Strange preference - not being called "she" [not a gender issue]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

Yes. This is basic respect, Manners 101.

No pronouns, at all? That's silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

Yes. This is basic respect, Manners 101.

No pronouns, at all? That's silly.

No, not no pronouns at all - using the person's name in the first instance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's an anachronistic etiquette violation. But the same rule applies then as now and for people like OP's mom and people who state their pronouns -- do your best to call/refer to people the way they prefer. If you slip up, just apologize and try to do better next time.

This. My now 86yo mom was big on this. Just once I very carefully explained my use in the context of the sentence and she laid off, but I was very cautious about using "she" all my life, and it's stuck.

+1. Another this. My grandmother was a big stickler on not using “ she” . I always thought it was just her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. My father would stick up for my mother this way. Usually it came up in an argument - “But she said I could...” and my father would quickly respond in her defense - “THAT’S YOUR MOTHER, not *SHE*!”

It was such a simple gesture of respect for his partner of 60 years. I miss them both.

+1

[Anonymous]

Old fashioned etiquette.

She is the cat's mother.

https://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2011/04/cats-mother.html

[Anonymous]

It is weird and oddly old-fashioned. It's not an insult, you are an adult, accept being referred to by your pronoun.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard of this before. People get offended by the oddest things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what is weirder—you mom or the alarming number of people on this thread agreeing with her. So bizarre. Of course she is a perfectly acceptable way to address someone so you don’t have to say their name over and over. Whoever finds it disrespectful needs to get on meds.

Not very tactful, but I kind of agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

It's exactly this- manners. I catch myself sometimes because I did not learn this when I was growing up. It comes fairly naturally now. Good habit to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what is weirder—you mom or the alarming number of people on this thread agreeing with her. So bizarre. Of course she is a perfectly acceptable way to address someone so you don’t have to say their name over and over. Whoever finds it disrespectful needs to get on meds.

If proper manners aren't a part of your life, that's fine. I assure you, those of us who do not call someone "he" or "she" when they are in the same room or even part of the conversation do not need meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, I get it too. If SHE can hear you, then you should use her name instead of the pronoun.

+1. That’s basic politeness. If She is standing there in the same room, you refer to her as mom or by name, not in third person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's an anachronistic etiquette violation. But the same rule applies then as now and for people like OP's mom and people who state their pronouns -- do your best to call/refer to people the way they prefer. If you slip up, just apologize and try to do better next time.

This. My now 86yo mom was big on this. Just once I very carefully explained my use in the context of the sentence and she laid off, but I was very cautious about using "she" all my life, and it's stuck.

+1. Another this. My grandmother was a big stickler on not using “ she” . I always thought it was just her!

My mother was like this as well. My mother would say "she is what we call the cow" -- and no, my mother was not raised on a farm.

[Anonymous]

My mother is the same way. Some people like to use grammar and etiquette as a weapon. Then they claim to not understand why others don't enjoy their company.

I was talking to my brother in the kitchen, no idea where in the house our mother was. After he asked what mom wants to drink, I replied, "She wants water not milk." My mother screamed from some other room,"I'm not a she." I said, "You are when you are not part of the conversation and could be accused of eavesdropping."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old fashioned etiquette.

She is the cat's mother.

https://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2011/04/cats-mother.html

But even here it's not a universal substitution requirement, the reproof is only used under rude/unclear circumstances:

The Oxford English Dictionary says the catchphrase “Who’s she—the cat’s mother?” (or some variation thereof) is “said to one (esp. a child) who uses the pronoun of the third person singular impolitely or with inadequate reference.”

I think that's very different from what most people here are describing, which seems more like an insecure or controlling action rather than a reminder to speak thoughtfully. Maybe someone should write in to Miss Manners to get her take!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never heard of this before. People get offended by the oddest things.

Yep.