Letting a smoker stay with you
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DH’s brother (single, unmarried) has a leak at his apartment that needs to be fixed and he likely has to be out completely for a week or two. He asked if he can stay with us (which I am not thrilled with in general because of Covid) but my bigger issue is that he is a smoker (maybe a pack a day) and I don’t love the idea of a smoker staying with us, even though he would only be smoking outside. We have young kids and if he is going out to smoke multiple times per day he will for sure be coming back in reeking of cigarettes (I mean honestly he isn’t going to change his clothes and brush his teeth every single time).
I told DH I am not comfortable with his smoking so DH (who agrees to an extent) spoke to him and he said he can try to cut back a bit but not smoking is not possible. As an FYI, he could stay with their parents but they don’t always get along so well so he prefers to stay with us - just mentioning that since he does technically have another option. DH is inclined to let him stay, but I really am against it. Am I in the wrong here? I really despise smoking. |
Anonymous
| My similar BiL is like this. We ask him to wash his hands when he comes inside. The bigger problem is that he goes in and out when we are all sleeping so I have to leave the alarm off and he wakes us all up. |
Anonymous
| Nope, sorry. Second and third hand smoke are real things. He can stay at a hotel. He can stay with a smoker-friend. |
Anonymous
|
This is what smoking jackets are made for. Have him hang his coat outside and wash his hands AND face when he comes in.
Realistically, 2 weeks of exposure to residual smoke on your BIL is going to have zero health consequences for you or your kids. |
Anonymous
Not in a week. I'm not a smoker, but I would allow it if DH wants it. Smoking outside, of course. |
Anonymous
+1 Nope. I absolutely would not risk my family's health for this. Sorry, BIL. Quit or nope. |
Anonymous
| Why does it matter that he's not married? You said it twice, so it must be very important to you. |
Anonymous
| Do you have basement where he could just stay on one level of your house and not interact if wanting to completely avoid the smoke? Pitching as his own pad? |
Anonymous
I don't know what you mean by the bolded statement. When I am around smokers, I feel it. My throat hurts, I get a headache, my eyes hurt. I am very sensitive to smoke. |
Anonymous
|
Absolutely not, never. It lingers on clothes, hairs, skin, etc. It's going to stay on your furniture and walls, even if they're not smoking in your home.
|
Anonymous
|
As long as he's smoking outside, I wouldn't worry about health effects, especially over such a brief period.
It's great if he can cut back, but I wouldn't count on it. Even if he does, his idea of cutting back might not match yours. The smell that lingers on his clothes, while unpleasant, isn't likely to harm your children. Speaking as someone who grew up around smokers, it will most likely confirm for them that smoking is yucky. COVID might be a reason to refuse hospitality, but I don't think the smoking issue is (assuming he's willing to smoke outside). |
Anonymous
| We had an au pair who smoked, outside only. Second hand smoke is a real thing. Thirdhand smoke from a person's clothes really is not. |
Anonymous
Where did I say it twice - the main reason I wrote it is to say it’s just him, not him plus someone else who needs to stay from an imposition standpoint. |
Anonymous
| What is third hand smoke? |
Anonymous
Surfaces. It’s lingers on clothes, which get on furniture. Then kids touch a chair and eat a snack without washing hands. |