Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]

[Anonymous]

Growing up, my mom hated being called "she." I mostly remember it in the context of one of our many arguments. If I said to my dad "It's not fair, she said I can't go to the pool with my friend!" My mom would interject " I am not SHE, I'm your mother." And she'd also do it in a calmer situation like if my brother asked where's mom and I said "She's in the kitchen," she'd come in with " 'MOM' is in the kitchen" to correct me.

I hadn't heard her say that in a long time, but recently she said it to my 8 year old son. He saw her do something funny and was retelling it to dad and grandpa. My mom interjected sternly at least twice to correct him ("Not SHE, say Grandma." "I'm your grandmother, not SHE.")
It would have sounded odd and redundant if ds had said " Grandma" multiple times in his short story. It wasn't an offensive story, and she enjoyed it otherwise.

What gives? Is this a manners thing, or just her?

[Anonymous]

I sorta get it - esp if it feels otherwise disrespectful. she's a person, not a function maybe?

[Anonymous]

Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

[Anonymous]

Yes she thought you were being disrespectful and dismissive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sorta get it - esp if it feels otherwise disrespectful. she's a person, not a function maybe?

Op. I only get it if as a child I had said it with a tone of derision, which I am sure I did at times.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, it's a bit weird. I wonder if your grandmother had a reason to be super defensive about being disrespected. I can get why an overburdened wife/mom would get annoyed at being called "she." Or maybe it's an arcane rule she learned about respecting elders and authority figures?

The only slightly similar thing I can think of is my stepmother (a paradigmatic evil stepmother) would get mad about being referred to as "your stepmother." She lost her sh*t at my sister's wedding when the wedding photographer (who was a non-native English speaker to boot) referred to her as "the stepmother" when arranging the pictures. As in "let's get this picture with the father, the stepmother, and the brothers and sisters."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

Huh. Op again. In your house, you never say he/she? If someone says where'd dad go? You answer "Dad went to the store. Dad said we need milk so Dad can make breakfast in the morning." You wouldn't replace any of those n" dad's" with " he? "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

Huh. Op again. In your house, you never say he/she? If someone says where'd dad go? You answer "Dad went to the store. Dad said we need milk so Dad can make breakfast in the morning." You wouldn't replace any of those n" dad's" with " he? "

Op again. Ok. Let's say Dad is in the other room, not the store, and he can hear you...

[Anonymous]

NP. My father would stick up for my mother this way. Usually it came up in an argument - “But she said I could...” and my father would quickly respond in her defense - “THAT’S YOUR MOTHER, not *SHE*!”

It was such a simple gesture of respect for his partner of 60 years. I miss them both.

[Anonymous]

My mother was like this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my mom hated being called "she." I mostly remember it in the context of one of our many arguments. If I said to my dad "It's not fair, she said I can't go to the pool with my friend!" My mom would interject " I am not SHE, I'm your mother." And she'd also do it in a calmer situation like if my brother asked where's mom and I said "She's in the kitchen," she'd come in with " 'MOM' is in the kitchen" to correct me.

I hadn't heard her say that in a long time, but recently she said it to my 8 year old son. He saw her do something funny and was retelling it to dad and grandpa. My mom interjected sternly at least twice to correct him ("Not SHE, say Grandma." "I'm your grandmother, not SHE.")
It would have sounded odd and redundant if ds had said " Grandma" multiple times in his short story. It wasn't an offensive story, and she enjoyed it otherwise.

What gives? Is this a manners thing, or just her?

My mother is the exact same way. I suspect it is because she is incredibly insecure and has anxiety, but her hang ups are exhausting. If your mother is like mine you have my sympathy.

[Anonymous]

I’m very much like this. It’s disrespectful

[Anonymous]

An old woman who showed up unexpectedly did this at my DC IEP meeting, and I wasn't even addressing her. She lost her sh*t, started yelling and demanded I use the name instead. I continued on without doing so, because she was incredibly rude and hostile, and then asked her to leave if she couldn't get her behavior together and stop interrupting DH and I when we were speaking. It was very odd to the point that she seemed mentally unstable.

[Anonymous]

My mom was like this and honestly I’m too. I hate when people refer to other people simply as their pronoun and not their name. It is dismissive and disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this and honestly I’m too. I hate when people refer to other people simply as their pronoun and not their name. It is dismissive and disrespectful.

Really???

This is bizarre.