Letting a smoker stay with you

[Anonymous]

I would not even consider saying no to this request. Just be honest —you don’t like the brother.

I feel badly for your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter that he's not married? You said it twice, so it must be very important to you.

It matters because it means there’s only one person staying at their house. If he was married he would need to bring his spouse.

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal. The smell will not linger in your house if he is smoking outside. Don't know where people are coming up with that nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whaaaaaa? The guy is smoking OUTSIDE. How is this a dealbreaker? I mean, sure, it's a bit smelly when they come in, but it's kind of an emergency. I can't imagine having such a stick up my butt that I tried to get a family member to quit smoking before visiting me.

I agree. Compared to other pollutants people are exposed to it is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Smokers stink. I can smell it on their clothes, breath, everything. I would say no. If he can't afford a hotel, can you offer to pay?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't! Not due to any health concerns, but because my house would REEK for a week. A pack a day smoker coming in and out? For seven days? Nope. I've turned down contractors who smell like smoke because I seriously can't take the smell.

And I'm not some sanctimonious B. I used to smoke! But hated the smell even then and would change clothes, wash hands and face, brush teeth, wear a hat, yada yada.

If he can stay at his parents, but you let him in your house despite your misgivings, you're putting his own comfort/preferences above yours - not necessarily a bad thing, but know your own risk of feeling resentment going into it. If you let him stay with you, set the ground rules that you feel comfortable with, but then don't stew in your juices after you've welcomed him.

[Anonymous]

I would hate this — BUT I would probably give in.

[Anonymous]

Understand why you don't like it, but seriously, it's only a week, and he would be smoking outdoors. The health impacts from him smoking outside while staying with you seem really minimal.

[Anonymous]

He is family. He is in a problem. You can help. It's annoying, but be a decent human. Just let him know of your rules about a smoking jacket and washing hands, it's ONE week.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand these posters. We are in the middle of a pandemic. Can you trust him to fully quarantine for 14 days before he comes? Meaning, he does not even go to the store? If not, then his presence in your house could literally kill you. It is completely fine to say no the house guests right now.

[Anonymous]

TL/DR
1-2 weeks of 2nd or 3rd hand smoke will not harm your kids. Your attitude will though.
He is their uncle, you can help without nagging and be a good example to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG so many insanely panicky people. A week of second hand or third-hand smoke is NOT GOING TO IMPACT YOUR HEALTH. Stop this nonsense. Plenty of people grew up in households with both parents smoking a pack every day inside and lived to tell about it. I can't stand ignorant people. You all eat the meat from the grocery store, right? It's bound to be more harmful to you than OP's BIL staying with her for a week.

+1 billion
There's so many ignorant people around it's sad. Yes, the lingering smell is unpleasant, I get it, but if you're not directly inhaling the smoke, nothing's going to happen to your precious health after 7 days.

Seriously - there were people who did not smoke when the vast majority of society did in the 20th century and they did not have their eyes fall out, etc. I can understand not liking the smell, but I often don't like the smell of other people's perfumes and I sure as heck do not like the smell of scented candles, diffusers, etc., but I can live through it when I visit family.

If you don't like him, fine. But if he only smokes outside and really needs a place to stay for one week, get over yourself, OP.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG so many insanely panicky people. A week of second hand or third-hand smoke is NOT GOING TO IMPACT YOUR HEALTH. Stop this nonsense. Plenty of people grew up in households with both parents smoking a pack every day inside and lived to tell about it. I can't stand ignorant people. You all eat the meat from the grocery store, right? It's bound to be more harmful to you than OP's BIL staying with her for a week.

+1 billion
There's so many ignorant people around it's sad. Yes, the lingering smell is unpleasant, I get it, but if you're not directly inhaling the smoke, nothing's going to happen to your precious health after 7 days.

Seriously - there were people who did not smoke when the vast majority of society did in the 20th century and they did not have their eyes fall out, etc. I can understand not liking the smell, but I often don't like the smell of other people's perfumes and I sure as heck do not like the smell of scented candles, diffusers, etc., but I can live through it when I visit family.

If you don't like him, fine. But if he only smokes outside and really needs a place to stay for one week, get over yourself, OP.

NP - I’ll just tell my asthma, which is triggered in part by cigarette smoke, to take a weeks vacation, shall I?

[Anonymous]

The covid situation would give me pause, but I would never say no in regards to the smoking issue for a family member in need, with the caveat that all smoking must be outdoors.

[Anonymous]

My coworker has a big trench coat she wears to smoke in in the winter. She takes it off before coming inside. It really does keep the smell down. And she washes her hands.