dad seeking woman who doesn't have and doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'm not sure I understand the selfish/take take take part. I was not trying to suck them into my world of parenting. Instead, I'm looking for an adult companion. Someone to spend time with as an adult. But I also take the point that maybe I should at least be open to a women who wants to step into a parental role.

Tennis - that's a great idea.

Are you not at all involved with your kids? Like you have a Nanny do everything for you? Don't go to sports or school activities? Don't take them to appointments or care for them while sick?

Then, I guess it's no baggage on you or your potential partner but you are probably a terrible Father.

Gee, thanks. Actually, I have 50/50. I don't rely on help any more than my ex does - we share a sitter who sometimes picks up the kids from school and bridges until we get home from work. I do plenty of after school and weekend activities with my kids. I'm also free after they go to bed on half the days and entirely free on the other 50% of the days (except of course sometimes there's a game or a recital I'll want go to). What are you talking about with appointments? Last I checked, people don't ordinarily go on dates during regular business hours.

I still don’t see why you care if she has kids if you can just go out on dates during the time you are both kid free. For most divorced people that is 50% of the time. You don’t want another parent, so you don’t want a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is telling you this is about the age of the women you're dating because this is about the age of the women you're dating.

[Anonymous]

This is me. I'm single, don't want to have kids, but I'm cool with a guy with kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m married but if I was divorced, I’d feel the same. I have zero interest in more kids and want nothing to do with a blended family. I’m a woman though and not sure if that makes it harder or easier. I’d say easier because I think men are more likely to not want kids but maybe harder because they are less interested in wanting to be a step dad. But if I was divorced I don’t think I’d want to get remarried. I think I’d just want a boyfriend to hang out with my the kids were with dad. I’m happily married, btw. I just do a lot of “what if” daydreaming.

[Anonymous]

I’m 38 I don’t have kids or want them. I’m not looking for marriage just a relationship. I don’t mind if the guy has kids.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Yes, I see the age issue. Makes sense, but limiting myself to, say, 45+ is a little hard to swallow at this point. (It's not about trying to find a 25 year old. It's just that that's creating a pretty shallow pool.) I also take the point about dating other divorced people when they don't have their kids, but that requires enough overlap of our non-kid days, so I haven't been optimistic about that working, but maybe. And there have been a few replies from people saying they'd be into this, which gives some hope that they're maybe not quite unicorns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you're looking for a full partner in your life, this woman will HAVE to be a parent - to your own kids. You cannot separate the wife role from the stepmother's role, unless you plan on being a completely absent father. A woman who is fine with parenting step-kids will very likely either have kids of her own already or want kids of her own.

Some more introspection is necessary, OP.

I wouldn’t be so dogmatic. There are many options for example such as living apart together.
But it requires many stars to align for something non-standard to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes, I see the age issue. Makes sense, but limiting myself to, say, 45+ is a little hard to swallow at this point. (It's not about trying to find a 25 year old. It's just that that's creating a pretty shallow pool.) I also take the point about dating other divorced people when they don't have their kids, but that requires enough overlap of our non-kid days, so I haven't been optimistic about that working, but maybe. And there have been a few replies from people saying they'd be into this, which gives some hope that they're maybe not quite unicorns.

But, everyone who said they’d go for it were closer to/over your age. Stop trying to find a 30 something. I’m a 30 something. All of my friends are still “kids maybe” even the ones who are “but probably not.”

[Anonymous]

It’s too bad there are no personals ads anymore because you could advertise: “Single and infertile but interested in a life with MY kids? Call 301-whatever-whatever.”

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the women who said this would be great for me. I'm 41 if that helps with your age range

[Anonymous]

If a woman does not want kids why would she want to play stepmom to your kids?

[Anonymous]

Seek someone who has a lot less money than you.

I’m serious.

[Anonymous]

Okay, but what happens if heaven forbid something happens to your wife and your kids have to come live with you and your new woman then what?

Or if your kid wants to live with you then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s too bad there are no personals ads anymore because you could advertise: “Single and infertile but interested in a life with MY kids? Call 301-whatever-whatever.”

Haha. I actually have a friend who would have been into this. Married at 21 and unsuccessfully tried to have kids for 12-13 years, divorced at 35. Married 2 years later to a guy with kids in late elementary. She is, however, a very involved stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, but what happens if heaven forbid something happens to your wife and your kids have to come live with you and your new woman then what?

Or if your kid wants to live with you then what?

OK, if she wants to be in my kids' life, great. My main points (which maybe I didn't explain well at the beginning) are that I don't want to add kids to my life and that I'm not trying to find someone to be their mommy, but if it developed in a way that they wanted to be involved, I'm fine with that.