Issues with his exwife and how he handles her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just able to come back to this. I have only gotten to the 3rd page.

To clarify, I have no desire to blend or get married. None. At least not until they are all out of the nest.

I just want him to stop tiptoeing around her and stand up to her about certain things when she is making issues for no real reason.

So go on a week that he does not have the kids. If he doesn't stand up to her, it is because he does not want to. Not everyone likes to constantly be renegotiating their schedule. It is simpler to just stick to the plan.

Personally I would feel no obligation to be flexible for my ex's girlfriend's travel plans. It's not my problem and it is disruptive to the kids' schedules.

To be clear - we made these plans during a week when she was supposed to have the kids. He reached out to her to confirm the schedule for the month. She is now saying it may not work.

Again, this is not the only thing but just what triggered the post.

Yes I know my issue should be with him, not her. But as an exw who really tries to work with my exh on things and be collaborative, it annoys me to no end.

NP-- this is a little weird. Why is he "confirming the schedule" with her? The schedule is the schedule. It doesn't need to be constantly renegotiated. He's not supposed to have the kids that week. So, if she needs coverage on one of those days, that's on her.

That said, OP, you have the BF you have. Not the BF you want.

[Anonymous]

This board always confirms for me that if I get divorced or DH dies to never date again, and def not anyone with kids and an ex. Who has time for all this drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make plans with your kids and leave him out of it. I am sure your kids will like it. Maybe he doesn’t want to vacation with you so he is not fighting his ex; maybe she thrives on conflict and he knows not to engage in a power struggle; maybe his resistance will reflect on his kids.

Yeah much of this doesn't even have to do with the kids but some does. Ex she was set to have the kids a certain time this summer and he tried to confirm with her so we could make plans (he didn't tell her this but I am sure she suspected) and suddenly the dates didn't work for her anymore.

They need to follow the custody agreement. If she can’t decide which summer weeks then he needs to tell her that he will take her back to court so it can be written that he gets the kids the first 8 weeks of summer or every other week or whatever it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and the ex wife are fighting for who gets to control the poor sucker. Have fun with that.

And I’m sure he is loving it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and the ex wife are fighting for who gets to control the poor sucker. Have fun with that.

And I’m sure he is loving it!

He's just sitting back and feeling special. Soon GF will be the "crazy ex". Its always the same with these guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board always confirms for me that if I get divorced or DH dies to never date again, and def not anyone with kids and an ex. Who has time for all this drama?

Dating is actually great (I'm a divorced parent with 3 kids, been dating for 3 years). Its thinking you're in love and trying to blend families that seems to set off the tsunami of weird. For instance, OP is eager for her husband to marry the 4th woman in 8 years to rotate through her husbands life. WEIRD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing - your two complaints in your post, that she's inflexible about the schedule, and that he's not willing to fight with her, both sound like GOOD things. You can plan around a predictable schedule. Fighting with your ex when there are kids involved is almost never a good idea.

So in order to convince me that she's the problem, and not you, you're going to have to provide more evidence.

While “fighting” isn’t always a good idea, I agree with OP that it’s long overdue for her boyfriend to put his ex in her place.

There should be no fighting. However, she is just a ex, the kids and his new partner need to come first. OP is probably better off not having any conversation with her, and her bf needs to limit his with the ex. Go by the court order, and plan your life. OP talk to your boyfriend and make sure you both stop empowering her. Once you take all that away, and put her at a great distance things will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

Why not?
Why is some girlfriend more important?
What is a girlfriend but a sex partner, if ex is not willing?
What does the girlfriend mean compared to his kid and the mother of his kids?
If she was important she would not be a girlfriend!
After all, this is not Norway, where people do that all the time.

I assume they have dated a few years and it will lead to marriage. If not then OP should get out now. Otherwise your partner and kids should come first. Not the ex. No they shouldn't force blending especially at that age. I would go on vacation with her kids then the next time take his. If they are lucky and all the kids are at the other bios take their own time.
Their not brothers and sisters and never will be so stop that nonsense OP. As long as they all get along, or are at least polite then be grateful. Minimize all interactions with the ex, I really don't see the point especially with the ages of the kids.

[Anonymous]

This OP posted another thread about problems she is having with her ex DH. Looks like OP left out critical pieces of information such as she and her BF had an affair. No wonder there is tension. Op, please let us know if you are the same poster.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/973538.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This OP posted another thread about problems she is having with her ex DH. Looks like OP left out critical pieces of information such as she and her BF had an affair. No wonder there is tension. Op, please let us know if you are the same poster.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/973538.page

It is clear that it is the same Op, no need for OP to confirm it.

[Anonymous]

From OP’s original post:

“I can't take much more of feeling like my schedule and summer and plans are being dictated by her, and yes that is on him.”

If OP is the same OP from the affair thread, she is about as selfish as they come. She caused the breakup of a woman’s family, the woman is trying to schedule summer activities for three children, the woman has to live with the aftermath of humiliation and dealing with the emotional fallout with her kids due to the exH’s actions, and yet all OP can do is blame the woman and point the finger at exH/DH for not doing more to facilitate OP’s precious summer schedule. “I have needs!” says OP. Tell that to DH’s wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

So true!!

where is the personal accountability?? No one makes you act the way you do. It's a choice. And a selfish one as it hurts your children.