How to Make Friends with Likeminded Moms, esp. Working Moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Please. The majority of families living in Arlington simply want a good education for their children and not to deal with crime. How incredibly sad that you judge someone for not wanting to live around criminal activity and make it about the color of their skin.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds exhausting and that’s why she’s not finding “likeminded” friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Please. The majority of families living in Arlington simply want a good education for their children and not to deal with crime. How incredibly sad that you judge someone for not wanting to live around criminal activity and make it about the color of their skin.

You’re going to be pretty embarrassed if you end up moving to arlington. It’s very community minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Please. The majority of families living in Arlington simply want a good education for their children and not to deal with crime. How incredibly sad that you judge someone for not wanting to live around criminal activity and make it about the color of their skin.

I am new to this thread but want to say that this was why we moved to Arlington, but that we ended up moving when our kids were preschool-aged because it was very obvious to me everywhere we went that I was in the minority and that everyone else was white (including my husband, so there's that). Mind you, I am Asian, so OP would probably consider me one of the rich privileged people that she doesn't want to affiliate with. Anyway, we moved 10 minutes away to Fairfax County and I feel much more comfortable now, and my children are in a MUCH more diverse school than they would have been had we stayed in our Arlington neighborhood. Not to mention, they're in school a whopping four days a week now while Arlington is only two, woohoo!

OP - you should consider living in the District itself or somewhere like Takoma Park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Please. The majority of families living in Arlington simply want a good education for their children and not to deal with crime. How incredibly sad that you judge someone for not wanting to live around criminal activity and make it about the color of their skin.

I am new to this thread but want to say that this was why we moved to Arlington, but that we ended up moving when our kids were preschool-aged because it was very obvious to me everywhere we went that I was in the minority and that everyone else was white (including my husband, so there's that). Mind you, I am Asian, so OP would probably consider me one of the rich privileged people that she doesn't want to affiliate with. Anyway, we moved 10 minutes away to Fairfax County and I feel much more comfortable now, and my children are in a MUCH more diverse school than they would have been had we stayed in our Arlington neighborhood. Not to mention, they're in school a whopping four days a week now while Arlington is only two, woohoo!

OP - you should consider living in the District itself or somewhere like Takoma Park.

Or, honestly, SOUTH Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Do you want to live in the same school districts as ‘the majority of its innocent kids and families’? If so, look for a Title 1 school (high %-age of FARMS kids) — we’re in one now. It’s a great school, my daughter has wonderful classmates, kids are friendly, smart, kind, and curious. Now, it might be hard for you to make friends, because of language barriers or a PTA that’s not terribly active, but if you get involved with the school, or scouts or something, you’ll meet likeminded parents.

Or do you want to live with ‘peers’ who have the same pedigree as you and the same interests, and just talk about how society screws over the majority of its innocent kids? In that case, look for an area with a lot of “Love Lives Here” or whatever, but has an average HHI that is indicative of said pedigree. Then do the work to make friends — reach out, talk about superficial stuff at first, realize that a lot of people are freaking burnt out, and may be radical socialists at heart, but really just want to talk about how much it sucks trying to come up with a meal plan and complain that their feet never shrank post-pregancy, and they can’t fit into their cute heals anymore, but it really doesn’t matter because they’ve forgotten how to walk in them. Then you’ll move on to podcasts and books and long form Atlantic articles, and then maybe into politics. Maybe.

I’m cranky, because I’ve been straddling both worlds, and frankly, give SO MUCH SIDE EYE to the people who talk about all this inequality on social media or with yard signs, but then would never dream of sending their kids to a school with a 35% FARMS rate, much less a Title 1 school. I’m also pretty much a radical socialist who thinks we should burn the whole thing down, but is tired and is moving to a ‘better’ zip code soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Do you want to live in the same school districts as ‘the majority of its innocent kids and families’? If so, look for a Title 1 school (high %-age of FARMS kids) — we’re in one now. It’s a great school, my daughter has wonderful classmates, kids are friendly, smart, kind, and curious. Now, it might be hard for you to make friends, because of language barriers or a PTA that’s not terribly active, but if you get involved with the school, or scouts or something, you’ll meet likeminded parents.

Or do you want to live with ‘peers’ who have the same pedigree as you and the same interests, and just talk about how society screws over the majority of its innocent kids? In that case, look for an area with a lot of “Love Lives Here” or “In This House” yard signs or whatever, but has an average HHI that is indicative of said pedigree. Then do the work to make friends — reach out, talk about superficial stuff at first, realize that a lot of people are freaking burnt out, and may be radical socialists at heart, but really just want to talk about how much it sucks trying to come up with a meal plan and complain that their feet never shrank post-pregancy, and they can’t fit into their cute heals anymore, but it really doesn’t matter because they’ve forgotten how to walk in them. Then you’ll move on to podcasts and books and long form Atlantic articles, and then maybe into politics. Maybe.

I’m cranky, because I’ve been straddling both worlds, and frankly, give SO MUCH SIDE EYE to the people who talk about all this inequality on social media or with yard signs, but then would never dream of sending their kids to a school with a 35% FARMS rate, much less a Title 1 school. I’m also pretty much a radical socialist who thinks we should burn the whole thing down, but is tired and is moving to a ‘better’ zip code soon.

ETA the yard sign part — I forgot what they are called since at this point they are so f-ing meaningless when they are in front of $1.5M NIMBY houses — just visual white noise...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

You might like Takoma Park, M.D.. Schools not perfect, but might be more your style. People trying to make world better place, etc. It's the Berkley of East coast sort of. At least it was, unless strivers took over, not sure. So many have moved to DC area since 2008 or 2009.

[Anonymous]

OP, one practical option you might consider is to join a networking group. I just joined one in DC (called Chief - not a plug for them as I haven’t been in it long enough to honestly recommend it). It has only been a month and I haven’t been a member of any similar groups so can’t compare, but I joined in part to expand my social circle and meet interesting women that I wouldn’t otherwise have met, but with whom I have lots in common (eg running my own business, being a mom, in my case also being an immigrant etc), and so far the best thing about it has been that everyone seems genuinely to want to meet and get to know each other, and I’ve heard from others who have been members for longer that really deep friendships can be formed. I’m sure there are many groups like this, perhaps more specific to your own interests, that you could join.

[Anonymous]

Yeah there is no question in my mind why you can't make friends, OP. You seem pretty miserable and hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can totally get why people are saying you're a jerk now, but also - I completely identify with your rant and people probably think I'm a jerk too. I wish we could be friends! I have really connected with your posts. I hope you found your match - we're out here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

+1

Also an Arlington mom. I think it helps that the lots are small so we all live close together. I used to live farther out on a cul de sac with big houses on big plots of land and never got to know many neighbors because everyone just came and went from their garage, lots of commuting, so no time for impromptu afternoon play dates even though I worked from home with a flexible schedule.

Obviously everyone’s experiences are different and I’m sure some people in farther out neighborhoods have found their crowd. But personally, I find denser areas easier to meet people. Our neighborhood is walkable so there’s always people out walking/biking places. Front porch chats. Kids zooming by on scooters. Work from home parents chatting outside mid-day. I think proximity really helps — especially during the pandemic, our close by neighbors have become our bubble. Even the SAHMs are very educated and used to have interesting careers. Lots of people who travel and/or have lived all over including internationally. People here seem pretty knowledgeable and engaged in politics and world news, but also down to earth and able to chat about kid/family stuff. We are very happy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

You might like Takoma Park, M.D.. Schools not perfect, but might be more your style. People trying to make world better place, etc. It's the Berkley of East coast sort of. At least it was, unless strivers took over, not sure. So many have moved to DC area since 2008 or 2009.

Or University Park, MD near the University of Maryland or pockets of Silver Spring. I grew up in PG County. My parents were Ivy educated and cared deeply about social issues. You'd find like minded people there. You're not going to get that in Arlington, Potomac, McLean or any of the other areas around here that resemble Westchester. Sorry. It's the haves and the haves nots around most places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

I live in Arlington and while I like your politics, your insistence on meeting "people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing" is seems pretty darn privileged and snooty to me. I'm just a poor state school grad who doesn't meet your educational requirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids.

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.

Do you want to live in the same school districts as ‘the majority of its innocent kids and families’? If so, look for a Title 1 school (high %-age of FARMS kids) — we’re in one now. It’s a great school, my daughter has wonderful classmates, kids are friendly, smart, kind, and curious. Now, it might be hard for you to make friends, because of language barriers or a PTA that’s not terribly active, but if you get involved with the school, or scouts or something, you’ll meet likeminded parents.

Or do you want to live with ‘peers’ who have the same pedigree as you and the same interests, and just talk about how society screws over the majority of its innocent kids? In that case, look for an area with a lot of “Love Lives Here” or “In This House” yard signs or whatever, but has an average HHI that is indicative of said pedigree. Then do the work to make friends — reach out, talk about superficial stuff at first, realize that a lot of people are freaking burnt out, and may be radical socialists at heart, but really just want to talk about how much it sucks trying to come up with a meal plan and complain that their feet never shrank post-pregancy, and they can’t fit into their cute heals anymore, but it really doesn’t matter because they’ve forgotten how to walk in them. Then you’ll move on to podcasts and books and long form Atlantic articles, and then maybe into politics. Maybe.

I’m cranky, because I’ve been straddling both worlds, and frankly, give SO MUCH SIDE EYE to the people who talk about all this inequality on social media or with yard signs, but then would never dream of sending their kids to a school with a 35% FARMS rate, much less a Title 1 school. I’m also pretty much a radical socialist who thinks we should burn the whole thing down, but is tired and is moving to a ‘better’ zip code soon.

ETA the yard sign part — I forgot what they are called since at this point they are so f-ing meaningless when they are in front of $1.5M NIMBY houses — just visual white noise...

I had to laugh so loud at this.

I am not in Arlington, but i can relate to the people with signs.

My nextdoor neighbor and my only neighbor at the time had a " Be Kind" sign in their yard and never bothered to welcome ( as in say " hi, welcome") us when we moved in.

However, they were quick to inform the HOA of anything they suspected we were doing wrong ( and they were wrong).

Thankfully, HOA let us know exactly who we were dealing with. HOA said: " your neighbor said you did this."

I was looking at them every morning thinking: these people are really clueless. They wave and smile every day. 😆