dad seeking woman who doesn't have and doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, two baby mamas make you not so attractive, so you'd better have a big bank account to up your value.

Next, no, you're not looking for a unicorn. There are many women who will have no interest in your kids. The problem is, she'll want you to also have no interest in your kids.

Wait! OP has 2 i=different women as mothers to his children and is 45 and doesn't want to date anyone over 30? This is a mess.

No, I do not. Someone made that up. I have one ex, who is the mother of both my kids. I also never said I didn't want to date anyone over 30. I even said I was not trying to find a 25 year old. The people who are making stuff up are the mess.

You said the idea of dating women your own age was hard to swallow. A woman in her thirties does not want to date a man who has kids in elementary school but doesn’t want any more kids. You need to target women around your age. There are plenty of them.

Again, no, I didn't say that. I said that limiting myself to 45+ was hard to swallow because of how narrow the pool of potential matches becomes, which is definitely not the same as dating my own age is hard to swallow. I don't have a fixed age range in mind. Maybe 35-50? Someone who's fit at whatever age (as am I). She doesn't have to be rich, but I'm also not interested in being a sugar daddy.

Anyway, there have been a lot of helpful posts. Thanks for those.

It doesn’t matter that it’s hard to swallow, because it’s reality. People aren’t telling you to date your own age or older because they’re setting some arbitrary line based on principles, they’re saying it because the reality of your situation and your dating preferences are that you’re unlikely to find what you’re looking for in a women younger than that. If you can find a 38 yo who doesn’t want kids but wants to be a stepmom and is fit and is sufficiently financially secure to meet your standards and doesn’t mind scheduling her social life around your custody schedule and who connects with you enough to want a relationship, you’re set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you rich and handsome? If so, you can definitely find it.

It worked in the Sound of Music.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are welcome but hers not? Well, good luck then!

[Anonymous]

Just date in your age range (45-50) and you will find lots of fabulous single and childfree women. I have several fantastic single friends around 45 who for various reasons never had kids. TBH I think it’s a good strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I would not divorce. Definitely could not even consider bringing a strange man around my kids. I like my DH enough to keep working on things. Blended family is also a hell no. To the OP, honestly-get into the sugar daddy market. Don’t introduce them to your kids.

That's what I was thinking, put his kids first. Stop worrying about finding another parent for them. Why can't people learn to be alone and enjoy the kids they created instead of bringing more craziness into their lives.

OP I would get a vasectomy pronto to protect your kids and income.

[Anonymous]

Woman seeking man who will give her millions of dollars without expecting her to sleep or spend time with him.

Hey, two can play that game, I guess....

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Why would they want to date somebody who has kids?

This. My DH has this delusion that if we broke up, he'd find some good looking young-ish woman (under 35) to be with him. He's 48 and I'm 39. I have told him no young-ish woman wants middle aged dad bod with a toddler and an ex-wife. That's like the LAST thing any single quality woman worth her salt would want. On top of that he's impotent (seriously) so he'd have to find that unicorn woman in her early 30s that neither wants kids and wants to take care of his young child. Smh so delusional

OMG:
48
Dad bod
Toddler
Impotent
Ex-wife
And he still think he deserves a youngish 30 something? That’s staggering. I wouldn’t want him even as a 50 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, two baby mamas make you not so attractive, so you'd better have a big bank account to up your value.

Next, no, you're not looking for a unicorn. There are many women who will have no interest in your kids. The problem is, she'll want you to also have no interest in your kids.

Wait! OP has 2 i=different women as mothers to his children and is 45 and doesn't want to date anyone over 30? This is a mess.

No, I do not. Someone made that up. I have one ex, who is the mother of both my kids. I also never said I didn't want to date anyone over 30. I even said I was not trying to find a 25 year old. The people who are making stuff up are the mess.

You said the idea of dating women your own age was hard to swallow. A woman in her thirties does not want to date a man who has kids in elementary school but doesn’t want any more kids. You need to target women around your age. There are plenty of them.

Again, no, I didn't say that. I said that limiting myself to 45+ was hard to swallow because of how narrow the pool of potential matches becomes, which is definitely not the same as dating my own age is hard to swallow. I don't have a fixed age range in mind. Maybe 35-50? Someone who's fit at whatever age (as am I). She doesn't have to be rich, but I'm also not interested in being a sugar daddy.

Anyway, there have been a lot of helpful posts. Thanks for those.

OP do not, I repeat, do not date women in their mid-late 30s unless you make crystal, crystal clear from the outset that you do not want more kids.

[Anonymous]

I live how OP jumps in there to defend himself and clarify but it's crickets and tumbleweed when asked if he's wealthy and handsome. What are you offering this lucky lady unicorn OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, two baby mamas make you not so attractive, so you'd better have a big bank account to up your value.

Next, no, you're not looking for a unicorn. There are many women who will have no interest in your kids. The problem is, she'll want you to also have no interest in your kids.

Wait! OP has 2 i=different women as mothers to his children and is 45 and doesn't want to date anyone over 30? This is a mess.

No, I do not. Someone made that up. I have one ex, who is the mother of both my kids. I also never said I didn't want to date anyone over 30. I even said I was not trying to find a 25 year old. The people who are making stuff up are the mess.

You said the idea of dating women your own age was hard to swallow. A woman in her thirties does not want to date a man who has kids in elementary school but doesn’t want any more kids. You need to target women around your age. There are plenty of them.

Again, no, I didn't say that. I said that limiting myself to 45+ was hard to swallow because of how narrow the pool of potential matches becomes, which is definitely not the same as dating my own age is hard to swallow. I don't have a fixed age range in mind. Maybe 35-50? Someone who's fit at whatever age (as am I). She doesn't have to be rich, but I'm also not interested in being a sugar daddy.

Anyway, there have been a lot of helpful posts. Thanks for those.

The problem with 35-40 is you’re still solidly in the childbearing range. It’s going to be easier to screen for your preference 40+.

Nope. Childfree by choice women do not want kids regardless of stage of life. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Okay, but what happens if heaven forbid something happens to your wife and your kids have to come live with you and your new woman then what?

Or if your kid wants to live with you then what?

OK, if she wants to be in my kids' life, great. My main points (which maybe I didn't explain well at the beginning) are that I don't want to add kids to my life and that I'm not trying to find someone to be their mommy, but if it developed in a way that they wanted to be involved, I'm fine with that.

Another point on this (OP again): I feel like some women would think I'm looking for someone to come and take over the household, relieve me of parenting duties, and basically sub in for my ex wife. In fact, some of the posts on this thread seem to have taken even my original post that way (the selfish/take take take posts come to mind), even though I thought I was pretty clear that that's not what I was going for. I'm a self-sufficient parent, I grocery shop, I keep my house neat, I do my own laundry, I supervise homework, I register the kids for sports, etc. That's all I meant by not thinking of her as adopting a parental role. But really, if she wants to be like an aunt or a big sister or a stepmom - however she wants to be involved in their lives, that's good with me. The more good people in their life, the better for them. And ultimately it would make it easier to spend time with her, especially in the long term.

This! The woman you just described would never be interested in OP. She has way better options. Stating single is also a much better option for her.
The selfishness is that you want her to give up what she genuinely wants for herself (no kids) and you're not saying in any way what you will provide in return. All take, no give. Access to sex is not in short supply for most women, and it's so "hard to swallow" for you to consider dating someone your own age because you think you're a catch who deserves someone a decade younger that she should be happy to not only give up her own goals for herself but also settle for a middle aged divorced guy. Take, take, take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is making me very glad I’m not dating at my current age if 35... apparently men think my cohort is desperate! Trying to imagine a 45 yr old suggesting I join his life has a “big sister” to his kids. ????

If I didn’t want kids, I’d be looking for a childless guy who makes as much money as I do and who wants to travel internationally every chance we get. Oh, and ski. It’d be great if he had a boat. Honestly I walked away from a fair few relationships where guys didn’t want kids. Women who don’t want kids come at a dating market “premium” way before 35, and punch above their weight in the dating market, since a lot more successful men want that DINK lifestyle than successful women.

Hopefully OP is okay with chubby and 38, or fit and 44.

Fit and 44 will NOT be interested. Chubby might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, two baby mamas make you not so attractive, so you'd better have a big bank account to up your value.

Next, no, you're not looking for a unicorn. There are many women who will have no interest in your kids. The problem is, she'll want you to also have no interest in your kids.

Wait! OP has 2 i=different women as mothers to his children and is 45 and doesn't want to date anyone over 30? This is a mess.

No, I do not. Someone made that up. I have one ex, who is the mother of both my kids. I also never said I didn't want to date anyone over 30. I even said I was not trying to find a 25 year old. The people who are making stuff up are the mess.

You said the idea of dating women your own age was hard to swallow. A woman in her thirties does not want to date a man who has kids in elementary school but doesn’t want any more kids. You need to target women around your age. There are plenty of them.

Again, no, I didn't say that. I said that limiting myself to 45+ was hard to swallow because of how narrow the pool of potential matches becomes, which is definitely not the same as dating my own age is hard to swallow. I don't have a fixed age range in mind. Maybe 35-50? Someone who's fit at whatever age (as am I). She doesn't have to be rich, but I'm also not interested in being a sugar daddy.

Anyway, there have been a lot of helpful posts. Thanks for those.

OP do not, I repeat, do not date women in their mid-late 30s unless you make crystal, crystal clear from the outset that you do not want more kids.

in DC area, make that mid 40s. I had my second at 41 and one of my friends at 43.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman seeking man who will give her millions of dollars without expecting her to sleep or spend time with him.

Hey, two can play that game, I guess....

Is there a waiting list for this lol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get a FWB. Plenty of women open to that.

+1. You seem to not want to limit your dating pool to 45+ year old women. No big deal. FWB now, then you can start looking for a serious relationship in 5+ years and won't have to date women who are older than you.