Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]

[Anonymous]

Your mom doesn't want to be referred to in the third person. It has nothing to do with the use of "she" or a gendered pronoun. She wants to be recognized by her own name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom doesn't want to be referred to in the third person. It has nothing to do with the use of "she" or a gendered pronoun. She wants to be recognized by her own name.

Well she needs to learn to grow up and be an adult. You don’t get to demand what words other people use when they are talking to someone else. That discussion is being had by the two people involved and it is very rude to butt in just to correct something that is a completely normal and proper in the english language. Mom is modeling very rude and obnoxious behavior all in the name of “respect”. It’s pretty blatantly hypocritical. People don’t get a free pass to be rude and demanding just because they don’t like a simple word choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom doesn't want to be referred to in the third person. It has nothing to do with the use of "she" or a gendered pronoun. She wants to be recognized by her own name.

Well she needs to learn to grow up and be an adult. You don’t get to demand what words other people use when they are talking to someone else. That discussion is being had by the two people involved and it is very rude to butt in just to correct something that is a completely normal and proper in the english language. Mom is modeling very rude and obnoxious behavior all in the name of “respect”. It’s pretty blatantly hypocritical. People don’t get a free pass to be rude and demanding just because they don’t like a simple word choice.

Uh, she is a mom instructing her child in correct grammar. The mother obviously understands grammar for the "english" (sic) language, something that you and OP clearly don't.

[Anonymous]

Folks imagine you’re in a work meeting with your coworker Grandma across the table. If you’re describing something Grandma did or said you’re going to use her name not say “she” when she’s right in front of you. Even if she’s the only other woman at the table. It’s basic politeness.

[Anonymous]

This brought back a long ago memory. My third grade teacher (she was Irish if it matters, this was at a British school overseas) hated if anyone referred to her as “she.” She would say “who is she, the cat’s pajamas?” Which in retrospect makes no sense. She felt it was disrespectful, especially when the person is right there. I’ve internalized it and never refer to someone in the third person when they are there. It does feel a touch disrespectful.

Though on he flip side, nothing more disrespectful than shrilly correcting someone right in front of everyone else. If something bothers her, she should politely ask to the person to refer to her another way at a private time, if she doesn’t want to be a hypocrite 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom doesn't want to be referred to in the third person. It has nothing to do with the use of "she" or a gendered pronoun. She wants to be recognized by her own name.

Well she needs to learn to grow up and be an adult. You don’t get to demand what words other people use when they are talking to someone else. That discussion is being had by the two people involved and it is very rude to butt in just to correct something that is a completely normal and proper in the english language. Mom is modeling very rude and obnoxious behavior all in the name of “respect”. It’s pretty blatantly hypocritical. People don’t get a free pass to be rude and demanding just because they don’t like a simple word choice.

Uh, she is a mom instructing her child in correct grammar. The mother obviously understands grammar for the "english" (sic) language, something that you and OP clearly don't.

While you were busy editing my post for something to self righteously shove in my face you missed the core concept that I was describing. Being snitty and butting into a conversation is rude behavior as well. Try doing that to anyone that you respect and see what reaction you get. You cannot deny that kids will model the behavior of adults that they spend time with. Why would you want to train your daughter to be a self righteous and demanding rude person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too bad so many people on here don't want their horizons broadened. This isn't old-fashioned. It's just very basic manners. To the PP who feels like it's a stand in so you're not repeating the name over and over again, try to test it out. In most instances, it's one reference, then neither a name or pronoun is called for again. Once you start working on this, you won't believe you ever did it the wrong before.

Op here. This is all so interesting, and I have never heard of anyone but my mom feeling this way.

Pp, I guess I don't understand why "neither a name or pronoun is called for again" after the first reference. I must be missing something.

Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then she gave him a piece! And then she asked me if she could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! " (Imagine an 8 year old telling this story out loud in that way that kids get a kick out of odd little things).


So, you're saying each "she" should be replaced with "Grandma?" That would sound very strange to my ear.

Try this: Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then gave him a piece! And then asked me if she (yes, this use of it is fine) could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and (see here how you didn't repeat the pronoun again?) said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! "

It's just quite clear how and when to use the person's name, when you don't need to repeat the subject at all, and when it's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks imagine you’re in a work meeting with your coworker Grandma across the table. If you’re describing something Grandma did or said you’re going to use her name not say “she” when she’s right in front of you. Even if she’s the only other woman at the table. It’s basic politeness.

There is a difference between being in a group conversation with the subject versus being overheard having a simple exchange with another person. Calling out “she is in the living room” is basic practical communication not a formal discussion.

[Anonymous]

I can see if she’s literally in the room and part of the discussion. But answering “She’s in the other room” is absolutely not rude. We teach kids to use pronouns to avoid redundancies. It’s just practical, efficient communication. I’m not overruling those standard grammar lessons so mom can feel like the center of the universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see if she’s literally in the room and part of the discussion. But answering “She’s in the other room” is absolutely not rude. We teach kids to use pronouns to avoid redundancies. It’s just practical, efficient communication. I’m not overruling those standard grammar lessons so mom can feel like the center of the universe.

But that’s not what’s happening here if grandma can hear the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Regardless of what YOU think of it, OP, you should teach your son to address or refer to his grandmother as she wants to be addressed or referred to when he is in her presence. That is the polite thing to do. You want to train your son to be polite and respectful of his elders, right!?!

No, I don't agree that it is the polite thing to do. If my son's grandmother asked for him not to do something generally considered rude in our society, like calling a grandparent by their first name, sure, I would expect and tell him not to. If she expected to be called something not generally considered necessary for good manners in our culture, like "her royal highness," I would not expect or tell him to.

Way to take it to the extreme. Well done!

You do realize that she isn't asking to be called "her royal highness", right!?! She is asking for her grandchild to be grammatically correct when addressing her. Why on earth would you oppose that?

People like you are actually more of the problem than people like OP's mom because people like you think that it is okay to make things up and then want everyone else to dance on your dime. Sheesh.

First off, it's not when addressing grandma, it's when addressing someone else and grandma is within earshot. Second, it is not grammatically correct to replace pronouns with "grandma."

If I could quote someone else in this thread who has shown herself to be a halfwit but did get one thing correct, "People like you are actually more of the problem than people like OP's mom because people like you think that it is okay to make things up and then want everyone else to dance on your dime. Sheesh."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too bad so many people on here don't want their horizons broadened. This isn't old-fashioned. It's just very basic manners. To the PP who feels like it's a stand in so you're not repeating the name over and over again, try to test it out. In most instances, it's one reference, then neither a name or pronoun is called for again. Once you start working on this, you won't believe you ever did it the wrong before.

Op here. This is all so interesting, and I have never heard of anyone but my mom feeling this way.

Pp, I guess I don't understand why "neither a name or pronoun is called for again" after the first reference. I must be missing something.

Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then she gave him a piece! And then she asked me if she could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! " (Imagine an 8 year old telling this story out loud in that way that kids get a kick out of odd little things).


So, you're saying each "she" should be replaced with "Grandma?" That would sound very strange to my ear.

Try this: Guess what Grandma did? Grandma told the dog that he can't have any Thanksgiving turkey, but then gave him a piece! And then asked me if she (yes, this use of it is fine) could give Fido more and I said sure, so she gave him another piece and the gravy spoon to lick and (see here how you didn't repeat the pronoun again?) said 'Happy Thanksgiving Fido! "

It's just quite clear how and when to use the person's name, when you don't need to repeat the subject at all, and when it's okay.

There is absolutely no reason the second "Grandma" shouldn't be "she" in this paragraph, and if you think it would be rude you are searching for things to get upset about.

[Anonymous]

I have an older aunt who would reply "who's she, the cat's mother" every time someone used a pronoun.

[Anonymous]

All I can think of now is a little old lady with a name tag that says “my preferred pronoun is GRANDMA”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my mom hated being called "she." I mostly remember it in the context of one of our many arguments. If I said to my dad "It's not fair, she said I can't go to the pool with my friend!" My mom would interject " I am not SHE, I'm your mother." And she'd also do it in a calmer situation like if my brother asked where's mom and I said "She's in the kitchen," she'd come in with " 'MOM' is in the kitchen" to correct me.

I hadn't heard her say that in a long time, but recently she said it to my 8 year old son. He saw her do something funny and was retelling it to dad and grandpa. My mom interjected sternly at least twice to correct him ("Not SHE, say Grandma." "I'm your grandmother, not SHE.")
It would have sounded odd and redundant if ds had said " Grandma" multiple times in his short story. It wasn't an offensive story, and she enjoyed it otherwise.

What gives? Is this a manners thing, or just her?

She sees it as disrespectful, I guess. Which is silly and stupid, imo.