Letting a smoker stay with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t dislike BIL and we have a fine relationship. I just really don’t like smoking, especially around my kids. I don’t think we will have health issues in such a short time, but our yard isn’t huge and my kids, ages 7 and 4, are going to see him since he will be going in and out every 30 mins. I can suggest a trench and of course to wash hands but I don’t want the stench getting into my sofa, sheets, etc.

If he had no other option I would be more sympathetic, but his parents are more than happy to have him stay there, he just thinks they are annoying and would rather hang with DH for a week.

I think you're being incredibly dramatic and overreacting. And I'm not a smoker.

One of my parents passed away young because of problems caused by their smoking. I HATE smoking, not smokers. I have seen how hard it is it quit and how much socially acceptable it was earlier to smoke.

Yeah, your kids might see their uncle smoking, then talk to them and explain what it is and why it's bad. They will have ZERO health issues because of it. On the other hand, they'll see that the slightest dislike or inconvenience is enough for you to not help your own family. People talk about helping others, charity, thanksgiving, blah bhah blah, when deep down they are purely selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t his landlord paying for him to stay somewhere while his apartment is uninhabitable? When we were renters the oil company ruptured the line in our basement resulting in a substantial amount of oil in our basement—you could smell it from the street. We went to a hotel and submitted the receipt to our landlord.

This. Being out of a rental for a week or two makes no sense and sounds like my crazy ass brother who is always looking for a "place to stay" and then there is no end date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t dislike BIL and we have a fine relationship. I just really don’t like smoking, especially around my kids. I don’t think we will have health issues in such a short time, but our yard isn’t huge and my kids, ages 7 and 4, are going to see him since he will be going in and out every 30 mins. I can suggest a trench and of course to wash hands but I don’t want the stench getting into my sofa, sheets, etc.

If he had no other option I would be more sympathetic, but his parents are more than happy to have him stay there, he just thinks they are annoying and would rather hang with DH for a week.

I think you're being incredibly dramatic and overreacting. And I'm not a smoker.

One of my parents passed away young because of problems caused by their smoking. I HATE smoking, not smokers. I have seen how hard it is it quit and how much socially acceptable it was earlier to smoke.

Yeah, your kids might see their uncle smoking, then talk to them and explain what it is and why it's bad. They will have ZERO health issues because of it. On the other hand, they'll see that the slightest dislike or inconvenience is enough for you to not help your own family. People talk about helping others, charity, thanksgiving, blah bhah blah, when deep down they are purely selfish.

You all are bananas. BIL can stay with parents or stay in a hotel. He’s not going to be on the street.

Renters insurance or apartment should actually cover the cost of the hotel stay, so that alone is weird.

It’s january. He will smoke in the house, probably bathroom with a window. Cravings too much but going out in the dark and cold b/c of his anal SIL will not fly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t dislike BIL and we have a fine relationship. I just really don’t like smoking, especially around my kids. I don’t think we will have health issues in such a short time, but our yard isn’t huge and my kids, ages 7 and 4, are going to see him since he will be going in and out every 30 mins. I can suggest a trench and of course to wash hands but I don’t want the stench getting into my sofa, sheets, etc.

If he had no other option I would be more sympathetic, but his parents are more than happy to have him stay there, he just thinks they are annoying and would rather hang with DH for a week.

I think you're being incredibly dramatic and overreacting. And I'm not a smoker.

One of my parents passed away young because of problems caused by their smoking. I HATE smoking, not smokers. I have seen how hard it is it quit and how much socially acceptable it was earlier to smoke.

Yeah, your kids might see their uncle smoking, then talk to them and explain what it is and why it's bad. They will have ZERO health issues because of it. On the other hand, they'll see that the slightest dislike or inconvenience is enough for you to not help your own family. People talk about helping others, charity, thanksgiving, blah bhah blah, when deep down they are purely selfish.

You all are bananas. BIL can stay with parents or stay in a hotel. He’s not going to be on the street.

Renters insurance or apartment should actually cover the cost of the hotel stay, so that alone is weird.

It’s january. He will smoke in the house, probably bathroom with a window. Cravings too much but going out in the dark and cold b/c of his anal SIL will not fly.

Unless he's smoked in the house before, BIL 100% deserves the benefit of the doubt. Sure, its January, but its 40 degrees out. You don't even need a coat to step outside for less than 5 minutes. And more to the point, a good family member respects house rules, even if it inconveniences them. I know my family members do, and I do when I visit their homes, etc.

and of course, he COULD stay in a hotel. But this is bigger than that. This is DH's brother. A chance to help, and spend some QT together.

The fact that OP may say no based on a slight odor is just horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t dislike BIL and we have a fine relationship. I just really don’t like smoking, especially around my kids. I don’t think we will have health issues in such a short time, but our yard isn’t huge and my kids, ages 7 and 4, are going to see him since he will be going in and out every 30 mins. I can suggest a trench and of course to wash hands but I don’t want the stench getting into my sofa, sheets, etc.

If he had no other option I would be more sympathetic, but his parents are more than happy to have him stay there, he just thinks they are annoying and would rather hang with DH for a week.

I think you're being incredibly dramatic and overreacting. And I'm not a smoker.

One of my parents passed away young because of problems caused by their smoking. I HATE smoking, not smokers. I have seen how hard it is it quit and how much socially acceptable it was earlier to smoke.

Yeah, your kids might see their uncle smoking, then talk to them and explain what it is and why it's bad. They will have ZERO health issues because of it. On the other hand, they'll see that the slightest dislike or inconvenience is enough for you to not help your own family. People talk about helping others, charity, thanksgiving, blah bhah blah, when deep down they are purely selfish.

You all are bananas. BIL can stay with parents or stay in a hotel. He’s not going to be on the street.

Renters insurance or apartment should actually cover the cost of the hotel stay, so that alone is weird.

It’s january. He will smoke in the house, probably bathroom with a window. Cravings too much but going out in the dark and cold b/c of his anal SIL will not fly.

How do you know that he'll smoke in the house?? Projecting something?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't mind. Don't most of you have co-workers who smoke? Pre-pandemic you probably sat in office buildings with them every day. The risk is so minute it wouldn't' even register to me.