Mean "big" kids at the community pool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
At the pool yesterday, an older boy took some of my daughter's pool toys. My daughter is 6, but tall for her age. When DD asked for the toy back, the older boy gleefully held it out of her reach and refused to give it to her. DD started crying and yelling at him, but he still wouldn't give it back.

My DH said we shouldn't intervene, but I was disgusted that this boy, probably 10 years old and much larger than DD, was taking things and taunting my daughter. His mother did not intervene at all, nor did the lifeguard. I wanted to have a few words with the little twit, but DH wanted DD to handle it.

What would you have done? How would you tell your DD to handle this?

I hear you. I had the opposite problem.
I have a very petite 6 year old and a larger older girl around 7-8 basically wanted to "care" and play with my DD in the pool.
She tried to hold her and touch her while at the pool. I mean, you just met my child and you are trying to pick her up? Of course the other child's mom did not do anything. My DD immediately told her "no, don't do that" and swam away from her. If she would have persisted after that I would have jumped in or told DD to get out to take a "break".

Another time when my DD was little she saw a toy by the side of the pool that no one was playing with and picked it up. After letting her interact with it for a few seconds, I immediatley told her to put it down that it was probably someone else's. Sure enough, right after a parent grabbed it from the ground. I kind of rolled my eyes at the time.

I haven't had that situation but when my DD was younger we attended one of those indoor playspaces. I can't remember the name but the owner's daughter was there and when my DD went up to one of the bars to hold herself up, she basically pushed her out of the way and climbed up herself. She may have made a really mean face too. I don't know. Anyway, back then my instinct was to love on my DD and say "awwww be nice" or something like that. However, I have seen mothers grab and forcefully remove children from playground equipment and yell at stranger's children if they were being rough around little kids. I wish I were brave enough to do that but I'm alwasy fearful that they other parent might be crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
At the pool yesterday, an older boy took some of my daughter's pool toys. My daughter is 6, but tall for her age. When DD asked for the toy back, the older boy gleefully held it out of her reach and refused to give it to her. DD started crying and yelling at him, but he still wouldn't give it back.

My DH said we shouldn't intervene, but I was disgusted that this boy, probably 10 years old and much larger than DD, was taking things and taunting my daughter. His mother did not intervene at all, nor did the lifeguard. I wanted to have a few words with the little twit, but DH wanted DD to handle it.

What would you have done? How would you tell your DD to handle this?

Have not read the previous responses but if this was my DD I can tell you I would have been all over it.

The ten year old would be told, in no uncertain terms to cut it out. I have dealt with similar once before, and I said something along the lines of, “Give her back the toy and leave her alone. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?”

Funny that you’re being sane and calling “all over it”. We are talking about people drowning for the sake of toy rescuing now.

These assholes will create absurd, nonexistent scenarios to bash the OP. It gives them life, it gives them purpose, it’s absolutely pathetic. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR ABUSE OF LIFEGUARD PRIVILEGES CAUSED ALL THE OTHER KIDS TO DROWN HUH OP CALM DOWN EVERYONE ELSE WE GOT THIS.

It’s LIFEguard, Karen. LIFEguard.

Karen, spelling and literacy are free.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe this is something you have to ask about, just go over to the boy/boys and say, “Hey don’t be mean. You’re bigger and you should help little kids. Maybe you could throw the ball with her?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this is something you have to ask about, just go over to the boy/boys and say, “Hey don’t be mean. You’re bigger and you should help little kids. Maybe you could throw the ball with her?”

The thread is bananas. She asked a normal question because she and her husband didn’t see eye to eye. Now she’s a Karen, like she totally would’ve gotten the boy arrested! Of course it’s not a big deal but people flipped out at her, made fun of her, and made it seem unreasonable to even ask. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this is something you have to ask about, just go over to the boy/boys and say, “Hey don’t be mean. You’re bigger and you should help little kids. Maybe you could throw the ball with her?”

The thread is bananas. She asked a normal question because she and her husband didn’t see eye to eye. Now she’s a Karen, like she totally would’ve gotten the boy arrested! Of course it’s not a big deal but people flipped out at her, made fun of her, and made it seem unreasonable to even ask. It’s ridiculous.

Because she was so dramatic and "disgusted" by honestly what is pretty routine behavior. The boy's behavior was not right, nobody is defending it, but we all know that "kid" is everywhere. He's at the pool, the park, the playground, etc. You can't control for kids like that, you can only control yourself and your own kid so you need to learn to roll with the punches and expect these things will happen and plan accordingly. Either back your kid up or leave toys at home. It's not hard. It's just strange that OP was so flummoxed by it as if she's never left the house before and encountered bad behavior in public places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this is something you have to ask about, just go over to the boy/boys and say, “Hey don’t be mean. You’re bigger and you should help little kids. Maybe you could throw the ball with her?”

The thread is bananas. She asked a normal question because she and her husband didn’t see eye to eye. Now she’s a Karen, like she totally would’ve gotten the boy arrested! Of course it’s not a big deal but people flipped out at her, made fun of her, and made it seem unreasonable to even ask. It’s ridiculous.

Because she was so dramatic and "disgusted" by honestly what is pretty routine behavior. The boy's behavior was not right, nobody is defending it, but we all know that "kid" is everywhere. He's at the pool, the park, the playground, etc. You can't control for kids like that, you can only control yourself and your own kid so you need to learn to roll with the punches and expect these things will happen and plan accordingly. Either back your kid up or leave toys at home. It's not hard. It's just strange that OP was so flummoxed by it as if she's never left the house before and encountered bad behavior in public places.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this is something you have to ask about, just go over to the boy/boys and say, “Hey don’t be mean. You’re bigger and you should help little kids. Maybe you could throw the ball with her?”

The thread is bananas. She asked a normal question because she and her husband didn’t see eye to eye. Now she’s a Karen, like she totally would’ve gotten the boy arrested! Of course it’s not a big deal but people flipped out at her, made fun of her, and made it seem unreasonable to even ask. It’s ridiculous.

Because she was so dramatic and "disgusted" by honestly what is pretty routine behavior. The boy's behavior was not right, nobody is defending it, but we all know that "kid" is everywhere. He's at the pool, the park, the playground, etc. You can't control for kids like that, you can only control yourself and your own kid so you need to learn to roll with the punches and expect these things will happen and plan accordingly. Either back your kid up or leave toys at home. It's not hard. It's just strange that OP was so flummoxed by it as if she's never left the house before and encountered bad behavior in public places.

But it probably isn’t yet routine for her. Plenty of us here have young dcs and less experience, and that should be ok. Isn’t it obvious when an op and her husband gave divergence like this that their q if what to do is genuine, and that their initial reactions might be headier than their reaction to the tenth time this happens? Ease up. You don’t have to grind someone down so eagerly over an honest question, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this is something you have to ask about, just go over to the boy/boys and say, “Hey don’t be mean. You’re bigger and you should help little kids. Maybe you could throw the ball with her?”

The thread is bananas. She asked a normal question because she and her husband didn’t see eye to eye. Now she’s a Karen, like she totally would’ve gotten the boy arrested! Of course it’s not a big deal but people flipped out at her, made fun of her, and made it seem unreasonable to even ask. It’s ridiculous.

Because she was so dramatic and "disgusted" by honestly what is pretty routine behavior. The boy's behavior was not right, nobody is defending it, but we all know that "kid" is everywhere. He's at the pool, the park, the playground, etc. You can't control for kids like that, you can only control yourself and your own kid so you need to learn to roll with the punches and expect these things will happen and plan accordingly. Either back your kid up or leave toys at home. It's not hard. It's just strange that OP was so flummoxed by it as if she's never left the house before and encountered bad behavior in public places.

But it probably isn’t yet routine for her. Plenty of us here have young dcs and less experience, and that should be ok. Isn’t it obvious when an op and her husband gave divergence like this that their q if what to do is genuine, and that their initial reactions might be headier than their reaction to the tenth time this happens? Ease up. You don’t have to grind someone down so eagerly over an honest question, right?

Her kid is 6 not 2. If a new parent was doing all this for the first time it would be more understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
At the pool yesterday, an older boy took some of my daughter's pool toys. My daughter is 6, but tall for her age. When DD asked for the toy back, the older boy gleefully held it out of her reach and refused to give it to her. DD started crying and yelling at him, but he still wouldn't give it back.

My DH said we shouldn't intervene, but I was disgusted that this boy, probably 10 years old and much larger than DD, was taking things and taunting my daughter. His mother did not intervene at all, nor did the lifeguard. I wanted to have a few words with the little twit, but DH wanted DD to handle it.

What would you have done? How would you tell your DD to handle this?

I hear you. I had the opposite problem.
I have a very petite 6 year old and a larger older girl around 7-8 basically wanted to "care" and play with my DD in the pool.
She tried to hold her and touch her while at the pool. I mean, you just met my child and you are trying to pick her up? Of course the other child's mom did not do anything. My DD immediately told her "no, don't do that" and swam away from her. If she would have persisted after that I would have jumped in or told DD to get out to take a "break".

Another time when my DD was little she saw a toy by the side of the pool that no one was playing with and picked it up. After letting her interact with it for a few seconds, I immediatley told her to put it down that it was probably someone else's. Sure enough, right after a parent grabbed it from the ground. I kind of rolled my eyes at the time.

I haven't had that situation but when my DD was younger we attended one of those indoor playspaces. I can't remember the name but the owner's daughter was there and when my DD went up to one of the bars to hold herself up, she basically pushed her out of the way and climbed up herself. She may have made a really mean face too. I don't know. Anyway, back then my instinct was to love on my DD and say "awwww be nice" or something like that. However, I have seen mothers grab and forcefully remove children from playground equipment and yell at stranger's children if they were being rough around little kids. I wish I were brave enough to do that but I'm alwasy fearful that they other parent might be crazy.

Do you not get out much? This is super weird. So many weird details. We’ve gone to the pool and many pools and hundreds of places with the kids so there are hundreds of stories. My kids have been difficult and great, other kids have been difficult and great. They’re kids, they’re learning. Lighten TF up.

[Anonymous]

I would have intervened after your daughter asked, particularly because it’s a bigger kid (regardless of age) particularly because it’s a boy. It’s not too early to teach our daughters we have their backs and bigger/male doesn’t confer power.

I do think pool behavior this year is especially bad but I chalk it up to exhausted parents who would rather do anything other than watch their kids.