Issues with his exwife and how he handles her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a fully blended family. Two of our adult kids (step siblings) share an apartment. The kids are all very close. My DH’s ex was nuts when we got married 24 years ago. And she is still nuts. There is nothing magical about the kids turning 18. You’ll still be dealing with that crazy until one of you dies. Now it’s graduations, weddings, grandkids, and holiday visits instead of visitation.

My advise - Don’t add to the chaos. It’s not fair to the kids. You be the calm center in the storm. The kids will figure out who they can trust when they get older. I don’t push visits with the adult kids. I just tell them we are happy whenever they are able to be here. Stay above the need to control. Accept that she will be a part of your life for a very long time. If you can do that, you’ll be fine.

I don't have a dog in the race but there's stat like you spend the substantial majority of the time you will spend with the kids before they turn 18/graduate HS. I think it is like 80-90% or some really high number. Purely as a function of not seeing the kids as much would seem to make things a lot easier after 18. You can also see them on your own terms rather than a custody order/agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very much not the case with my bf and his exwife. She is reactive and controlling, esp when she has any hint that I am involved in plans or whatever. She is very inflexible on the schedule (I get that this is how some divorces are and have a right to be.) But the issue is his lack of wanting to fight with her and how it affects our relationship. I truly love this man. We have known each other for years. But I am reaching my breaking point in terms of boundaries.
Are you actually reading anything you wrote?
You are a girlfriend! That's it. She is the mother of his kids whom he puts first and their kids. As he should be.
For years you have known each other? What does that mean? You were his affair? You knew him when he was married in some capacity?
Why can't you have some self respect and do what is best for you and your kids?
Honestly, your BOYFRIEND and his ex sound like great parents. You and your dh sound like kids come last, after all your girlfriends and boyfriends and your vacation is to put your boyfriend as a priority?
If I was your kid, I would hate you guts and your boyfriends guts. I would know that I am the last thing in mom's head.
So needy and insecure.

Ah, the bitter ex wives of dcurbanmoms have found the thread....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very much not the case with my bf and his exwife. She is reactive and controlling, esp when she has any hint that I am involved in plans or whatever. She is very inflexible on the schedule (I get that this is how some divorces are and have a right to be.) But the issue is his lack of wanting to fight with her and how it affects our relationship. I truly love this man. We have known each other for years. But I am reaching my breaking point in terms of boundaries.
Are you actually reading anything you wrote?
You are a girlfriend! That's it. She is the mother of his kids whom he puts first and their kids. As he should be.
For years you have known each other? What does that mean? You were his affair? You knew him when he was married in some capacity?
Why can't you have some self respect and do what is best for you and your kids?
Honestly, your BOYFRIEND and his ex sound like great parents. You and your dh sound like kids come last, after all your girlfriends and boyfriends and your vacation is to put your boyfriend as a priority?
If I was your kid, I would hate you guts and your boyfriends guts. I would know that I am the last thing in mom's head.
So needy and insecure.

Ah, the bitter ex wives of dcurbanmoms have found the thread....

Look op and one other pp who is divorced, just bcs you like to think some ex wives are bitter, and think that I am an ex doesn't make it so.
You are not fooling anyone with your "unwitty" retort. I am not an ex, I am in a happy marriage.
You are always posting this same drivel, and are recognizable. If you are so happy being the new piece, why are you here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

Why not?
Why is some girlfriend more important?
What is a girlfriend but a sex partner, if ex is not willing?
What does the girlfriend mean compared to his kid and the mother of his kids?
If she was important she would not be a girlfriend!
After all, this is not Norway, where people do that all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very much not the case with my bf and his exwife. She is reactive and controlling, esp when she has any hint that I am involved in plans or whatever. She is very inflexible on the schedule (I get that this is how some divorces are and have a right to be.) But the issue is his lack of wanting to fight with her and how it affects our relationship. I truly love this man. We have known each other for years. But I am reaching my breaking point in terms of boundaries.
Are you actually reading anything you wrote?
You are a girlfriend! That's it. She is the mother of his kids whom he puts first and their kids. As he should be.
For years you have known each other? What does that mean? You were his affair? You knew him when he was married in some capacity?
Why can't you have some self respect and do what is best for you and your kids?
Honestly, your BOYFRIEND and his ex sound like great parents. You and your dh sound like kids come last, after all your girlfriends and boyfriends and your vacation is to put your boyfriend as a priority?
If I was your kid, I would hate you guts and your boyfriends guts. I would know that I am the last thing in mom's head.
So needy and insecure.

Ah, the bitter ex wives of dcurbanmoms have found the thread....

Look op and one other pp who is divorced, just bcs you like to think some ex wives are bitter, and think that I am an ex doesn't make it so.
You are not fooling anyone with your "unwitty" retort. I am not an ex, I am in a happy marriage.
You are always posting this same drivel, and are recognizable. If you are so happy being the new piece, why are you here?

Or, you could spend some time considering why so many women get so shafted by so many men, in order to create this cadre of bitter ex wives that you picture hunting down DCUM threads. I'm an ex wife and I am happy and relieved to be rid of my abusive ex, but would I potentially sound bitter about his girlfriends need to "blend" my kids into hers in a way that disrupts our custody schedule? Sure. Why? I had my life derailed and my family endangered and then mangled by a man who became abusive and alcohol addicted and has suspected brain damage from professional sports. Maybe you wouldn't be bitter or afraid of what the new girlfriend and him are up to, but I may be. Maybe instead of perpetuating the abuse by dismissing people who have had hard times you could consider that listening to them may have some benefits.

[Anonymous]

I know a blended family with this dynamic that was resolved with therapy. It turned out the BF and his ex had hooked up for a ONS shortly after the new GF (now wife) and he got together. The Ex-wife was holding it over him in a “do what I say or I’m telling” way. He came clean with GF, they did therapy and are now a happy blended family.

[Anonymous]

Looks like the ex is handling your boyfriend, her ex. Not at all him handling her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

I disagree with this. She's still the parent of his children. I'm married, but if I ever divorce then I would try to prioritize my ex's needs and work together as a team to raise our kids. I could easily see a scenario where the ex plans to take them on certain dates, but then something else comes up and those dates no longer work. Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?

Now that I'm writing it all out, one possibility is that OP's BF doesn't want to plan blended vacations with OP and the 6 kids and may be using his ex's schedule changes as an excuse to dodge it. The kids might be begging him not to make them go too. It would be a jerk move rather than just telling her if this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

I disagree with this. She's still the parent of his children. I'm married, but if I ever divorce then I would try to prioritize my ex's needs and work together as a team to raise our kids. I could easily see a scenario where the ex plans to take them on certain dates, but then something else comes up and those dates no longer work. Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?

Now that I'm writing it all out, one possibility is that OP's BF doesn't want to plan blended vacations with OP and the 6 kids and may be using his ex's schedule changes as an excuse to dodge it. The kids might be begging him not to make them go too. It would be a jerk move rather than just telling her if this is the case.

Um....no.

There is a trend of some wives who divorce their husbands who think they should still be able to control and boss their ex husbands around.

They think they should be more important than his current girlfriends or wives.

Sorry, doesn’t work that way. You divorced him. He is no longer your husband. He should prioritize his kids, but that does NOT mean he needs to prioritize his EX.
The

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

I disagree with this. She's still the parent of his children. I'm married, but if I ever divorce then I would try to prioritize my ex's needs and work together as a team to raise our kids. I could easily see a scenario where the ex plans to take them on certain dates, but then something else comes up and those dates no longer work. Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?

Now that I'm writing it all out, one possibility is that OP's BF doesn't want to plan blended vacations with OP and the 6 kids and may be using his ex's schedule changes as an excuse to dodge it. The kids might be begging him not to make them go too. It would be a jerk move rather than just telling her if this is the case.

“ Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?”

Yes, of course! Those are her issues to solve now! He’s not responsible for covering for her if she has work travel or a sick relative to take care of. She needs to handle care for the kids during her custody time.

Any man who cancels a vacation with his current wife or girlfriend in order to cover for his ex’s work trip is going to find himself single pretty damn fast.

And I’m sure the ex wives would prefer their ex husbands be single, which is why some ex wives love trying to make life difficult for their exes and their current partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

I disagree with this. She's still the parent of his children. I'm married, but if I ever divorce then I would try to prioritize my ex's needs and work together as a team to raise our kids. I could easily see a scenario where the ex plans to take them on certain dates, but then something else comes up and those dates no longer work. Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?

Now that I'm writing it all out, one possibility is that OP's BF doesn't want to plan blended vacations with OP and the 6 kids and may be using his ex's schedule changes as an excuse to dodge it. The kids might be begging him not to make them go too. It would be a jerk move rather than just telling her if this is the case.

“ Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?”

Yes, of course! Those are her issues to solve now! He’s not responsible for covering for her if she has work travel or a sick relative to take care of. She needs to handle care for the kids during her custody time.

Any man who cancels a vacation with his current wife or girlfriend in order to cover for his ex’s work trip is going to find himself single pretty damn fast.

And I’m sure the ex wives would prefer their ex husbands be single, which is why some ex wives love trying to make life difficult for their exes and their current partners.

PP here. Admittedly, this is a first marriage for me and my husband, so no exes or kids from prior relationships. I guess I was thinking that you would still try to help cover childcare for each other when needed, because eventually both of you will need that flexibility. Not canceling a booked vacation, but moving dates around during planning to find a mutually convenient time. That's not how it works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing - your two complaints in your post, that she's inflexible about the schedule, and that he's not willing to fight with her, both sound like GOOD things. You can plan around a predictable schedule. Fighting with your ex when there are kids involved is almost never a good idea.

So in order to convince me that she's the problem, and not you, you're going to have to provide more evidence.

+1 I agree that OP you seem to have a lot of drama around this issue. It's your thoughts making you upset; not anyone's actions. You know the schedule, so it shouldn't be hard to plan around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing - your two complaints in your post, that she's inflexible about the schedule, and that he's not willing to fight with her, both sound like GOOD things. You can plan around a predictable schedule. Fighting with your ex when there are kids involved is almost never a good idea.

So in order to convince me that she's the problem, and not you, you're going to have to provide more evidence.

+1 I agree that OP you seem to have a lot of drama around this issue. It's your thoughts making you upset; not anyone's actions. You know the schedule, so it shouldn't be hard to plan around it.

Bcs she is out resident op that posts all the time. Her ex cheated, she is left with the kid, he was 7 at the time when her marriage broke. She fell head over heels for a guy, who, I think was still married at the time.
Everyone told her it is not a good idea to rush into it and that he is not the right person for her. We told her so too. Now, she changes kids and ages, but the facts are the same. She went from constant posting how nanny, sister, friend didn't understand how much this guy is great for her... now she is posting how his ex is a problem....
It is tiresome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.

And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.

what the....no man should prioritize his EX.

I disagree with this. She's still the parent of his children. I'm married, but if I ever divorce then I would try to prioritize my ex's needs and work together as a team to raise our kids. I could easily see a scenario where the ex plans to take them on certain dates, but then something else comes up and those dates no longer work. Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?

Now that I'm writing it all out, one possibility is that OP's BF doesn't want to plan blended vacations with OP and the 6 kids and may be using his ex's schedule changes as an excuse to dodge it. The kids might be begging him not to make them go too. It would be a jerk move rather than just telling her if this is the case.

“ Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?”

Yes, of course! Those are her issues to solve now! He’s not responsible for covering for her if she has work travel or a sick relative to take care of. She needs to handle care for the kids during her custody time.

Any man who cancels a vacation with his current wife or girlfriend in order to cover for his ex’s work trip is going to find himself single pretty damn fast.

And I’m sure the ex wives would prefer their ex husbands be single, which is why some ex wives love trying to make life difficult for their exes and their current partners.

Your post makes no sense. If ex and girlfriend have the kids, she can go for the work conference or care for the relative. He should invite the kids on the trip and if ex says no, and she has an emergency and its not his week/she wasn't flexible, she'll need to figure it out. Simple.