I seemed to have missed the memo to "marry rich"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I NT don’t think you missed the memo. You have to fit in with that crowd to begin with. They must likely know each other or are friends of friends through private school and frats and vacationing in the same places. It’s not like Jordyn from po dunk western PA is going to fit in with the hedge fund crowd that grew up in Darien.

if Jordyn goes to Swathmore or Amherst and makes friends and then moves to NYC or Boston or San Francisco, they will. Likewise, the UMC kid going to Rye Country day who flunks out of some random SEC school isn't going to be doing much mingling with young professionals for long unless his parents underwrite his existence

Haha. No. Because she you can date and F rich guys, but once he goes and visit her folks some Thanksgiving, and imagines the wedding reception, the long game is over.

You are so off. Troll?

If the guy is rich and the girl upwardly mobile, they’ll put together their own wedding reception. Fact is, girls from “po dunk” who got out of po dunk tend to be more interesting, more ambitious, more driven, more accomplished, and—often because po dunk tends to value looks above all else, whereas Wellesley and similar value smarts and even can look down on attractive women—prettier.

There are tons of accomplished girls from po dunk up here who married “well.” They moved into a new crowd in college and grad school, and before you know it, they were just a prettier, more interesting version of the other fancy-college grads. You must not mingle much in this town, or you’d see that. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. My family is not like this, but I have friends who are. Honestly, I don’t care who people marry or what the prioritize when they look for a mate. None of my business.

What is my business is when some of these women who married rich on purpose want to lecture me or anyone about feminism. Do what you want ladies, but hitching your wagon to some rich guy so that you don’t have to worry about money is not a feminist choice. It perpetuates a lot of structures that hold women back. Oh, and if that dude is white and you’re white and your kids are white… congrats, you are also helping perpetuate white supremacy. So maybe to e down the Facebook posts about what a devout feminist you are?

None of it is your business. Who people marry, their views on feminism…not your business. Nothing about this promotes white supremacy either. Your should really try to become a more intelligent person.

1) Feminism is political, and politics are everyone's business.
2) Anyone who goes around being vocal about their views on feminism should be ready to account for their own choices, but especially wealthy white women. It is so common for rich white laides to be very ra-ra feminist when they want people to be nice to them or they want to claim victimhood.

The person who quote Mikki Kendall upthread is spot on. You can claim you're a feminist all you want, but if your entire lifestyle and the well being of your children relies on your white husband's high income and the cheap labor of women of color, your feminism is nothing but a social media brand.

So now white women need to pass some test with you if they simply hold the belief that women and men deserve equal opportunities? Exactly which very specific way do we have to live and move through the world to not have the fault of all that is wrong with America at our feet? And I'm very confused about the "entire lifestyle depends on cheap labor of women of color" comment. Could you expound upon that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was out of college working and a woman in the cube next to me was talking all day everyday about her investment banker boyfriend and his lavish gifts and dinners.
I said girl I’m going to get me one of those. And I did. Like you, my mom never told me what was up. Thank goodness for that gold digger years ago that showed me the way.

I am pretty surprised to hear self described feminist women brag about husband or boyfriends who have food jobs or how much they spent on their engagement rings.

I really naively thought we were beyond this.

Well, we aren’t beyond the fact that women do 100 percent of pregnancy and recovery and roughly 65 to 90 percent of child rearing, cooking, housekeeping, and maintenance of family relationships. All these things work to limit many women’s life time income. It is smart to be aware of this. Sorry about your naivety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. My family is not like this, but I have friends who are. Honestly, I don’t care who people marry or what the prioritize when they look for a mate. None of my business.

What is my business is when some of these women who married rich on purpose want to lecture me or anyone about feminism. Do what you want ladies, but hitching your wagon to some rich guy so that you don’t have to worry about money is not a feminist choice. It perpetuates a lot of structures that hold women back. Oh, and if that dude is white and you’re white and your kids are white… congrats, you are also helping perpetuate white supremacy. So maybe to e down the Facebook posts about what a devout feminist you are?

None of it is your business. Who people marry, their views on feminism…not your business. Nothing about this promotes white supremacy either. Your should really try to become a more intelligent person.

1) Feminism is political, and politics are everyone's business.
2) Anyone who goes around being vocal about their views on feminism should be ready to account for their own choices, but especially wealthy white women. It is so common for rich white laides to be very ra-ra feminist when they want people to be nice to them or they want to claim victimhood.

The person who quote Mikki Kendall upthread is spot on. You can claim you're a feminist all you want, but if your entire lifestyle and the well being of your children relies on your white husband's high income and the cheap labor of women of color, your feminism is nothing but a social media brand.

So now white women need to pass some test with you if they simply hold the belief that women and men deserve equal opportunities? Exactly which very specific way do we have to live and move through the world to not have the fault of all that is wrong with America at our feet? And I'm very confused about the "entire lifestyle depends on cheap labor of women of color" comment. Could you expound upon that?

NP here - absolutely. Our kids had a POC nanny and POC preschool teachers and I get weekly cleaning by other POC. My saving grace is that I am POC myself and pay them living wages, because I get it and I'm successful because of them. I cringe when I hear women expecting nannies to work for $20/hour and care for 3 small kids, so the moms can work and play feminists. For starters, I think paying living wages would be a great thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh look another hypergamythread! Yeah all the cool girls are doing it!

Thank you for this delicious bit of snark. I learned a new word and its antonym “hypogamy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. My family is not like this, but I have friends who are. Honestly, I don’t care who people marry or what the prioritize when they look for a mate. None of my business.

What is my business is when some of these women who married rich on purpose want to lecture me or anyone about feminism. Do what you want ladies, but hitching your wagon to some rich guy so that you don’t have to worry about money is not a feminist choice. It perpetuates a lot of structures that hold women back. Oh, and if that dude is white and you’re white and your kids are white… congrats, you are also helping perpetuate white supremacy. So maybe to e down the Facebook posts about what a devout feminist you are?

None of it is your business. Who people marry, their views on feminism…not your business. Nothing about this promotes white supremacy either. Your should really try to become a more intelligent person.

1) Feminism is political, and politics are everyone's business.
2) Anyone who goes around being vocal about their views on feminism should be ready to account for their own choices, but especially wealthy white women. It is so common for rich white laides to be very ra-ra feminist when they want people to be nice to them or they want to claim victimhood.

The person who quote Mikki Kendall upthread is spot on. You can claim you're a feminist all you want, but if your entire lifestyle and the well being of your children relies on your white husband's high income and the cheap labor of women of color, your feminism is nothing but a social media brand.

So now white women need to pass some test with you if they simply hold the belief that women and men deserve equal opportunities? Exactly which very specific way do we have to live and move through the world to not have the fault of all that is wrong with America at our feet? And I'm very confused about the "entire lifestyle depends on cheap labor of women of color" comment. Could you expound upon that?

NP here - absolutely. Our kids had a POC nanny and POC preschool teachers and I get weekly cleaning by other POC. My saving grace is that I am POC myself and pay them living wages, because I get it and I'm successful because of them. I cringe when I hear women expecting nannies to work for $20/hour and care for 3 small kids, so the moms can work and play feminists. For starters, I think paying living wages would be a great thing.

I was under the impression that PP was arguing against SAH with her argument. I had a PT nanny whose children were already out of the home, but I paid her 75% of my salary then decided to SAH because it was silly to do that. But really, do you think she was happy to lose her $28/hr gig? It's complex. It's not like my friend's nanny would otherwise be making 6-figures in another profession if white people stopped employing her. If suddenly white families only wanted to hire white women to do the nannying, cleaning, etc that would be insane. What is the solution? Oh right, not hating on other women and recognizing that the men are all laughing at the top while we call each other Karen and argue about if we're self loathing enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. My family is not like this, but I have friends who are. Honestly, I don’t care who people marry or what the prioritize when they look for a mate. None of my business.

What is my business is when some of these women who married rich on purpose want to lecture me or anyone about feminism. Do what you want ladies, but hitching your wagon to some rich guy so that you don’t have to worry about money is not a feminist choice. It perpetuates a lot of structures that hold women back. Oh, and if that dude is white and you’re white and your kids are white… congrats, you are also helping perpetuate white supremacy. So maybe to e down the Facebook posts about what a devout feminist you are?

None of it is your business. Who people marry, their views on feminism…not your business. Nothing about this promotes white supremacy either. Your should really try to become a more intelligent person.

1) Feminism is political, and politics are everyone's business.
2) Anyone who goes around being vocal about their views on feminism should be ready to account for their own choices, but especially wealthy white women. It is so common for rich white laides to be very ra-ra feminist when they want people to be nice to them or they want to claim victimhood.

The person who quote Mikki Kendall upthread is spot on. You can claim you're a feminist all you want, but if your entire lifestyle and the well being of your children relies on your white husband's high income and the cheap labor of women of color, your feminism is nothing but a social media brand.

Yes, truth. I need to read Kendall's work.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were both MBA’s following similar career paths. I didn’t marry rich, nor did he, but we both had the potential and we got there together. I wanted to be successful and I worked hard to get there and I met a great guy along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was out of college working and a woman in the cube next to me was talking all day everyday about her investment banker boyfriend and his lavish gifts and dinners.
I said girl I’m going to get me one of those. And I did. Like you, my mom never told me what was up. Thank goodness for that gold digger years ago that showed me the way.

I am pretty surprised to hear self described feminist women brag about husband or boyfriends who have food jobs or how much they spent on their engagement rings.

I really naively thought we were beyond this.

Well, we aren’t beyond the fact that women do 100 percent of pregnancy and recovery and roughly 65 to 90 percent of child rearing, cooking, housekeeping, and maintenance of family relationships. All these things work to limit many women’s life time income. It is smart to be aware of this. Sorry about your naivety.

And if you can’t beat them, join them, right? uphold that patriarchy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was out of college working and a woman in the cube next to me was talking all day everyday about her investment banker boyfriend and his lavish gifts and dinners.
I said girl I’m going to get me one of those. And I did. Like you, my mom never told me what was up. Thank goodness for that gold digger years ago that showed me the way.

I am pretty surprised to hear self described feminist women brag about husband or boyfriends who have food jobs or how much they spent on their engagement rings.

I really naively thought we were beyond this.

Well, we aren’t beyond the fact that women do 100 percent of pregnancy and recovery and roughly 65 to 90 percent of child rearing, cooking, housekeeping, and maintenance of family relationships. All these things work to limit many women’s life time income. It is smart to be aware of this. Sorry about your naivety.

And if you can’t beat them, join them, right? uphold that patriarchy!

Fight the patriarchy by upholding capitalism! Win-win since then we'll all be dead by climate change before your grandkids can even make the choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. My family is not like this, but I have friends who are. Honestly, I don’t care who people marry or what the prioritize when they look for a mate. None of my business.

What is my business is when some of these women who married rich on purpose want to lecture me or anyone about feminism. Do what you want ladies, but hitching your wagon to some rich guy so that you don’t have to worry about money is not a feminist choice. It perpetuates a lot of structures that hold women back. Oh, and if that dude is white and you’re white and your kids are white… congrats, you are also helping perpetuate white supremacy. So maybe to e down the Facebook posts about what a devout feminist you are?

None of it is your business. Who people marry, their views on feminism…not your business. Nothing about this promotes white supremacy either. Your should really try to become a more intelligent person.

1) Feminism is political, and politics are everyone's business.
2) Anyone who goes around being vocal about their views on feminism should be ready to account for their own choices, but especially wealthy white women. It is so common for rich white laides to be very ra-ra feminist when they want people to be nice to them or they want to claim victimhood.

The person who quote Mikki Kendall upthread is spot on. You can claim you're a feminist all you want, but if your entire lifestyle and the well being of your children relies on your white husband's high income and the cheap labor of women of color, your feminism is nothing but a social media brand.

So now white women need to pass some test with you if they simply hold the belief that women and men deserve equal opportunities? Exactly which very specific way do we have to live and move through the world to not have the fault of all that is wrong with America at our feet? And I'm very confused about the "entire lifestyle depends on cheap labor of women of color" comment. Could you expound upon that?

NP here - absolutely. Our kids had a POC nanny and POC preschool teachers and I get weekly cleaning by other POC. My saving grace is that I am POC myself and pay them living wages, because I get it and I'm successful because of them. I cringe when I hear women expecting nannies to work for $20/hour and care for 3 small kids, so the moms can work and play feminists. For starters, I think paying living wages would be a great thing.

I was under the impression that PP was arguing against SAH with her argument. I had a PT nanny whose children were already out of the home, but I paid her 75% of my salary then decided to SAH because it was silly to do that. But really, do you think she was happy to lose her $28/hr gig? It's complex. It's not like my friend's nanny would otherwise be making 6-figures in another profession if white people stopped employing her. If suddenly white families only wanted to hire white women to do the nannying, cleaning, etc that would be insane. What is the solution? Oh right, not hating on other women and recognizing that the men are all laughing at the top while we call each other Karen and argue about if we're self loathing enough.

I am the PP and you are projecting. I don’t have an opinion on being a SAHM. That’s a personal choice that has nothing to do with me. I am talking about the way white women rely on women if color to perform what they deem to be low status work (childcare, housework, etc.) while then presenting themselves to their mostly white friendships as feminists.

A lot of wealthy white wines cannot even see the women all around them all the time who are working for poverty wages while doing work that enriches the lives of these who’re women and their families. And then these same white women will encounter some sexism at work or in the media that impacts THEM, and suddenly they are quoting Steinem and talking about equality. These women are not engaged in movement feminism on any level. They just like using feminism as a tool for reinforcing their privilege when convenient.

[Anonymous]

Honestly sometimes I wish I had a house husband. Wouldn’t it be great to come home to dinner on the table. My friend is a dentist and her husband mostly does the house and childcare stuff. It must be so nice.

[Anonymous]

My mom specifically told us girls to marry rich. lol. I’m in my early 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly sometimes I wish I had a house husband. Wouldn’t it be great to come home to dinner on the table. My friend is a dentist and her husband mostly does the house and childcare stuff. It must be so nice.

I did not marry rich but my DH also is not house husband material, and I think you are spot on. If my DD chooses to marry a man, it is far more important for her happiness that he is someone who will clean, take care of kids, and cook on, at a minimum, a 50% basis. Long term, that’s the path to both marital accord and personal fulfillment if you plan on having kids. Otherwise, no matter his income or whether you work, you will always be doing the heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

Most of those women are being cheated on, but they don’t look far enough into it, because they’d rather not know.