Reply to How to Make Friends with Likeminded Moms, esp. Working Moms

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I live in a super family friendly and close-knit neighborhood in Arlington. My best mom friends are my neighbors and they’re all smart and fun. The proximity to each other reminds me of college. We met initially at neighborhood playgrounds, the pool and just walking our kids when they were babies. Part of the reason North Arlington is so grossly expensive is not just the location but the peer group - for parents and kids. [/quote]

OP here. I am mostly listening and thinking about all the responses, but had to write back to this.

We have spent a few years in Westchester (outside NYC), currently in process of moving to the DC area. Several people specifically suggested we avoid Arlington because it would be Westchester 2.0 -- a suffocating bubble of privilege.

The total lack of self-awareness in this post is just astounding. You think you're all so amazing because you earned a ton of money and used it to segregate yourself and your kids from the rest of the world? And what about the vast majority of US families who can't afford to live in your neighborhood...maybe they should have worked harder? Avoided useless career paths like teaching or social work or whatever? Or is the attitude more like don't know/don't care/don't want to waste time thinking about other people?

Maybe that's my real problem...being surrounded by "smart" and "fun" ladies who are supremely unbothered by the fact that we're dropping $$$$ on dinners and vacations and houses, hoarding opportunities for our kids, living in an area where all the rich (mostly white/Asian) people go to one school and 15 minutes down the road all the Black and Brown kids go to another, vastly underfunded school, and turning away from these glaring inequalities as though they are not our problem.

Before you ask, I don't accost strangers with this kind of conversation on the playground...but after several years of hanging out with privileged parents in Westchester, I'm pretty confident that they just DGAF about the hypocrisy and moral issues inherent in our way of life.

So, I don't think Arlington is for me, but if anyone wants to recommend a place to live where I can meet other people who did the whole Ivy degree, big career, American Dream thing, but ultimately were not comfortable turning their backs on how our society screws over the majority of its innocent kids and families, and are trying to find a balance between living a nice life with their kids, doing the dinners and houses and vacations, but also living a just life and making this world a better place, I'm all ears.[/quote]

Do you want to live in the same school districts as ‘the majority of its innocent kids and families’?   If so, look for a Title 1 school (high %-age of FARMS kids) — we’re in one now.   It’s a great school, my daughter has wonderful classmates, kids are friendly, smart, kind, and curious.   Now, it might be hard for you to make friends, because of language barriers or a PTA that’s not terribly active, but if you get involved with the school, or scouts or something, you’ll meet likeminded parents.

Or do you want to live with ‘peers’ who have the same pedigree as you and the same interests, and just talk about how society screws over the majority of its innocent kids?  In that case, look for an area with a lot of “Love Lives Here” [b] or “In This House” yard signs[/b]  or whatever, but has an average HHI that is indicative of said pedigree.   Then do the work to make friends — reach out, talk about superficial stuff at first, realize that a lot of people are freaking burnt out, and may be radical socialists at heart, but really just want to talk about how much it sucks trying to come up with a meal plan and complain that their feet never shrank post-pregancy, and they can’t fit into their cute heals anymore, but it really doesn’t matter because they’ve forgotten how to walk in them.  Then you’ll move on to podcasts and books and long form Atlantic articles, and then maybe into politics.  Maybe.

I’m cranky, because I’ve been straddling both worlds, and frankly, give SO MUCH SIDE EYE to the people who talk about all this inequality on social media or with yard signs, but then would never dream of sending their kids to a school with a 35% FARMS rate, much less a Title 1 school.   I’m also pretty much a radical socialist who thinks we should burn the whole thing down, but is tired and is moving to a ‘better’ zip code soon.

[/quote]

ETA the yard sign part — I forgot what they are called since at this point they are so f-ing meaningless when they are in front of $1.5M NIMBY houses  — just visual white noise...[/quote]

I had to laugh so loud at this.

I am not in Arlington, but i can relate to the people with signs.

My nextdoor neighbor and my only neighbor at the time had a " Be Kind" sign in their yard and never bothered to welcome ( as in say " hi, welcome") us when we moved in.

However, they were  quick to inform the HOA of anything they suspected we were doing wrong ( and they were wrong).

Thankfully, HOA let us know exactly who we were dealing with. HOA said: " your neighbor said you did this."

I was looking at them every morning thinking: these people are really clueless. They wave  and smile every day. 😆 [/quote]

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