call or a Zoom meeting. I am ALWAYS in the same room as my kid all day. And I do all the meal planning and cooking and most of the cleaning, and all the keeping track of school stuff, and it's just so draining. I get through one day, and I have to wake up and do it all over again the next day, and the next day, and the next day. I want to check into a hotel by the beach for a week and not talk to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG this. We are lucky in many ways -- we are both employed, my kid is old enough that she can manage some of her DL on her own, we haven't gotten sick, I can WFH. But I haven't been able to really focus on work for a year, because I'm the primary supervisor of DL, like 90 percent. My husband bitches about it all the time, but half the time, he's in another room on a conference call or a Zoom meeting. I am ALWAYS in the same room as my kid all day. And I do all the meal planning and cooking and most of the cleaning, and all the keeping track of school stuff, and it's just so draining. I get through one day, and I have to wake up and do it all over again the next day, and the next day, and the next day. I want to check into a hotel by the beach for a week and not talk to anyone.

Hugs. I’m in exactly the same boat. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

^^^Yes, but the problem with just "hanging in there" is that the systemic failures are being disproportionately borne by moms & kids (and of course much more disadvantaged groups both within and outside this category). But everyone is so eff'ing exhausted, they can't do anything about it in terms of pushing systemic change. Vicious circle.

(Not a slam! I am exactly in the same position.)

[Anonymous]

I am jut so drained. I am very lucky. I am able to work from home, kids are fairly self sufficient but it’s the endless cooking, cleaning, worrying and never a minute to myself. Every single day the same thing over and over and over.

[Anonymous]

The thing is I would like to bring some of the suggestions in the article to my employer, but I know it would just raise a red flag with them and put me under more scrutiny. That’s part of what makes it so awful. Acknowledging the problem makes you a target.

Please if you are a male employer, read it all and think about changes within your company. Women need advocates here.

[Anonymous]

I only read half of it. On the can. Between meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^Yes, but the problem with just "hanging in there" is that the systemic failures are being disproportionately borne by moms & kids (and of course much more disadvantaged groups both within and outside this category). But everyone is so eff'ing exhausted, they can't do anything about it in terms of pushing systemic change. Vicious circle.

(Not a slam! I am exactly in the same position.)

I’m the PP, and it absolutely BLOWS, and all I can do is hang in there. I can’t afford to really explode or crash or whatever. I’ve made clear to my (male) boss that I’m holding on by a thread and he’s been pretty good about letting me do what I need to do. The unfairness is out of control—my husband does so little of the childcare and other invisible work—but if I blow up our relationship, as I am often tempted to do, it’s creating more problems and not really solving anything.

So...I’m just hanging in there.

[Anonymous]

I hate that they paint this to be just a women’s issue. My husband and I are both struggling. I know many other men doing their share also struggling. Painting this in black and white terms as a problem that only impacts women is not accurate.

[Anonymous]

The comment section is full of people saying the complainers shouldn’t have had children if they didn’t want to take care of them.

Yes, we should have foreseen a global pandemic shitting schools down for a year plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that they paint this to be just a women’s issue. My husband and I are both struggling. I know many other men doing their share also struggling. Painting this in black and white terms as a problem that only impacts women is not accurate.

Well one of the articles mentions that it set women in the workforce back to 1980s #s. More than a million women dropped out of the labor force.

So yes it’s framed as more of a women’s issue.

[Anonymous]

I hate that they paint this to be just a women’s issue. My husband and I are both struggling. I know many other men doing their share also struggling. Painting this in black and white terms as a problem that only impacts women is not accurate.

Why are people so afraid to say something disproportionately affects women?? It can both disproportionately affect mothers and affect many men as well (single parent Dad?) or in different, harmful ways. Doesn't mean we can't discuss the former. And the endless deflection is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Not to discount the Times but what in here impressed or validated you exactly? Isnt this article basically a vanilla and cleaned up version of DCUM threads?

[Anonymous]

Vaccinate the teachers. Then open the damn schools. - my primal scream