dad seeking woman who doesn't have and doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am female and was a hard no on kids. Until I hit 40. Then suddenly career is going great, I have more time, more money. Between 40-45 I pulled out all the stops for kids. I was as surprised by what felt biological as anyone.

Did it work out for you, PP?
FWIW, I had a similar attitude but my breaking point came slightly earlier, around 35- 37. So glad it did!

DP. Women with the money and drive can generate a baby between 40-45, whether through donor egg IVF or a surrogate.

I know plenty of women who have had kids naturally 40-45. It is not impossible. If OP wants not possibility of future kids, it should be 45+

He had a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am female and was a hard no on kids. Until I hit 40. Then suddenly career is going great, I have more time, more money. Between 40-45 I pulled out all the stops for kids. I was as surprised by what felt biological as anyone.

Did it work out for you, PP?
FWIW, I had a similar attitude but my breaking point came slightly earlier, around 35- 37. So glad it did!

DP. Women with the money and drive can generate a baby between 40-45, whether through donor egg IVF or a surrogate.

I know plenty of women who have had kids naturally 40-45. It is not impossible. If OP wants not possibility of future kids, it should be 45+

He had a vasectomy.

I know that. I was responding to the immediate previous post assuming 40-45 needs intervention for kids. It was in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I didn’t have kids there is NO WAY I would give up the kid free lifestyle.

This exactly. My child-free friends have complete and total freedom and pristine non-kid-friendly homes. Why give that up?

That's what I would have thought too, but a 40yo friend who's killing it professionally,has no interest in kids, and perfect homes started seriously dating a guy with a baby! the baby mamma has primary custody, so maybe that makes the difference.

Dating is so different. She’s just banging him with no strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 45-year old divorced dad with an ES and MS kid. Shortly before Covid, I was starting to get back into dating more seriously, looking for a real relationship. I'm open to marriage but do not want to have more kids and do not want to blend a family or deal with someone else's kids. So, I was hoping to find someone who doesn't have and doesn't want kids. (To be clear, I'm not looking for a woman to step into the role of being a mom to my kids; they have two fully engaged and capable parents. Sure, at some point, the relationship might become serious enough that they'd become part of my kids' life, but I'm not expecting that to be in a parental role.) But the women I was meeting who are looking for a relationship all seemed to either have kids or want kids. Then Covid hit and I shut it down. But now I'm thinking about getting back into dating post-Covid and I'm kind of stumped. Am I looking for a unicorn or am I looking in the wrong places? Mostly I've met women through match.com and social functions. Any advice?

A woman who does not already have kids will not like your kids; she'll want ALL of your time and resources for herself

[Anonymous]

I don't have kids (am divorced and IVF/ICSI did not work for us) and am not likely to have any at this point but I would love to be a stepmom. You will just have to be honest and upfront and hope you meet someone. Dating is a crapshoot without all of the extra "must-haves."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids (am divorced and IVF/ICSI did not work for us) and am not likely to have any at this point but I would love to be a stepmom. You will just have to be honest and upfront and hope you meet someone. Dating is a crapshoot without all of the extra "must-haves."

Why in the world would you subject yourself to a pouty kid who will never develop any loyalty toward you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids (am divorced and IVF/ICSI did not work for us) and am not likely to have any at this point but I would love to be a stepmom. You will just have to be honest and upfront and hope you meet someone. Dating is a crapshoot without all of the extra "must-haves."

OP, you've met your girl! Are you under 40 y/o and financially independent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids (am divorced and IVF/ICSI did not work for us) and am not likely to have any at this point but I would love to be a stepmom. You will just have to be honest and upfront and hope you meet someone. Dating is a crapshoot without all of the extra "must-haves."

Okay but you cant be the stepmom. At best you will be "older sister" role in the family

[Anonymous]

My best friend is married to a man who had two children from his previous marriage. My friend did not want to have kids herself and is very happy as a step-mom. She’s great with the kids and happy in the relationship, and also probably enjoys that she gets a lot of time away from the kids too! (The mother has primary custody). So, what the OP is describing is possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids (am divorced and IVF/ICSI did not work for us) and am not likely to have any at this point but I would love to be a stepmom. You will just have to be honest and upfront and hope you meet someone. Dating is a crapshoot without all of the extra "must-haves."

OP, you've met your girl! Are you under 40 y/o and financially independent?

No, OP didn't want/need someone who was going to play the role of stepmom.

[Anonymous]

I know someone this worked out for but
- he was rich
- his kids were older
- she was 40 but MCed
- she adored him but not his kids. They grew up and flew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Since it seems to matter so much: I'm generally considered handsome. 6 ft, athletic build, fit (no dad bod), full head of hair, good skin I take care of, nice eyes, well dressed. I make $500k. None of that goes to my ex (she actually makes more than me). Ivy undergrad and professional degrees.

OP you will find someone but your kids need to be older.

[Anonymous]

All these PPs that say every woman who is 40 wants a baby. Not true. OP you could try green card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these PPs that say every woman who is 40 wants a baby. Not true. OP you could try green card.

I believe the stats are that 20% of women are childless by age 40 and 15% are childless by age 45, so 25% of childless 40 year old women will have a child in the next 5 years. And if that's the case, clearly a higher percentage of childless 40 year old women want to have a baby. So, not "every", but at least a significant portion. Now, after 45, virtually no one has their first child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

So you want to meet someone who will be okay with your kids, but you don’t want to be bothered by someone else’s kids. Do you realize how crazy this sounds? The fact you have kids is probably a drag to anyone who doesn’t want them, but you expect someone to be okay with something you’re not willing to deal with yourself.