Letting a smoker stay with you

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I don’t dislike BIL and we have a fine relationship. I just really don’t like smoking, especially around my kids. I don’t think we will have health issues in such a short time, but our yard isn’t huge and my kids, ages 7 and 4, are going to see him since he will be going in and out every 30 mins. I can suggest a trench and of course to wash hands but I don’t want the stench getting into my sofa, sheets, etc.

If he had no other option I would be more sympathetic, but his parents are more than happy to have him stay there, he just thinks they are annoying and would rather hang with DH for a week.

[Anonymous]

A week or two? No. It doesn't matter what precautions you have him take--smoking jacket, washing face and hands, etc. At some point during the stay he will start to relax on following your rules. I speak from experience. We have 2 relatives that smoke and both have stayed with us pre-Covid. BOTH ended up sneaking cigs in the house in the middle of the night. Never again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG so many insanely panicky people. A week of second hand or third-hand smoke is NOT GOING TO IMPACT YOUR HEALTH. Stop this nonsense. Plenty of people grew up in households with both parents smoking a pack every day inside and lived to tell about it. I can't stand ignorant people. You all eat the meat from the grocery store, right? It's bound to be more harmful to you than OP's BIL staying with her for a week.

+1 billion
There's so many ignorant people around it's sad. Yes, the lingering smell is unpleasant, I get it, but if you're not directly inhaling the smoke, nothing's going to happen to your precious health after 7 days.

Seriously - there were people who did not smoke when the vast majority of society did in the 20th century and they did not have their eyes fall out, etc. I can understand not liking the smell, but I often don't like the smell of other people's perfumes and I sure as heck do not like the smell of scented candles, diffusers, etc., but I can live through it when I visit family.

If you don't like him, fine. But if he only smokes outside and really needs a place to stay for one week, get over yourself, OP.

NP - I’ll just tell my asthma, which is triggered in part by cigarette smoke, to take a weeks vacation, shall I?

Nothing will happen if someone smokes outside, then comes back inside. Yes, they smell bad, but that is mostly all. Yes, 3rd hand smoke is a thing but not a concern in that little a stay. JFC!!!

[Anonymous]

What are the risks of third hand smoke over the long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, never. It lingers on clothes, hairs, skin, etc. It's going to stay on your furniture and walls, even if they're not smoking in your home.

Oh good grief. This will not happen.

Op, do you typically have intolerable reactions to being in the presence of someone who has smoked cigarettes? If so, tell him that and say no. If you just dislike the smell of smoke on a person, and therefore refuse to let him stay, tell him that.

But don't pretend you're saying no because of the kids ( they will not be harmed) or permanent damage to your house (your house will be fine). You'll sound like a crazy person either way, so just be honest.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is OK for your kids to see him smoking! What are you worried about? Realistically, what do think will happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, it is OK for your kids to see him smoking! What are you worried about? Realistically, what do think will happen?

They will start puffing on his cigarettes immediately, of course. Their life will never be the same.

This whole thread is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

No way!! A smoker smell is near impossible to get rid of. No way! I had a smoker in my car one time few years back and it was like hitting a skunk- style odor stayed in my car for a week. I don’t even know how it’s possible for an odor from something that floats in the air to stick so long and strong.
I would say I love helping u out- but the smoker smell is way too hard to get rid of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard no. That is disgusting.

Not nearly as disgusting as not helping your brother in the time of need.

He doesn't "need" to stay with OP. He could stay with his parents or stay in a hotel. He is trying to invite himself to live with her for 2 weeks (probably longer, since that's how these things work) and she has every right to say no way. Smoker or not, pandemic or not. But ESPECIALLY not when it's a smoker. Ew.

[Anonymous]

Why isn’t his landlord paying for him to stay somewhere while his apartment is uninhabitable? When we were renters the oil company ruptured the line in our basement resulting in a substantial amount of oil in our basement—you could smell it from the street. We went to a hotel and submitted the receipt to our landlord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A week or two? No. It doesn't matter what precautions you have him take--smoking jacket, washing face and hands, etc. At some point during the stay he will start to relax on following your rules. I speak from experience. We have 2 relatives that smoke and both have stayed with us pre-Covid. BOTH ended up sneaking cigs in the house in the middle of the night. Never again!

Well, you've got crappy family members.

My MIL smokes, and my aunt does as well. Aunt has only stayed with us one time, but she was respectful of house rules.

My MIL stays with us at least 3 times a year, and she's never lit up in the house.

The brother belongs the benefit of the doubt that he would follow house rules.

The fact that people would even consider abandoning a family member over a habit is just shocking to me. I feel so bad for OP's husband and brother. That's a sad family dynamic

[Anonymous]

Its 1-2 weeks. Of course you let him stay. No one gets cancer from being around someone who smokes (away from you) for two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the risks of third hand smoke over the long term?

If you move into the home of someone who smoked heavily for a long time and do not replace rugs/repaint etc the risk is real. Other than that, it is imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t dislike BIL and we have a fine relationship. I just really don’t like smoking, especially around my kids. I don’t think we will have health issues in such a short time, but our yard isn’t huge and my kids, ages 7 and 4, are going to see him since he will be going in and out every 30 mins. I can suggest a trench and of course to wash hands but I don’t want the stench getting into my sofa, sheets, etc.

If he had no other option I would be more sympathetic, but his parents are more than happy to have him stay there, he just thinks they are annoying and would rather hang with DH for a week.

I think you're being incredibly dramatic and overreacting. And I'm not a smoker.

[Anonymous]

This is dumb. It's just two weeks, don't be so dramatic. Pre-covid times, I had a relative, who was a smoker, intermittently living in our basement for over a year. He always smoked outside, but yes you could usually smell it on him when he was in close proximity. None of us got sick or suffered any ill effects. And I had a baby during that time period. Gasp!