Strangers who talk to toddlers having tantrums

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I never try to help parents. I used to hold doors for people struggling with strollers, but it seems the "it takes a village" crowd only wants the village when it's convenient. So parents are invisible to me.

Are you a parent?

It is never ever ever help to intervene in a tantrum. Never has a toddler who is dysregulated been soothed by a stranger. Use common sense and then join the village.

I have seen it help multiple times in the grocery store.

Your "never ever ever" experience is not universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the sage advice I'd been given on DCUM, I am one of those 780-month olds who have stopped doing anything when it comes to someone else and their child.

I posted about a child getting ready to fall head-first out of a grocery cart (mom had her back turned momentarily) and I was ripped a new one for being intrusive, judgemental, you name it.

Since then other people's children are invisible to me. No more warnings of immediate danger, no more offers to help, no more smiles or friendly overtures.

It is a different world than the one I was raised in and fully understand that now.

See, you can teach an old dog new tricks. I've learned my lesson.

I’m sorry you were treated poorly, but you should not become the negative person here. Act like you were raised and care.

DP. That's the point. Expressions of caring are frowned upon and complained about. Why shrug off a well-intentioned but unwanted offer of help when you can chastise someone trying to exhibit kindness? The reality is that the OP and others are insecure and embarrassed about not being in control of a situation and view the offer of help as condemnation of their parenting. There's no winning with negative, insecure people. A polite no thank you would cover the interaction, but instead, OP has to play the victim.

Winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I never try to help parents. I used to hold doors for people struggling with strollers, but it seems the "it takes a village" crowd only wants the village when it's convenient. So parents are invisible to me.

Are you a parent?

It is never ever ever help to intervene in a tantrum. Never has a toddler who is dysregulated been soothed by a stranger. Use common sense and then join the village.

I have seen it help multiple times in the grocery store.

Your "never ever ever" experience is not universal.

True. And I am enjoying the irony of purported parenting experts who know exactly what works and what does not work to sooth a tantruming child, but lack the the wherewithal to avoid tantrums in the first place.

I had three kids in three years. The best advice for tantrums is planning. Whenever I thought my kids had another 15-20 minutes in them, that was the time to leave - no matter what.

Oh, and one time one my twins ran away in Target and I had to push the stroller around with the other two while he played an ever so amusing game of hide and seek. I was incredibly grateful to the kind older man who stepped in to help me track him down.

[Anonymous]

I once grabbed a child by his arm because he was about to run into a busy street. His mother was grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, terrible people trying to make a little kid feel better. The nerve!

This! They are just trying to help. I think that it frequently helps to change the dynamic. If it does not help, you are back to where you were regardless and if it does then be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the sage advice I'd been given on DCUM, I am one of those 780-month olds who have stopped doing anything when it comes to someone else and their child.

I posted about a child getting ready to fall head-first out of a grocery cart (mom had her back turned momentarily) and I was ripped a new one for being intrusive, judgemental, you name it.

Since then other people's children are invisible to me. No more warnings of immediate danger, no more offers to help, no more smiles or friendly overtures.

It is a different world than the one I was raised in and fully understand that now.

See, you can teach an old dog new tricks. I've learned my lesson.

I’m sorry you were treated poorly, but you should not become the negative person here. Act like you were raised and care.

Are you the same poster who responded above to the PP who complained about her 780-month-old FIL? You said something like "I'm sorry you married into such an unhappy family." If so, you are both diplomatic and subtle and I like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I never try to help parents. I used to hold doors for people struggling with strollers, but it seems the "it takes a village" crowd only wants the village when it's convenient. So parents are invisible to me.

Are you a parent?

It is never ever ever help to intervene in a tantrum. Never has a toddler who is dysregulated been soothed by a stranger. Use common sense and then join the village.

I have seen it help multiple times in the grocery store.

Your "never ever ever" experience is not universal.

True. And I am enjoying the irony of purported parenting experts who know exactly what works and what does not work to sooth a tantruming child, but lack the the wherewithal to avoid tantrums in the first place.

I had three kids in three years. The best advice for tantrums is planning. Whenever I thought my kids had another 15-20 minutes in them, that was the time to leave - no matter what.

Oh, and one time one my twins ran away in Target and I had to push the stroller around with the other two while he played an ever so amusing game of hide and seek. I was incredibly grateful to the kind older man who stepped in to help me track him down.

This is the key. DC never had a meltdown in public because I didnt try to drag them around on my schedule of stuff to do. I always made sure they were fed and freshly woken from a nap, run around for a few hours and back home. I didnt take them out sick. I showed up to family gatherings after the woke up from their nap no matter what time it was supposed to have started. Everyone's lives were positively impacted by these decisions in that I wasnt out and about with a hungry, tired, unhappy kid. If you insist on taking the kids to Target at 9:30pm at night (I've seen this) and they haven't eaten yet and/or are exhausted then yeah, they're going to freak the hell out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had random people on the street tell me loudly “it’s hard being a toddler” when my toddler was melting down. He had epic meltdowns for about 2 years. It always made me feel bad when people said this. I heard them saying “have some sympathy for your struggling kid you crappy mom”.

It’s probably years too late but when I’ve said that to people I mean: being a toddler is frustrating - it’s not anything you are doing as a parent and i am sympathizing with you...sort of been there done that! I guess trying to tell you I’m not judging you that your kid is having a meltdown in the first place

Hahah. Thanks. Yes, years too late. Tho they do still have their moments.

[Anonymous]

I think they generally mean well. A lot of people are separated from their grandkids lately so they tend to pay overly much attention to any kids they encounter. Now I don’t love it in this time of social distancing and keeping distance from people, but overall I don’t think it’s too hard to just give a quick “yeah haha the kid is having a bad day” and quickly move away from the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I never try to help parents. I used to hold doors for people struggling with strollers, but it seems the "it takes a village" crowd only wants the village when it's convenient. So parents are invisible to me.

Lmao so true!

[Anonymous]

I don't necessarily meddle, but I DO try to catch the toddler's eye and do something silly to distract. I usually feel bad for the toddler and the parent because it is a sucky situation all around.

I've been (unhelpfully) approached by the police while my child tantrumed, so I get it. But the empathy factor is there. I really do empathize with the parents AND the child in those situations.

[Anonymous]

I just judge the child as a spoiled brat with a cappy mother.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would be annoyed at this too.

Especially in our age of Covid.

No strange person should be speaking to another person’s child at all. 😕

[Anonymous]

My toddlers literally never had a public tantrum. I did have a lady on a plane try to talk to me while I was trying to calm my baby on a plane and get her to latch, but I just completely ignored her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the sage advice I'd been given on DCUM, I am one of those 780-month olds who have stopped doing anything when it comes to someone else and their child.

I posted about a child getting ready to fall head-first out of a grocery cart (mom had her back turned momentarily) and I was ripped a new one for being intrusive, judgemental, you name it.

Since then other people's children are invisible to me. No more warnings of immediate danger, no more offers to help, no more smiles or friendly overtures.

It is a different world than the one I was raised in and fully understand that now.

See, you can teach an old dog new tricks. I've learned my lesson.

What this really is...is that you are sad and angry that you are now invisible to society.