Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]

[Anonymous]

My kids call us by our first names 80% of the time. It’s not a teenage rebellion thing - they are 4 and 6. I don’t mind it and I introduce myself to their friends by my first name. Sometimes other parents ask if it bugs me - and it does not. I appreciate them using my name. I am a whole person, not just a mom. My husband doesn’t call me “wife”, he uses my name. If they decide to just call me Mom 100% of the time, I won’t correct them because I know they do it affectionately, but I like them using my name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this and honestly I’m too. I hate when people refer to other people simply as their pronoun and not their name. It is dismissive and disrespectful.

But OP's mother is taking it to an extreme--to insist on it when the noun has ALREADY been used in THE SAME SENTENCE or when someone is giving a brief response to a question where the name or title was used it bordering on pathological.

[Anonymous]

My mother would say the same thing as the op's mom, word for word.
I thought it was weird as a kid, especially as I became a grammar nerd and understood what "antecedent" meant.
I got a very angry "mind your manners, young lady" for trying to tell them about "correct grammar".

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure what is weirder—you mom or the alarming number of people on this thread agreeing with her. So bizarre. Of course she is a perfectly acceptable way to address someone so you don’t have to say their name over and over. Whoever finds it disrespectful needs to get on meds.

[Anonymous]

I think it's an anachronistic etiquette violation. But the same rule applies then as now and for people like OP's mom and people who state their pronouns -- do your best to call/refer to people the way they prefer. If you slip up, just apologize and try to do better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very much like this. It’s disrespectful

No, not always. You are choosing to take offense to something where offense isn’t meant. Do you have BPD? Are you a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what is weirder—you mom or the alarming number of people on this thread agreeing with her. So bizarre. Of course she is a perfectly acceptable way to address someone so you don’t have to say their name over and over. Whoever finds it disrespectful needs to get on meds.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, my aunt made similar remarks to me.

I'm with you, OP. To me, referring to someone as "he" or "she" is not disrespectful at all, but apparently others feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's an anachronistic etiquette violation. But the same rule applies then as now and for people like OP's mom and people who state their pronouns -- do your best to call/refer to people the way they prefer. If you slip up, just apologize and try to do better next time.

This. My now 86yo mom was big on this. Just once I very carefully explained my use in the context of the sentence and she laid off, but I was very cautious about using "she" all my life, and it's stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my mom hated being called "she." I mostly remember it in the context of one of our many arguments. If I said to my dad "It's not fair, she said I can't go to the pool with my friend!" My mom would interject " I am not SHE, I'm your mother." And she'd also do it in a calmer situation like if my brother asked where's mom and I said "She's in the kitchen," she'd come in with " 'MOM' is in the kitchen" to correct me.

I hadn't heard her say that in a long time, but recently she said it to my 8 year old son. He saw her do something funny and was retelling it to dad and grandpa. My mom interjected sternly at least twice to correct him ("Not SHE, say Grandma." "I'm your grandmother, not SHE.")
It would have sounded odd and redundant if ds had said " Grandma" multiple times in his short story. It wasn't an offensive story, and she enjoyed it otherwise.

What gives? Is this a manners thing, or just her?

With respect to your son, as your son learning to speak and use pronouns correctly, your mother needs to just deal with it. Your mother is teaching you son to speak incorrectly, and your son will run into problems in your son's future if your son speaks this way.

(See how ridiculous it is when you omit pronouns?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

Yes. This is basic respect, Manners 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

Huh. Op again. In your house, you never say he/she? If someone says where'd dad go? You answer "Dad went to the store. Dad said we need milk so Dad can make breakfast in the morning." You wouldn't replace any of those n" dad's" with " he? "

Op again. Ok. Let's say Dad is in the other room, not the store, and he can hear you...

If Dad is in the other room and not at the store, then you say, "Dad is in the family room."

If Dad is at the store, you say "He went to the store. He said we need milk to make breakfast in the morning."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this and honestly I’m too. I hate when people refer to other people simply as their pronoun and not their name. It is dismissive and disrespectful.

Really???

This is bizarre.

It's not bizarre. It's basic manners.

https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/2587/is-it-rude-to-refer-to-someone-as-he-or-she-in-their-presence#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20referring%20to,about%20them%2C%20not%20with%20them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very much like this. It’s disrespectful

Pronouns are disrespectful?

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't refer to someone in the 3rd person if they are right there. I guess your mom thought that since she's in hearing distance of the conversation, you shouldn't refer to her as "she" but by her name/title.