Strangers who talk to toddlers having tantrums

[Anonymous]

I actually miss when strangers would help with kids and babies in public more (before Covid made it kinda offensive to get in people's space). An older businessman in an airport lounge once offered to hold my infant so I could get food from the buffet and I wanted to cry with gratitude.

[Anonymous]

I was shopping one day (pre-covid) when I came across a mom struggling with a toddler having a meltdown. She had dropped her purse and a backpack on the floor, and was trying to keep him from hurting himself.

I simply said "I'll watch your stuff." I stayed close and made sure nobody walked off with her purse and let her do what she needed to. I didn't try to help with a kid I didn't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this strange, attention-seeking behavior in 780-month-olds?

It's always middle-aged men and women who squat down and address tantruming toddlers directly, with exaggerated facial gestures and a sing-songy voice “What’s wrooooooong, sweet-ums???” It. Literally. Never. Helps. and is so annoying/invasive.

I'm with you OP. The last thing that a stressed-out parent needs during a tantrum is the intrusion of a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually miss when strangers would help with kids and babies in public more (before Covid made it kinda offensive to get in people's space). An older businessman in an airport lounge once offered to hold my infant so I could get food from the buffet and I wanted to cry with gratitude.

This is really sweet. I’ve have similar happen. Or the lady next to me on an airplane offering up her purse for my squirmy toddler to dig through for entertainment.

But an all out meltdown is not the time for stranger intervention. Unless it is to push the cart at full speed while we get the hell out of the store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this strange, attention-seeking behavior in 780-month-olds?

It's always middle-aged men and women who squat down and address tantruming toddlers directly, with exaggerated facial gestures and a sing-songy voice “What’s wrooooooong, sweet-ums???” It. Literally. Never. Helps. and is so annoying/invasive.

Wish someone would intervene when my 780 month old FIL has tantrums in public because he has to wear a mask, or because Costco wants to check his receipt, or because the food is too “ethnic”. I think a well placed “what’s wrooooooong sugar pie?” or “it’s hard being 70!” would help him out a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this strange, attention-seeking behavior in 780-month-olds?

It's always middle-aged men and women who squat down and address tantruming toddlers directly, with exaggerated facial gestures and a sing-songy voice “What’s wrooooooong, sweet-ums???” It. Literally. Never. Helps. and is so annoying/invasive.

Wish someone would intervene when my 780 month old FIL has tantrums in public because he has to wear a mask, or because Costco wants to check his receipt, or because the food is too “ethnic”. I think a well placed “what’s wrooooooong sugar pie?” or “it’s hard being 70!” would help him out a lot.

Omg, I laughed so hard at this! My MIL is the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this strange, attention-seeking behavior in 780-month-olds?

It's always middle-aged men and women who squat down and address tantruming toddlers directly, with exaggerated facial gestures and a sing-songy voice “What’s wrooooooong, sweet-ums???” It. Literally. Never. Helps. and is so annoying/invasive.

Wish someone would intervene when my 780 month old FIL has tantrums in public because he has to wear a mask, or because Costco wants to check his receipt, or because the food is too “ethnic”. I think a well placed “what’s wrooooooong sugar pie?” or “it’s hard being 70!” would help him out a lot.

Omg, I laughed so hard at this! My MIL is the same way.

So sad you both married into such families. That’s horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. I do try to offer help to people if it looks like they need it. It is a shame that OP and people like her/him are so self-absorbed that they can't understand basic acts of kindness.

Agreed. There have been times when the distraction of a new person has helped my daughter snap out of whatever tantrum/upset mood she was in and she went from crying to giggling at their faces/games/whatever in seconds. I think DCUM is hardly representative of humanity as a whole, at least I hope that’s the case, and threads like these won’t stop kind people from continuing to be kind with strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I never try to help parents. I used to hold doors for people struggling with strollers, but it seems the "it takes a village" crowd only wants the village when it's convenient. So parents are invisible to me.

Are you a parent?

It is never ever ever help to intervene in a tantrum. Never has a toddler who is dysregulated been soothed by a stranger. Use common sense and then join the village.

Dunno about that. There was once a toddler lying across the aisle at the store, screaming. I said Hi. The kid stopped briefly. I said 'Could you move to the side? Otherwise you might get run over by a cart'. He got up, wiped his nose, said 'I don't talk to strangers', and ran off after mama. He didn't pick up on his tantrum at that point, because he was busy keeping an eye on me.

Sometimes, a brief interruption of their thought process can take them out of their cycle. Sometimes, a kind stranger with the right thing to say/do can be helpful. Sometimes, nothing helps. You just don't know which particular category any given kid/tantrum falls into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. I do try to offer help to people if it looks like they need it. It is a shame that OP and people like her/him are so self-absorbed that they can't understand basic acts of kindness.

Agreed. There have been times when the distraction of a new person has helped my daughter snap out of whatever tantrum/upset mood she was in and she went from crying to giggling at their faces/games/whatever in seconds. I think DCUM is hardly representative of humanity as a whole, at least I hope that’s the case, and threads like these won’t stop kind people from continuing to be kind with strangers.

I agree too. Talking to the child might also be intended to make the parent feel better, as if to say, "We've all been there." What would be better? Pretending that you and your screaming child don't exist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. I do try to offer help to people if it looks like they need it. It is a shame that OP and people like her/him are so self-absorbed that they can't understand basic acts of kindness.

Agreed. There have been times when the distraction of a new person has helped my daughter snap out of whatever tantrum/upset mood she was in and she went from crying to giggling at their faces/games/whatever in seconds. I think DCUM is hardly representative of humanity as a whole, at least I hope that’s the case, and threads like these won’t stop kind people from continuing to be kind with strangers.

I agree too. Talking to the child might also be intended to make the parent feel better, as if to say, "We've all been there." What would be better? Pretending that you and your screaming child don't exist?

Saying "hey, would it help if I try to distract him," and then being responsive to the parent's reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. I do try to offer help to people if it looks like they need it. It is a shame that OP and people like her/him are so self-absorbed that they can't understand basic acts of kindness.

Agreed. There have been times when the distraction of a new person has helped my daughter snap out of whatever tantrum/upset mood she was in and she went from crying to giggling at their faces/games/whatever in seconds. I think DCUM is hardly representative of humanity as a whole, at least I hope that’s the case, and threads like these won’t stop kind people from continuing to be kind with strangers.

I agree too. Talking to the child might also be intended to make the parent feel better, as if to say, "We've all been there." What would be better? Pretending that you and your screaming child don't exist?

Saying "hey, would it help if I try to distract him," and then being responsive to the parent's reply.

I'm pretty sure people would be mad about someone asking. Some people are looking for things to complain about because everything is about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this strange, attention-seeking behavior in 780-month-olds?

It's always middle-aged men and women who squat down and address tantruming toddlers directly, with exaggerated facial gestures and a sing-songy voice “What’s wrooooooong, sweet-ums???” It. Literally. Never. Helps. and is so annoying/invasive.

I'm with you OP. The last thing that a stressed-out parent needs during a tantrum is the intrusion of a stranger.

You nailed it. The problem is the parent’s perception they are being judged and found lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. I do try to offer help to people if it looks like they need it. It is a shame that OP and people like her/him are so self-absorbed that they can't understand basic acts of kindness.

Agreed. There have been times when the distraction of a new person has helped my daughter snap out of whatever tantrum/upset mood she was in and she went from crying to giggling at their faces/games/whatever in seconds. I think DCUM is hardly representative of humanity as a whole, at least I hope that’s the case, and threads like these won’t stop kind people from continuing to be kind with strangers.

I agree too. Talking to the child might also be intended to make the parent feel better, as if to say, "We've all been there." What would be better? Pretending that you and your screaming child don't exist?

Saying "hey, would it help if I try to distract him," and then being responsive to the parent's reply.

I'm pretty sure people would be mad about someone asking. Some people are looking for things to complain about because everything is about them.

And some people think being kind is making themselves feel good rather than actually providing support that is helpful and wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. I do try to offer help to people if it looks like they need it. It is a shame that OP and people like her/him are so self-absorbed that they can't understand basic acts of kindness.

Agreed. There have been times when the distraction of a new person has helped my daughter snap out of whatever tantrum/upset mood she was in and she went from crying to giggling at their faces/games/whatever in seconds. I think DCUM is hardly representative of humanity as a whole, at least I hope that’s the case, and threads like these won’t stop kind people from continuing to be kind with strangers.

I agree too. Talking to the child might also be intended to make the parent feel better, as if to say, "We've all been there." What would be better? Pretending that you and your screaming child don't exist?

Saying "hey, would it help if I try to distract him," and then being responsive to the parent's reply.

I'm pretty sure people would be mad about someone asking. Some people are looking for things to complain about because everything is about them.

And some people think being kind is making themselves feel good rather than actually providing support that is helpful and wanted.

If that's the case, then isn't the offer of help intrusive too?